Everything posted by Neafus
A big thank you to all who have posted so far. It's been soooooooo helpful. And while reading over the posts just now, a lightbulb went off. A BIG LIGHTBULB. I know he is worried about what is going to happen, even though he says we're going to be OK, it's a concern. As far as my business, it's still growing, and isn't the type where I have income every day. I don't think he realized that before. Yes, I pushed him out of the control of the deal, and I've never done that. I think me basically taking control took him by surprise. Yes, I did take some pretty serious digs at him in the process, and I've never done that before. But this outburst may be him venting in a major way, and my driving/"embarrassment" may have simply been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's (his) back. Because he is the type to be very private, even with me. And always wanting to be in control, or at least be able to claim control. Again, WOW. I have a lot to journal about. But this isn't over by any means. I still need to get my head in a good place.
Wiseman2, I'm thinking of finding someone to talk to, a therapist or just a very big shoulder. Doing an internet search as part of it (has to be low cost, no insurance so he won't find out). The thing is, this is something new, something I've never seen in him before. Oh, he's been pissed, but never to this point of being visibly pissed and giving me the silent treatment. I think there is more going on--he is scheduled to retire in about 3 weeks, and was going to start working with me in my business. Working with me would mean giving up a lot of control to me, not being able to do things his way, which sometimes means cutting corners and going a little renegade but getting the job done in with awesome results. And the fact is we have different work styles and personalities: he is "A" type, touch-things-once versus mine is a more easy going, build a relationship first style. So the comment that he thought my business is only a hobby, really hurt.
Just over 40 years of marriage. We were going to pick up my new car, both of us were excited. Until we hit the traffic slowdown that lasted over 10 miles. I was driving, husband was in the passenger seat trying to control how I was driving (speed up, you're too close, go around this guy) along with various gripes/comments about how late we were because of traffic, general comments about traffic and how slow everyone was going, finally to the point of telling me to drive on the berm around the semi that was slowing traffic to get around him. All the time I was saying nothing. Then the low fuel gauge came on and that started a whole different set of comments. When we stopped to get a couple of gallons of gas, I asked if he wanted to drive, or if he was going to let me drive my way. When we got to the dealership, I guess I lost it. I vented to the sales lady with comments about the drive. Comments to him that he said were totally berating and humiliated him in public to someone we didn't know. And looking back, he's right. He said this happened once before (I don't remember), but last night I just wouldn't drop it, just kept going and going and going. The 40 miles home was a silent ride with him getting out of the car before it came to a full stop. And still today, I'm getting the silent treatment and I think it may be deserved. When I finally asked, he said because if he said *anything*, he would probably regret it later. And that I didn't know know how close he was to throwing my stuff on the front yard and telling me to f-off. For good. He said if that happened, he didn't care what would happen to me or the fact that I wouldn't have any way to support myself. That I don't contribute anything to the marriage, and the business I think I have is just a hobby in his eyes. I love him. He is the only man I have really loved and been with. I can't lose him, but at this point he won't forget or forgive me.