My ex and I broke up about a month ago. They gave me a reason that they cared about me and the relationship, but not as much as I did. To give a bit more context is that they were already going through a rough period in their life before they called off the relationship. I asked them what are some boundaries that they would like from me during the break up and they said to not contact them and they would be the one to contact me, I could however call them if I was in an emergency situation.
For the rest of that month, I didn't really feel bad about the break up. After 30 days of no contact, I started to feel anxious like the whole break up just finally hit me. It really hurt after seeing them post pictures on their social media stories of them smiling. I was envious of that since I miss being able to see that all the time. So realizing that I unfollowed them from all my social medias (pictures from my phone). The pain was still there and with this being my first relationship ever I didn't know how to grieve during this time (like I'm already working out) and I'm still in that process. So in a moment of weakness, I sent out DM on instagram saying something positive like, "Hey I just wanted to say I hope you're doing good". They saw it and didn't respond. I didn't realize at first since I'm so emotional that I had appeared desperate and was most likely annoying them. A few days had passed, I was still in a bad spot that I had 3 similar nightmares, yet different endings. I had a panic attack, so I reached out to them again, "Hey is it possible for me to talk to my friend today? I do need help." This time they did respond back letting me know that they were sorry, but they were still in a bad spot mentally and could not be of any help. I sent back pretty much that I understood and would not have reached out if it wasn't important, but did not want to make their headspace any worse and wanted to see if we could try to talk soon or plan on talking at a more reasonable time. Later on, I saw that the message was read and CONTINUE to make the same mistake by letting them know that I was going back to leaving them alone but said if they could reach out when they can to please do so because it was important. Then yesterday, I have realize how much desperate I was coming off even if my intentions were coming from a good spot. I was still desperate, need more time to heal, and threw away any of my dignity in front of them. I don't know why this made sense to me, but that same day (yesterday) I sent out one last text and it just said, "Hey sorry for the last few days. Things have just been emotional on top of this breakup and I lashed out. Hope you're doing better."
I deleted their number because in the last few days, I have been understanding more and more from their view points on how this relationship came to an end. While they needed time and space because of their personally life. I had become very anxious about their well-being, and was over-stepping in the relationship like trying to fix everything, even though they didn't ask for help or not giving them the appropriate space they needed (during and after the relationship). I've been meeting with my therapist and I have a lot of healing and maturing to do. So I'm extending my part of the no-contact from 30 days to at least a year if not indefinite.
I know I'm gonna be able to get to the point where I can see my life without them again and be happy. I'm not at that stage yet, but I want to be at the point where I could be happy whether or not if they come back (friends or anything). I just want to know so I can learn for future relationship or even this one if they decided to forgive me for my overbearingness, do you guys think that while I'm focusing on myself that they could forgive me or even reach out again?