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sankul

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  1. You're right, i haven't really thought about that and i didn't want to bring it up with her incase i would bring up bad memories or something like that, i just tried to not bring it up and only spoke of it when she would bring it up, she told me a lot though about what happened. I understand it's her and not me and she told me that herself too. Thanks for your input!!
  2. Reading this really gave me a perspective, i haven't really thought of it this way. I am not experienced in the dating world and ive only ever met two girls before this one (didn't really work out with these girls). and i guess the fact that we clicked so well blinded me from all the red flags, i'm not used to affection and clicking with a person this good so i guess i was too blind to see the big red flags that was right across my eyes. I have a problem with falling in love too fast and i usually think more with my heart than my brain which often is a bad thing. Thanks for your advice and for giving me perspective, i will surely remember this in the future.
  3. Thanks for your response, you are probably right that i dodged a bullet. I can't control my feelings and unfortunately i fell pretty hard for her. She also didn't indicate in any way that it would be bad for me to see her, and the fact that she was dealing with these problems didn't seem to affect our relationship in any way shape or form, when we we're with eachother everything was perfect. She also have told me multiple times that she felt happy with me and did not want to lose me. I don't know maybe i should have thought more with my mind than my heart but quite frankly her mental health didn't seem to affect our relationship and i was very supportive. Also i have not read that book and seeming as i know some people who deal with self harm and bpd it sparks my quriosity, thanks for the advice!
  4. I guess you are right in a way that i am quite blinded by my love. But i have never pushed the thought of a relationship onto her, i have only brought it up one time and when she told me she was not ready for a relationship she was extremely happy to hear me say that i'll wait for her and that i dont have any expectations of her. She told me she felt happy being with me and that she does not want to lose me but she's just not ready for a relationship yet. I told her multiple times that i do not have any expectations out of her and that she is more than enough as she is already. She also told me that she could see a relationship in the future just not right now and that she wants to work on herself first but that she still wants to see me. It's not that she does not want a relationship with me that bugs me, it's that she's been extremely clear with the fact that she has deep feelings for me and that she does not want to lose me but suddenly she has lost all feelings. I do not wish to get advice on how to "win" her over again because i will not sit and beg for her to come back and i will respect what she has told me. I just wanted to know if anyone has experienced this and if there could be a particular reason as to why she is all over me for months then suddenly seemingly wants nothing to do with me. i am just hurt and confused and i want to understand how this could have happened.. I dont know maybe i am just looking for answers that aren't there. Everyone is different and maybe she just lost all feelings for me somehow.
  5. i don't know if this is the right place to look for help but i'm really confused and i need help. Okay so some context, me (M19) and this girl (F19) (i'm gonna call her Sara) have been seeing eachother for three months now and we have clicked very good ever since we met. We have same interests and music taste and everything seemed to go very smoothly and natural between us, both of us have stated that it felt very right between us. We act exactly as we're in a relationship, we hold hands in public, we kiss in public, we've had sex, we are there for eachother emotionally, we see eachother fairly often, we talk on the phone a lot and we have both agreed on being exclusive to eachother. To everyone elses eyes we look exactly like boyfriend and girlfriend and we act like it. She's said before that she has deep feelings for me and i've said before the same thing to her. The thing is she has pretty bad past relationships, her ex was very manipulative and extremely toxic and Sara has really low self esteem even though it was two years ago they broke up. I'm not gonna go into detail but her ex treated her really badly and her ex was the reason Sara started with self harm. I've been very supportive to her and she's stated that i am the kindest person she's met. Because her ex has emotionally scarred her, Sara always panics when things get too serious between us and whenever i bring up that i want to have a relationship with her officially she always says she's not ready for a relationship and that she's very afraid to fall in love. She says she's not in her right headspace for a relationship and that she really wouldnt be able to commit to a relationship because of her mental health (commitment issues and trust issues). I of course do not wanna push her or seem too needy so ive told her that ill wait for her till she's ready and that she is more than enough as she is already and that we can continue seeing eachother as we have. Fastforward three days ago, we havent seen eachother for 5 days and by that time i've noticed that she seems very distant over text, she's showing zero affection, she's making no effort to plan when we should see eachother the next time and she seemed very cold and distant towards me. After a few days of this behaviour i asked her politely if she's trying to push me away and she said "Ive noticed im pushing you away, ive just not been feeling very good". I thought this was weird since she's been out with her friends a couple times during this time and she seemed to have very fun and posted all over snapchat about it. I of course asked what was wrong and if she would talk to me and she started to explain and it was a lot she said, ill put it shortly what she said. She basically said that when i told her i was in love with her she was extremely overwhelmed and that it kind of scared her. She said that she didn't feel the same way towards me and that it didn't feel right or fair towards me. She also said that whenever we see eachother in real life everything seems to be good and she enjoys it, but whenever we spend time apart things just feel "Dead" and that she has a voice in her head that keeps telling her "You don't need anyone" and "You're better off alone". To put it simply, when we are not with eachother she doesn't seem to have feelings for me at all. She said that this has only started to begin a couple of days ago and that she didn't feel like that before. I then asked her if she even had any feelings for me at all and she said she honestly didn't know if she did. We talked a lot about it but she said that she wanted to take some time alone to think about herself and her relationship with me and try to figure out if she have any feelings for me at all. We agreed to take a so called "break" and she asked me not to text or contact her for maybe a week or two and that she'll get back to me when she's thought about it. She also said multiple times that it's not my fault she is feeling this way and that it's only her fault, she said that ive been really good to her and that i really deserve the best and she apologized for making me confused and hurt by this behaviour. Fastforward to today, it's been three days of our "break" and she hasn't contacted me at all. I am very confused and honestly very hurt because i am in love with this girl and everything really seemed to go great just a week ago and now it feels like i'm losing her forever. I snapchatted her today to ask her a question that ive been thinking about (i do not want to state here what i asked her). But when she replied she replied with a very dry response and the snapchat picture she sent back with the response was of a TV screen playing a netflix movie. Now i did not recognize the walls in the picture and she doesn't own a TV with netflix on it, she always watches netflix on her ipad. Because of this i got a little paranoid and curious and i checked to see if she was home on her snapchat map. I then noticed that she has turned off her snap map from me and this was weird cause the entire time we've been seeing eachother she's always had her snap map turned on for me. By this time i started overthinking and started to put the puzzle together. She randomly started to act distant and cold towards me and when i brought it up she suggests we take a brake with no contact, and now she seems to be at another persons place and she's turned off snap map for me. I know this probably sounds like i'm overthinking too much or being possesive since we're not even in an official relationship yet but quite frankly i am in love with this girl and ive never met someone as perfect as her before. So my question is, did she really randomly lose all feelings for me out of the blue and sincerely wants to take a brake to think or has she met someone new that she's interested in and seeing right now on our brake? i also need to state that her ex really did *** her up and that she still sometimes cuts herself so it wouldn't be a surprise if she really needs time to think and wants to take a brake, but at the same time it also really seems that she's found someone new and that the brake was just an excuse to "explore" this new person. I should also state that we have both said that we are exclusive (meaning we dont see other people) but we are not in a official relationship. My situation is very tricky and i cant stop overthinking why and what is happening with us. I really feel like such an idiot and i feel like im overthinking this extremely much and i know some of you will probably tell me this but i just cant stop thinking about it, just a few days ago everything was fine and she slept over at my place and was ALL over me and now suddenly out of nowhere it feels like im losing her slowly. Has any of this happened to anyone on here before? and does anyone have any idea what she might be going through? i cant know everything...Any advice or comments are appreciated! Thanks in advance. I
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