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Everything posted by CryingDuckie

  1. Thank you so very much... I wish one day to stop being so needy of male's attention. I'll try to be kind but that new guy is still in my thoughts, I wish he wasn't, I wish I wasn't tortured by regret too so I could really focus and start living for myself, at last.. But I will try my best..
  2. No, no.. With my ex we really do support each other. Whatever happens in my life I come to him to tell him about it, and he does the same. It's just up until recently I was also hoping to get back together with him. But I don't want anymore. We talked and I told him that he's like a big brother to me now, and he agreed he felt like this with me too. It's really difficult cuz I don't understand then why offering me to work and fight less for a possible relationship in the future. It is controlling, you are right.. I'm just used to cling on him.. And I thought the same! That he's either willing to try again or not! But he has his own logic. He needs no fights before he can try again. I never ever understood that. I moved on and want to be with someone else now (generally speaking) but it's just we can't cross out 4 years of support and stop talking for good.. And you are absolutely right.. I was happy to get affection from someone, and now that it's gone so fast, it's hard.. But I did pull back, went to my ex.. It seems so crazy to me too now It's just I've been longing for this affection for so long, it seems, that I can't even imagine waiting more:) But I think you are right, I'll be rereading your messages, and others too, whenever I feel my thoughts mingled and confused again. And I'll focus on myself some more. After all yeah I've been single for 1,5 years but all that time I was hoping to get back together with my ex. I don't know how to stop needing someone in my life, like to be involved with someone. But I'll try my best... And I'm so very, very grateful for the advice and the help! Thank you! Huge, huge thank you! I don't even know how to express it enough..
  3. I literally can't. I've know him for almost 4 years, dating for the first too. And since we met there wasn't a day that we wouldn't talk. Despite the fact I wasn't able to let go and stop hoping to get back together, we really do support each other a lot
  4. Knowing that makes me feel a lot better, that's true! But I wish there were ad things about him that I would know. As I know very little and it's all the things I like. So I kind of know he's unstable but otherwise a good and interesting person (as much as I know)
  5. I met him in person, yeah. But since I turned him away we only text
  6. For the new guy, yeah. I kinda like him a lot still, he moved on but I can't really do the same yet, although I realized a lot of things after posting my message here and getting so many wise replies.. Yet I keep thinking about him and can't help it. I have a very good job I was purely lucky to get and I love it, I've moved away from home when I was 16 and live far from my family. It's okay, I'm used to it and I visit my family once a year. But it's just because I've been single for 1,5 years I want to feel loved again, needed and wanted. I was happy reading messages from this new guy saying he missed me while I was sleeping, I felt happy that he wanted to spend time with me, look at me and talk to me. I have friends but I am very lonely
  7. Thank you so much.. All the feelings aside it sounds so logical, clear and smart. And it makes me feel a lot better that you and other people here say he's probably unstable. I hope it doesn't make me unstable but just desperate and lonely like you say.. As for the age, it just seemed like a nice fact to me. It's just all the major things I'm interested in, literature, guitar, piano, hiking, football, love for the cold, snow and mountains, some other little things - it's exactly what he does and loves too. And you are right, it's just on the surface. But I fell for it as I've never had this much in common with everyone, even if on the surface.. Thank you again for your reply, it made me head a lot clear! I still feel something for him as we keep chatting like friends but I feel a lot better after reaching out on here. A lot clearer. And such a beautiful saying about the sparks!!!
  8. I've heard of it, yes:) And you are right, it does seem like I was struck by such an arrow as it happened so fast and unexpected. And is a really cruel thing..
  9. If he isn't stable or sane, he's incredibly kind and interesting, warm and nice and we have tons in common. It hurts that I lost him, that my mistake gave him a push and killed any of his feelings for me.. I wouldn't turn him away for being unstable.. It doesn't define him as a person.. I think
  10. It took me a month to feel like I had a crush on that guy. But it wasn't strong, I felt okay. When I came to this site with that post it was already 10 months later after we met. And I was infected by suddenly contacting me.. I've been single and confused for 1,5 years now.. I know what I want, I want to feel loved..
  11. Even if so.. Why does it hurt so bad.. It's just we have so many things in common as we talked lots in the beginning, I fell in love with his smile we are even of the same age. He literally just texted me that all the romantic feelings are gone for him. It's just I can't stop sending him big messages saying how sorry I am and how much I regret.. He says "I'm so sorry you are hurting so much, but it's me who should be apologizing, not you". As I keep saying sorry for hurting him.. I'm just so so sad, each day is worse. I kinda felt like this with every guy, it seems stupid if I think about it but it's true. I liked very few guys in life, this new. Guy is the fourth but most definitely I have more things in common with him than with everyone else (even though I felt like this about everyone) but it's true, I do have more with him and it hurts to lose it. I felt so happy with him during first days.. We talk like friends and play chess online but it seems like it's everything he wants from me - play chess. But it hurts that I'm only a chess pal now. From being a very special girl for him (as he said that he never fell so quickly for anyone and I believe it) I'm now a chess pal. So fast and so rapid..
