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  1. Exactly. I say I trust her, because I want my mind to trust her, because I madly love her and I was like addicted to this person. But 2+2=4 is not happening inside my head, because somewhere my gut instincts say she has been lying at times with me. Now, after I make up my mind that I want to marry her, the intrusive thoughts take over and give me sleepless nights, and now when I think about letting her go, the memories put me up in depression like state. What the hell do I do man ? I have been cheated on twice before this, so I have a hard time trusting girls. This girl is absolutely fantastic, so on one side my heart says to marry her, but on the other side, my mind or gut says something is not right. It could also be that the intrusive thoughts trusting her are due to my own doubtful nature and what she is saying is the truth, but why is my mind not able to trust her. The moment I try to say that 'yes I want to marry her' something is stopping me, and staying away from her gives me depression like feeling. Isn't it that people are usually uncomfortable talking about past, so they do tend to make mistakes which I should let go of instead of forming my opinion based on what she has said two different times ? But the mind says how can someone make such big blunders when revealing about their intimate things ?
  2. @Pleasedonot5 & others So I have done a breakup, and within 24 hours, I have started feeling very guilty for all my actions and grilling and sharing with my close circle that I did. The RJ has vanished, it was to the extent I was imagining her in positions and all. I definitely miss her, and now I feel she was saying the truth and was a great soul (but this thing happens for 2 hours), and another 2 hours I feel I am glad its over. I terribly miss her and our connection, its been only 24 hours and I have a volcano of emotions inside me. Now I have decided for next 20 days, I dont have to think about her. I feel since the person has gone, RJ and all other bull*** that was inside my head is also gone now and I am able to sleep peacefully. However, I still feel she was an amazing girl, so after 20 days, if I get back to her, do u feel I would be able to start fresh and those rj and all wont ever return ? If it returns again, I will do a permanent breakup, but do u feel I can start fresh again after 20 days ? (20 days is the deadline her family has given me, else they will marry her off somewhere else).
  3. No when she reveled everything, it was not that she knew about this side of my nature. My insecurities are eating me up which you are right. She has been screaming that she hasn't had any past or intimate relationships, but I am finding difficult to trust this because my gut feeling says she is lying (my assumptions), but my heart doesnt want to let her go. I met two other new girls, but I end up finding her in them which has again become messy. I am the only child, I have to get married, n I am 32, so new proposals are going down now because of age factor in my caste. Therapy is not working, as I am just not able to leave those thoughts. The *** I do now ? You meant she dint do anything seriously wrong, right ? What would u suggest ? I have spoken to her, but that too is not working out. She tells that after marriage I would find out the truth, so trust her words and she says this with full confidence, why would any girl take this risk u feel ? She knows I will turn out to be monstrous if I figure out she has intimate experience after marriage. If the girl is telling this with so much confidence, should I ignore my insecurities and just go ahead and marry her thinking after marriage everything will settle down ? I deeply love her, and all my family members have approved her and told she is not someone who would lie and has amazing values ?
  4. @Pleasedonot5 I am having very hard time trusting this girl, because she is capable of lying is what I feel. But I really really love this girl, n I dont think I will ever be able to love another girl. I met two other girls in arranged marriage setup, but all I do is search this girl in them (THIS IS SERIOUSLY HAPPENING). If I am not able to trust her, should I simply walk away, thinking that with time, these very deep feelings will fade away ? I have taken therapy too, but some things are simply not going away from my mind ? If I marry her thinking those things where it seems she lied will not matter in the long run ? But I am not able to trust her, something inside me is stopping me, but at the same time, I am lost in love with this girl...seems I am in a mess, what should I do ?
  5. Here in arranged marriages, we hardly get 1 week or two to decide. I have however took 5 months. She is 27, I am 32...already over aged for the Indian caste system for marriage.
