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emptyroom

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  1. I've been seeing a guy I met on a dating app in march. I like him and he says he likes me. we've spent time once a week almost every week since we met. we've been having sex. he told me somewhat recently that he's not looking for a relationship. he wants to keep seeing me but he doesn't want to lead me on or make me feel bad because he doesn't want one. I'm devastated because I genuinely like this person and my intention when I started dating was to get into a relationship. I'm confused by the things he says, like I told him I wished I had waited before jumping into bed with him and he said "we can go slower, I'm totally cool with that" but if you don't want a relationship, then what are we going slower towards? we can't go slower towards sex because we've already done it, so what does that even mean? I've continued seeing him even though I'm not okay with the situation because I still like him and I don't want to lose him. it's rare for me to find someone I like. but every time I come home after seeing him, I think about cutting this off because it makes me so miserable. it makes me feel unwanted and not good enough. I think part of it too is I have this hope that one day he'll change his mind and want to try having a relationship with me. maybe that's delusional or naive of me. I always end up changing my mind and continuing seeing him because I do enjoy having a sexual relationship with him but it hurts me too. I wish he made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship at all. I want to know why he didn't. I feel like I've gotten myself into something I didn't want to be a part of but now I'm stuck and it's too hard to get out of it. it almost makes me wonder if he's just using me and isn't interested in getting to know me as a person at all. we used to message each other a lot more before and lately it's almost nothing. I understand being busy and I don't expect anybody to have an endless back and forth text conversation with me, but it's just something I've noticed. like if I wasn't the one reaching out to make plans it seems like he just wouldn't care. what should I do? should I continue? should I break it off now? should I communicate all of this to him? I'm so back and forth on this. I'm into him but not the situation. I'm afraid of breaking it off because I know I'll regret it. I'm afraid to tell him all of this because I'm afraid of driving him off and losing him. I think I've convinced myself I'd rather have part of him than nothing at all, and I'm afraid of hearing the answer. I know I can't make him care about me or want a relationship. I'm afraid of communicating all of this to him because what if the answer is, "yeah, I just don't want a relationship in general so I think we should just stop seeing each other then." I've only told one person about this situation and they said that I should "play hard to get" but I think that's stupid. I don't want to play games and I want to be genuine. they said I should give him an ultimatum but I don't know how to do that without sounding unfair or like a threat. what am I supposed to say, "I want a relationship or you'll never see me again?" how do I make that sound better? I don't know how to successfully tell him how I feel without sounding like I'm too much or crazy. I already suffer from depression and anxiety and this has really aggravated them. this whole situation is causing pain and distress. I just don't want to be lonely. I need advice and outside perspective on this. thanks.
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