  12. That's actually the first time I fell so quickly for someone..:(
  13. I think so too! And I told him so many, many times - every couple fights. But he wants something impossible. But I just don't understand, if he's not happy anymore, why giving me hopes that we can be together if we stop fighting, why not release me from this sad and losing game. He keeps my near and I feel guilty each time I meet someone I might like, I feel chained. Yet I can't just throw him out as he feels like my best friend/brother to me. And he says the same about me. He says he wants to support me and be there for me. But you are right, I need to be really away to heal, to move on. But it's just impossible to do, I tried The thing is, with this new guy I got scared and came back to my ex. And only after I lost the new guy (told him I agreed to try with the ex (just trying, my ex didn't ask me to be his girlfriend again but simply to e a good girl before I can apply to be a gf)) only then I realized that I'm ready to move. But the new guy won't take me back now, as he moved on, really really fast he moved on. But I felt very, very happy with him, whatever it really was, huge interest, attraction or what, I felt loved and very happy. I haven't felt that way in 1,5 years. I'm just tired of being single. Tired of working for a relationship. I needed to lose someone really nice and kind to understand I'm ready to move on and step into something whole heartedly. But that's the thing, I lost that someone really nice and kind, the new guy. I understand it happened really fast, we are just two 23y.o. kids who felt strongly for each other. But he doesn't feel that anymore, when I do. That's what hurts
  14. Gosh no! I don't communicate with that lying cheater anymore and thanks to all the wise and kind people here! Can't believe how stupid I was back then, just a month ago. People here helped me tons to get him out of my head really fast and opened my eyes. But after I had a crush on him I felt really really guilty and confessed about it to my ex.. He said he needed time to process it but he was alright. As I was crying a lot and asking for forgiveness.. Even though he dumped me 1,5 years ago and I had a whole right to try move on So this time as well, the exact thing happened.. I know it's really fast and not really love on both of our sides with this new guy, just strong attraction. But I got scared and confused and thought I only wanted to be with my ex. Turned out I wasn't, turned out I'm ready to move but it cost me something probably beautiful with the new guy. Yes, we fell for each other really quick and it disturbs me that he fell out of it just as quickly. But the thing is it's really hard as I've never had SO much in common with someone, not with anyone ever. Even though we really just met, we talked all days long first week and just couldn't get enough. I miss him being into me, missing me. Because he isn't into me now, doesn't miss me. But I'm hugely into him and miss him (we barely talk now as I bombarded him with "I'm sorry" messages and he just didn't know what to say except that he can't control his feeling and can't come back. So it really hurts But you made me smile saying my ex is impossible to please. I never thought of him like that but it's just so incredibly right!
  15. No, actually not, I wouldn't say I'm combative and wouldn't say I'm moody. I was very very stressed 1,5 years ago and picked up lots of fights with my ex. So he dumped me. Since then all the fights happened because he didn't want to take me without conditions. He said we would have a chance if only not fights. That has been kind of offensive ever since as if I don't deserve unconditional love Plus he says he doesn't want me out of his life, he says he wants to be there for me, support me. I don't hang on to him
  16. That's true, we hardly know each other and he actually said "I know it's been only two or three days since we met but I almost want to tell you I love you" and I felt similar. First I asked him that maybe it was just strong attraction and he said probably so. But after I made my mistake and jumped between him and my ex he said he was in love. Ah, I knew it anyway, I knew he was because I was too But I've been single for 1,5 years now, I thought I wasn't over my ex and it cost me this potential new relationship to understand that I was over my ex. I truly am. I love my ex no more than a best friend or brother for all the support he gave me since we broke up. But the new guy won't take me back now and you say he's right to do so.. But I can't.. It hurts so badly that he won't, that he moved on, that he's not in love anymore (or whatever it was it's gone) but I'm not. My feelings for him remained and got bigger and are getting bigger. And so is the feeling of regret and pain..
  17. With my ex? Surprisingly just about our relationship. He dumped me 1,5 years ago but we never stopped talking and supporting each other. But since he dumped me I couldn't move on and asked him to take me back multiple times. He never did but he made conditions - I don't cause fights and never am moody and then we might have a chance. Humiliating in a way. But each time he'd offer that it'd be through a fight. I wanted him to fight for me, I I kept saying it's not real love if it has to be conditional. He'd never give in, so I had to work on myself, be less moody and cause no fights. And for some time I would but then I'd come to him and it would turn out that not enough time has passed or still too many fights happen (when very few in my opinion) and then I would flip because of it, that it's not enough, that he won't take me back. And it'd start all over again. Now though I don't need it as I fell for someone else, at once..
