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Everything posted by Johnb17

  1. I suppose deep down I want know if I will see or hear off her or the kids again really. That’s the painful part..a death in a sense.
  2. Maybe she would or maybe she needs get rid of all that pain! it’s always the unknown that kills or the what ifs I suppose I kind of do realise I’m in no position to contact her! I don’t feel it is games on her side and she has been battling inside with everything and our relationship. but she needs her time now also! I will respect that I aren’t the person to go over her boundaries now she as said for fear of been blocked etc and I hope it would t come to that! but if it was someone else then I hoped she would of said as in a way it would of made it easier
  3. So any form of contact would push her further away? A letter etc..not to want her back but leave her on I feel as last time I saw her was the weekend we spent away and feels awful leave it on a text message.
  4. I just meant in terms of after the relationship she got back in touch after 3/4 weeks (for a hook up I know) and it developed fast that spend more time together and then now she’s pulled away again. what’s to say she won’t reach out again? As previous.
  5. Was I wrong to fall back into contact so soon then? it just felt natural and a relief to hear from her and was on her terms then! Because she contacted me! maybe I’ve come on too strong too soon though. I understand how adamant your view is but people do also get back together I’m not saying that here but if we all gave up so soon nobody ever would? I suppose she has tried while still having those memories which wasn’t wise on either side but probably both selfish in that sense. And all the pressure combined as made her run. im not making excuses I’m just saying.
  6. I am for sure I am wanting her come back as this as only been since last Friday. I don’t deny that at all. but I know reality is quite different. I’m more of case she has always come back in the past 6/7 months but it does feel different this time. Not that I’m saying worse or better but it feels she as got rid of her dead weight(me) she wants to focus on her future and on her words I’m not part of that,but she said this previously
  7. I agree with all of your points and I understand many people have been through this and it’s not that I’m waiting for her to come back it’s more a case of moving forward and if paths cross as we live in the same town go to the same gym coffee shop etc etc. I do think she has tried and wanted it to work and it hasn’t. like she says to re introduce back to the kids she has to be 100% sure and she is t I don’t know if these are all things to say to help me move on as she hadn’t been nasty about this but to the thing that got me was she wanted me be happy and have my own family I do feel as if she has somebody because it is the same as when we first split. Will she miss me also? To the point where she would want to try again as we have never not been in each other’s life’s for the past 4/5 years in a sense even when split we hooked back up after 3/4weeks where she was the one to reach out.
  8. And I suppose the kids are huge void even though they are not mine I’ve known them since small ages and been a dad to them. Even if it was a case of seeing them and she didn’t I would like that but I can’t change that
  9. I appreciate your brutal honesty in all of this! in my position granted I take your opinion on board. I can say why if and all of that and if she truly wanted to come back she would come back on her terms. I don’t want to force her to come back! I agree she has stepped up and maybe should of been the one before to either say your either or out I’ve given her time to process it and let me go slowly which I feel a slight fool for her as the void for her as been easier! I do believe she truly loved me or she would t of been willing to marry me but something as changed over time even though that’s only a year ago. and at moments like I said she was all in but not committing where she feels the pressure and anxiety of it all is too much. And she says it’s fairer to let me go now and I take that on face value but there seems no feelings on her side now! maybe that will change in time who knows x
  10. I agree I was a willing participant as I thought it was leading somewhere even upto 6 weeks ago she would reach out every single time. we would spend most of our spare time together. but I just don’t know as you say she as used me to get over me or it was a case she wanted to be in that environment and around me. I can’t Unchange things I totally understand that it was more a case of that she was growing to love me again this way. we have never truly had space apart from the three weeks at the start of the end if that makes sense. I don’t know if time heals this as she has reached out previously when things have gone quiet but it does feel different this time now. I feel I want to say something like I said previously but anything will fall on deaf ears I fear. she also at 40 probably as to be sure, and it feels the same previously that she dropped me when she met someone else.
  11. Does this mean gone forewver then if she was weaning herself off me? And why would someone do this like is that fear of letting go or the courage to do so or because she wanted to be around me.
  12. It feels like she as no emotion towards any of this neither.
  13. I totally understand but with been in this on/off for 6 months as it drained her or is it been used as an excuse? like nothing as happened lately for her to change like this as two weeks ago be spent a holiday together but she said she wasn’t sure about going. she’s at an age now where she says she has to be sure because of the kids and she is t sure. I don’t know what to believe or what my options are..it feels like the break up as been drawn out over these months as both didn’t want to let go but not sure if that’s been easier for her in a sense as I’ve always been there to try and win her heart back.
  14. It’s just she said this before and then came back and then feel I pushed it too soon.
  15. I understand what you say about letting go, but truly it’s the last thing I want to do. Not in terms of there is more fish in the sea but I was going to marry this lady and don’t easily want to give up on that but I feel I’m out of ideas on what to do.
  16. As she meant that I want her and the family back together. but she doesn’t want that. well I meant as in new version of myself I meant I had changed in terms of what I wanted to do in terms of drinking and quitting that which I’ve enjoyed. Which was always the downfall of my relationship.
  17. We had been together for 4 years lived together and were engaged for one year before we were getting married in June until Covid hit. she is 40 and myself 33..the relationship had its ups and down and I promised to change On a few things and only until last year I finally did but she says can’t forget the past. And as much it’s a new version of me and she knows what I want she can’t give that to me. Even while we split she had to do pregnancy test and it was at a stage where she was inviting me round most afternoons for a coffee and a chat. Then she would go quiet and I would push harder and then finally probably pushed her too far make a decision and she says even after all this time she doesn’t feel the same way and I can’t do anymore but she doesn’t see me in that light. the limbo I agree but it felt better to have something that nothing as it seemed at certain points we were getting somewhere.
  18. Well where do I start, maybe some help in terms of what to do next, me and my ex split up roughly 7/8 months ago now and due to get married last year. after she ended the relationship I know she met someone a couple of times. It freaked her out at that stage I knew and then it turned to anger. we didn’t speak for 3/4 weeks and then she messaged to meet up(sexually). we did this on a few occasions and then led to more..we have been in this limbo now of pushing and pulling for 6 months now until lately she finally wrote a message after spending the weekend together to finally say she has to let me go as much as I’ve changed from past problems in the relationship she can’t forget the past. She says to move forward now she has to leave me behind and that she wishes me well. I tried to contact after this but she said would help if I didn’t contact her from now and that I should go and forget about her too. As the pressure is too much. We shared 3 kids not mine but helped bring them up for the 4 years together. I asked if they would be part of my life still and she said for the first time it won’t be right. even when it first ended she said they would always be happy see me and that be good for them but she had slowly distanced me from them to the point of this now. She said she is exhausted from it all and that there is no one else but she doesn’t feel the same way and she as tried and what I’ve done if she wanted to commit she would of done but she says she has changed and her feelings have been drawn away. She doesn’t look at me the same or love me the same. not sure what my options are now I asked about if we could go back to getting to know each other and she just said we are going round in circles and we tried that but it isn’t working for her now. I feel like I need do something but I don’t know what...I asked if I could grab a cofffee with her but it’s was sadly written back that she is so sorry but she can’t see me anymore
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