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Sal

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  1. My boyfriend and I do the same job but work from different locations. It’s a male dominant job and very profession. We come together often for nights out to let our hair down. I have been having a reoccurring issue with a girl on my boyfriends team which is causing me a lot of anxiety. I have been doing the job a few years longer than the other girl. She had joined my partners team and they all went on a night out. I know a lot of people in the job and was out with my own team so we all met up. This is where the issues began. I walked into the bar and saw her dancing all over my boyfriend. I held in any opinions or feelings about this and did not express them as I don’t like to cause drama publicly. My boyfriend saw me, came straight over, gave me a kiss and we stood chatting. Within minutes this girl had come over and pulled my boyfriend away. I was so cross as she was so incredibly rude to me. She knew who I was and I know if the roles were reversed I would absolutely have introduced myself and had a conversation with the girlfriend of my colleague. I should also mention this girl is married. I spoke to another girl who was there with my boyfriends team who said she had been behaving like this all night, grinding on all the men and attention seeking. She reassured me that my boyfriend had actually told her to go away at several points when she was too inappropriate so I did feel better about the situation. The next day I expressed my upset to my boyfriend. He was oblivious to this stuff on the night because he was drunk and in his own little world. He relayed this back to the girl in question. When I next met her, again on a night out, she immediately came over and introduced herself and apologised for her behaviour before. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and really appreciated the apology. I continued my night and sat with my friends while my boyfriend went off with his. We came together again in another bar. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her doing the same as before. Too close. Too ‘touchy feely’. I had several friends come up and ask me if I has seen what she was doing, saying they wouldn’t be happy if that was them. I kept my cool and ignored it. I trust my boyfriend. She continually came up to me, maybe 4-5 times and apologised and then trotted off and returned to the same behaviour. On around the 6th apology I had enough, especially when the apology consisted of ‘i’m really sorry, we’re friends, I do think he’s hot but we’re just friends’. I asked her to go away and leave me alone. I told her that her apology was rubbish as she kept repeating the same behaviour and I did not want to look at her anymore. She went off crying to my boyfriend. I was not going to allow this so went to get her to talk it out like adults. I explained to her that her behaviour was extremely disrespectful, that she is married and developing a poor reputation and that she clearly knew she was in the wrong for her continued apologies. I felt as though the air had been cleared and she had perhaps understood from my perspective. We had a few more nights out with little issues. She was still over friendly for my liking but I chose to present as un-phased by this. She often ended the night crying because she was too drunk and in my honest opinion, hated when she was not centre of attention. There have always been rumours about my boyfriend and this girl. I know that is down to previous nights out and the behaviour displayed but also the way with our job. There are always rumours when a man and woman work closely together. So I ignore them. I trust my boyfriend. The final incident follows a recent night out I had organised for my birthday. I had invited my boyfriends colleagues, including this girl, out of politeness. Before she arrived we had been having a great time. As soon as she arrived I felt tense and I do admit this is now my own insecurities due to the past issues. I really wanted to have a drama free night and a good time. So the night began and there were no major issues. A few things that irritated me, such as, she bought a round of drinks and left me out. I began to feel that every time I spoke she would overpower me and make it all about her. I ignored it and continued talking to my friends. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her trying to hold my boyfriends hand across the table. I saw him pull away. She was drunk again, my boyfriend always said to me this is how she gets when she is drunk. She then jumped up and forced her way onto the bench between me and my boyfriend. My friends called my boyfriend over to another bench away from her and he moved straight away. I became upset because it was my birthday and I spent the entire time watching her. I kept my upset between myself and my friend because I didn’t want to ruin the night. We continued on to another location, a friends house. On the walk I expressed to my boyfriend how I was feeling but said I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it as I didn’t want any drama. At our friends house we bumped into each other in the kitchen and the girl said she felt there was some tension between us. I explained that I already lacked trust due to her behaviour in the past and I couldn’t just forget that. I asked her how she would feel if I was behaving the way she was towards her husband to which she said she wouldn’t like it. I told her that she had crossed the line, she said ‘yeah I probably did go way over the line’ and I replied ‘the fact you know that and did it anyway is another reason I don’t trust you’. I told her I would NEVER stop my boyfriend behind friends with her, I didn’t want her to not text him or speak to him because i’m present, I don’t care that they are friends, just don’t disrespect me. We hugged it out and I felt like I had finally got my point across. She left the room and 5 minutes later I rejoined the group. I walked out and saw her sitting right next to my boyfriend, she was telling him about our conversation and cuddling him. At this point I was devastated. I walked out and sobbed to a colleague, explaining I simply didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t say a word from that moment until the moment we got home as I just felt absolutely defeated. When we arrived home I explained all the above to my boyfriend between tears. The problem is he brushes it off as ‘she gets too drunk, she’s not just like it with me’ but as a female I know her motivation is not innocent. He did completely understand why I was feeling the way I was and apologised for not doing more about it at the time. I want to be clear I also told him that he was disrespecting me by not putting a stop to it sooner and allowing her to be all over him (considering the rumours too). I know him well, I trust him and know that he loves me. We live together, we have future plans together and I know he would not jeopardise that. I know he would have just seen it a drunk cuddle from his mate and completely missed all the other stuff. But I still don’t think it is ok. He said he would talk to her at work when she is sober as he does not think she will even remember our conversation. I’m left feeling completely sad. My birthday was ruined. I feel anxious whenever my boyfriend goes out with her. Thinking if she behaves like this when i’m there, how bad is it when i’m not. The rumours hurt me, as much as I ignore them. I just want to be respected and I don’t know what more I can do to express this and put an end to this constant social event ruin? I’ve genuinely considered reporting her to our standards department but I don’t want to be petty.
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