  18. I just don't want to believe it was just huge interest in the beginning as it hurts really badly. Yes, it came really really fast, his feelings, and I responded just as fast too. Although he says he was in love (now he says he WAS in love that is) it did go away fast so maybe you are right.. Just interest confused with love.. Yet he did say he was very, very into me. We texted a lot and he missed me if I went away working for 40 minutes, he texted me during the night saying he missed me. And it hurts so much he doesn't do it anymore. Doesn't miss me. He barely texts me now. Although we agreed to be friends and I know I hurt him, I just LOVE talking to him so very much. I miss him. I understand things changed and he can't be sweet with me anymore. But I miss it so much But I wrote it really confusing in my post. I regret, hugely regret, coming back to my ex and then telling the new guy that. I was confused and thought I wanted my ex only. But then realized that I didn't. I was just confused. And I regret that because it hurt the new guy and he moved on and doesn't want me anymore. That's what I regret. As for my ex, we've been separated for 1,5 years now but we never stopped talking and yes, I couldn't move on and he made me conditions - a relationship in exchange of no fights. And for 1,5 years I was trying to do just that, cause no fights to deserve love. I just got used to it although it hurt me badly and we fought lots about it too - that he made me fight for him, a pun, when he never fought for me and only made me work for a relationship. But I can't cross him out and throw him out of my life. He's my best friend as he was there for me through many hardships, he talked to me when I was broke and anxious not being able to find a job, when my grandpa died in April, and my other things, small and big. We talk every day (text, very rare calls) and we come to each other for support. He feels like a family member, like a brother. I can't stop contact with him as he feels I'm his family too. But that's the thing. I've been single for 1,5 years now. I found someone I really really liked, I got scared and came back to my ex like a chained dog feeling like I was cheating. And when I did, when I told my ex about the new guy and he offered his thing again - don't cause fights then we'll have a chance, after I told the new guy that I agreed - only then I realized that I'm ready to move on. But now no one wants me, the new guy doesn't want me after what I had done. He moved on, I can't and don't really want to as I still have hopes to be with him.. So it hurts badly he doesn't want to be with me anymore.. I miss him, his smile and the way he was when he was in love
  19. To be honest it soothes me a bit, thinking that maybe it was infatuation. It's just I never ever fall for anyone quickly, it takes me a lot of time and with my ex I made sure to pace myself afraid that it wouldn't be serious. But it's just this time it happened so fast that it seems special. That guy I met 2 weeks ago seems special, during first week we talked really lots. And I found out so many things about him that I loved. He also said so many nice things. We are even of the same age, he's just 1,5 months older than me. He said I was kinder to him than any stranger before, he said he was walking around with a "stupid happy smile" on his face all day long. He sent me a photo and I just loved that smile. He said I was giving him butterflies in his stomach. I loved hearing it but at some point, a week after talking to him, I got scared and that's why rushed to my ex, as to the safe place. I mistakenly thought that I loved only him. So I told them both the truth and realized that no, I love my ex no more like a brother. But now it's too late. You say that he won't take me back, no sane guy would, and it just hurts so badly. And so surprisingly badly as I really don't know him much, I only know like 1% percent about him. But I love that 1%. It hurts that he doesn't need me anymore, my kindness, or me making him smile. It hurts that I don't do it for him anymore but I want to. You said it's not love if his feelings were gone in an instant, that's true. It took him just 24 hours to move on. Although on the day when I told him the truth he said he was having a really hard time moving on, feeling great emptiness and a hole inside, he said that no one has my wit and sense of humor. On the next day he didn't need my wit or sense of humor or anything.. But the thing is it's not for me. It's been already a little more than a week. We barely talk with this new guy as he said he wanted to be friends - I stayed. But I can't stop hurting, I want to be with him and it hurts that he doesn't want it. His feelings came fast and went away just as fast. My feelings came fast but they don't go away, it feels like my feelings for him and my pain is only bigger and worse...
  20. You are very right.. Thank you..
  21. Thank you but I'm really not.. I always feel like I don't deserve anyone or anything. I had no dignity in my previous relationship as I had to fight for it, for my ex, but he never fought for me, only made conditions.. And if I was powerful I wouldn't feel like a dog, coming back to the owner again and again.. But thank you...