  6. She told me everything at the very beginning itself that she absolutely has no past, not after knowing me n the person I am. But why am I so fixated on the second suspicion that you have pointed out, when it could be imaginary stuff like watching porn n all. This girl knows I am fixated on things like virginity, then why would she risk her life with an ass like me who is bothered about such things in 2021 ? She is screaming that she is one, just that some of the things are not adding up inside my head, but would she risk lying to me ? Also, she has innumerable dudes lining up for her, I see no reason for her to lie to me, but like I said, maybe my overthinking and doubtful nature is not adding up things ? @Pleasedonot5 Man, you are very helpful, please get me outta this mess with your rational posts. I have to make a decision in a couple of weeks now.
  7. That how great those exe's were, were they better than me, would she forget those moments, would I be better than them. I suffer from retroactive jealousy along with low self esteem too which I am taking efforts and addressing on a day to day basis. She caught wind before telling me all those things. So she came recently to know that I suffer from rj and so on. She has been screaming on top of her head, that she has no experience, but why am I so fixated on such 'slip of tongue' things ? Our families too have met and we are completely into each other, I am taking efforts & seeking therapy to overcome rj and low self esteem, I dont want her to go, but my doubtful nature on the second 'suspicion' that you pointed out is eating me up. She has a tendency to show that she knows everything and talk big things, but she is a plain cute simple girl overall and cant hide things, so how do I see her beyond these things. When I am saying I trust her, should I just trust her and that those expressions probably came from imaginary stuff like pornography and all ? This adds on to my doubts then, coz she has ultimately said she has been on a date only in 'x' city. I am sorry for my immaturity, but I am from a conservative Indian society, and probably my upbringing has made me like this where guys question all details and cant accept who has past and stuff. She has been screaming on top of her head that she has no experience, then why do I not trust her because of the second suspicion ? Is the suspicion too big ?
  8. When I am with her on phone or in person, I am very very happy. When I am away, these immature and creepy thoughts of being doubtful take over. So these thoughts would hopefully go away after marriage when we stay together, right ? Or will I continue to torture her with my doubtful nature ?
  9. Most of it has been on phone, but yes we've met. We've had a magical connection, and like we literally are lost when we are talking to each other. But the moment I get away from her, all the other things start cropping up inside my head. I am 32 and from a conservative Indian mindset & pressured to marry now, what if I dont find an amazing gal like her ? Will I regret later when I compromise and settle down ? I will definitely miss her, but my demons and doubts are simply not going and I am finding difficult to accept her, though I adore her, love her and love our chemistry.
  10. I suffer from retroactive jealousy. No, absolutely no reason to do it I feel, then why is mind messing it up and pushing her away when my heart says I wont be able to find a magical girl like her ?
  11. Okay, so I have been in a relationship with a girl from 6 months now. She is absolutely everything I want in a girl. She has always been saying that I am the first guy in her life and her first love and all. But, recent conversations tell me that she’s had a past and its my gut feeling that says it because of the way she talks. Now, I dont have an issue with past, but she says that she casually dated a guy from ‘x’ city, then after some time she tells it was a in a ‘y’ city. Then she says it was slip of tongue. Talking about intimacy, she tells she loves certain positions and stuff which is ok, but the way she describes it tells me she has experience. I confronted her about this, and she says it was slip of tongue and that I should trust her. But in past one month, I am unable to trust her words and being the OCD personality I am, I am obssessed with these thoughts. Now, I really love this girl (she has all the fanstastic values and qualities like loving, caring, family oriented), but I am unable to see her beyond those things. Unfortunately, my nature is very doubtful and I am working on it, and I want to trust this girl and move ahead with her, but my mind is stopping me continuously & letting go of those things. The moment I feel like ‘cutting her off’, I drown in depression and anxiety, but when I want to accept her, I again feel drowning in anxiety and depression. I am seeking therapy and its not helping. What do I do ? Do I let go of her, or do I let go of those intrusive thoughts. I am finding it difficult to do both now. She is the girl of my dreams, but some things I am finding it difficult to accept. She is very honest in all things which is my gut feeling, but my gut also says some things are not matching up. I am from a conservative Indian culture.
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