I(30F) been best friends with this guy(35M) for 6 years, and I have decided to cut contact just yesterday when he told me he wanted to date people. I feel crushed and sick to my stomach.
We started as roommates who didn't know each other and became close almost instantly, we hung out for a while before it became intimate. When I told him about my wish to be in a relationship with him and my feelings, he was honest and told me he was seeing me more as friend. Somehow because of our closeness and all, we kept sleeping together for about a year on and off, until he decided to put an end to it because he felt bad for hurting me. I stopped insisting and we went on as friends until now.
The thing is with all this, our relationship became co-dependent to a point where we still did everything together, texted everyday. He got inheritance from his dad and bought a place, and I found a great deal on an apartment close to him (not intended at all). And even when we moved out on our own, with the pandemic and everything, we stayed close, seeing each other sometimes up to 5 days a week.
I now feel in a withdrawal period, it hurts like hell and although I know it will pass, my question is: is it possible for him to realize he loved me now that I'm gone? Or is it straight up wishful thinking?
In the meantime, I'm looking for advice to move on with my life and find myself outside of him, as my life has become full with him and now feels empty. Every little thing reminds me of him.
Thank you in advance for your help.