  22. Hey there.. Wishing everyone well and thank you so much in advance for any reply! So how do I start.. 3,5 years ago I started dating a guy but we broke 1,5 years ago because of the fights. I was hurt but he kept saying that if we stop fighting then we might have a chance again. It was humiliating but since then that's what I've been trying to do - be a good girl and fight less because I was still in love with him and wanted to get back together. But no matter how little we fought, whenever I came to him asking to take me back it never was good enough, he wanted no fighting whatsoever, so each time I got hurt and snapped and it started all over again. But for some months I've been trying to move on yet kept talking to my ex. He knew I've been trying to move on Then 2 weeks ago I met someone and to my surprise he fell in love with me and I fell in love with him incredibly quickly, as we have tons in common and generally felt so attracted to each other. I got really scared of it and I felt as if I was cheating on my ex which is crazy. So I came to my ex and told him about it as I felt really guilty. And I felt like I was still in love with him. He said that we can only get back together if we stop fighting. Confused and scared I agreed to be miserable in that humiliating trying again. So, of course, I told the guy I met two weeks ago. And he got really hurt. I was hurt too because after I agreed I felt like it was a mistake as it was a mistake each time I agreed to be good and cause less fights before. The new guy said he felt empty and that he had a giant hole inside and it just hurt me badly to hurt him like that. I immediately regretted agreeing and I tried to get out of my ex's offer as much and as fast as I could. Unhappy I caused a fight and three days after agreeing I told my ex that I only want to be friends. But the thing is, on the next day after I told the new guy the truth he told me he already moved on. I was surprised by that, but I didn't tell him I was trying to end it with my ex. The new guy said he was trying to be man about it. The next day he told me his love, his feelings are in the past. I told him I ended it with my ex. He was very very sorry and sweet and worried for me. But he didn't take me back as his feelings are already gone. And so since then I die a little bit inside. We don't talk much with the new guy although during happy first days we were talking all night long about everything in the world, about meeting too, and watching sunset together. I was scared and confused and made a mistake and regretted it immediately and tried to get out. But after I made the mistake - I realized things. I realized that I'm somehow addicted to my ex, feeling guilty when trying to move on although. Since I told the new guy the truth, I've had a hole inside me and it's just growing non stop, it's overwhelming. All day I sit and want to close my eyes and forget that I even exist or every 5 minutes it just gets so extremely loud I get up and want to throw myself on the bed. I don't know if time heals, it seems like it's only getting worse, that empty feeling inside is only getting bigger and worse. And it hurts so bad that he moved on so fast. He says he can't control his feelings. He cant bring them back. I'm back to just the way my life was before I met him (alone but fine, I wasn't desperate for a relationship) but different, with the feeling that someone ripped my heart out. Regret is killing me. It's only worse and worse, I feel stupid more and more every day. I want to be with him but he moved on and I can't. A stupid mistake. I don't develop feelings for people easily. My ex was my first boyfriend and before him I never liked anyone so much or even fell in love. It was incredibly hard when he dumped me. But this time I developed feelings so fast it scared me. And I'm having a hugely hard time moving on, I just can't and I don't really want to move on. I keep hoping that he'll come back. Even though he says he doesn't feel that way for me anymore. We barely talk, I feel like I annoy him, he only wants to play chess (online) and be friends
  23. I can't express it enough how much I'm grateful for your reply! It feels like you read a huge psychology book on my case and summarized the most important things for me❤ That's true and it did happen to me before, my ex bf was the center of my life before and after the breakup my life fell apart into tiny pieces. I tend to be like this about every guy, he gets in my head and he's everything I can think about, everything I do is to be closer to him and such. I know it's wrong but I have a problem with making friends either. Well, hopefully when lockdown ends and I go back to the office I'll make a couple of friends but unfortunately it's under a big question as it's hard for me Nonetheless, you are incredibly right about the ethical side of this issue. I did a bad thing and then regretted it very much. And now I've done the same thing (although I don't know for sure if he has a gf still but it's still a possibility) and feel bad again. The same mistake with the same person and I understand that. I'm very weak and I feel bad to refuse him in chatting or sending selfies and such. Foolishly I let myself be led on
  24. You are so very right, I did the same mistake twice with the same guy and didn't learn anything.. I will though..
  25. Thank you.. Your advice is like a bucket of hold, sobering water.. In a good way, I mean! I know you are right and I will try to follow your advice as much as I can.. It just seems so hard because we have a lot of things and views in common. Except for this issue with chatting to me while he has a gf, he seems good and kind. But to be honest, your replies helped me to open my eyes wide and I start to get a little angry that he used me as an ego booster. But the problem is I get a but angry and decide to ignore him and throw him out of my head, and then I start to remember how we played "guess a Beatles song by saying the lyrics" during FaceTime and it warms my heart and my heart starts resisting to admit the bitter truth. But thank you so much!!! You helped me hugely to get on the way of sobering up and recovering!
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