We met just after I had ended a very long relationship and was about to move far away. So I told her I couldn't do anything serious and we didn't but she wanted it. She was average looking and I wasn't as attracted to her as other girls but it was enough for something to start. We dated for two or three months and it was an incredible time. Our personalities were very different on the outside but yet so similar in the inside so we just meshed perfectly together. Reading reach other's minds, deeply fascinated and understood, the whole thing. Most accurate descriptions online are soul mate.
This ended and I moved across the country. We never told each other how we felt and we didn't talk during this two years. But my feelings grew stronger somehow and I felt I had to reach out. I told her that I love her and I sincerely do. She had just ended a relationship, her job and her apartment lease and was getting ready to do some traveling for awhile. So she decided to come visit and we didn't put an end date on it. I was imagining spending the rest of my life with her.
And this is where the problem starts. She gained some weight and went from me being just attracted enough to not really attracted. She showed up in terrible looking jeans half rolled up and a baggy t-shirt. I didn't believe it was her at first. She didn't put any effort into trying to look cute and there were all sorts of other things like this wrong. Meanwhile i pulled out all the stops, bringing flowers, gifts and decorating to make her feel special. But I just felt stupid.
We had sex the first night but I felt I was forcing it and haven't initiated since. Kissing has grown to feel weird and in the meantime she told me she loved me too. We haven't talked about it yet and things are stuck in this in-between state which is causing intense anxiety in me. I normally date very attractive women - the last one I went on a date with used to be a model just to give an idea. I realize that's a very privileged thing to say but I point it out because it makes the feeling of disappointment so much worse because I had an incredible and fulfilling sex life. I still love her deeply and feel we are perfect together but I am not attracted and she's staying with me 24/7. I don't know where to go from here.