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Everything posted by RJK

  1. I have been with my partner for almost 14 years. A little background on us, I was an 18-year-old virgin that had never even been on a date and he was a 27-year-old that had slept around plenty but was ready to try to settle down. When we met, it was like wildfire. We clicked on so many levels. I not only opened up to him emotionally but physically, which I had never done, and he was patient, kind, and opened himself up emotionally, which he had never done. We fell in love so quickly and many had their doubts about it lasting but, despite the odds, we have remained together through blissful times and the hardest times either of us had known. 7 years into our relationship, we had a child, the first for us both, and we were the type that didn't plan on having kids, yet we did and we love our son completely. He is now 41 but he still is physically incredible and people often mistake him for younger than he is. I am now 32 but people often mistake me for older than I am. I did not gain weight immediately after having my son. In fact, I was a size 0-1 my entire life from 13-31. However, I suddenly gained nearly 50 lbs about a year and a half ago. I am actively trying to lose the weight now but I know that he is no longer attracted to me. The times that we have been intimate, he says that he loves me no matter what, but not only are we dealing with a relationship that is 13-years-old, my physical changes after birth, my weight gain, and our change in sexual habits, but our sex life has become something that is so few and far between that it might as well not exist. I feel like that, even though we both will always love another, maybe we are no longer in love. For me, I still desire him and I often find myself reminiscing on the times when he couldn't resist me. For him, I simply don't blame him for not wanting me as much anymore, or for the times when we do sleep together (we are talking maybe once every few months), it has become robotic, like let's get this done, there's no longer anything that is truly and deeply romantic in the sense that "I need you" about it, and I feel as though I am robbing him of the sexuality he deserves and myself included. I am a woman in my early 30's and, despite my unsightly physical appearance, my sex drive feels like it has gone into overdrive compared to what it was in my 20's and, back then with him, I was very active because of our passion. I feel like he deserves to spend his 40's having a wonderful sexual experience and if he is no longer interested in me as intensely, I feel like I need to let him go. Yes, we do love one another and we always will, but it feels more friendly to me now, and I don't think that is fair to either of us. I've begun working out hard every day to eventually get back to the physical appearance that I had always had but even then that doesn't mean that our sex life would return to what it was. He knows my insecurities, or at least he should, because I've expressed them to him several times. I don't think he realizes that simply saying he wants me once in a blue moon is enough to satisfy the changes I am going through hormonally as a woman in my 30's. I go to bed each night wanting, longing, depressed, and nostalgic for the days back when. I feel like I need to let him go but this was my first relationship and I simply don't know how to tell him that I think we should go our separate ways romantically and sexually. How do I explain this to him? I don't want to have another conversation where he thinks a quick lay will solve everything and I get that my giving in was my fault in the past for allowing him to think that was the solution. How do I do this? We both deserve to live our 30's and 40's sexually and emotionally satisfied. How do I break this to him and then deal after?
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