I have been with my girlfriend for >2 years now. Altho it all started very positively, it has not being going very well. We started living together right before the pandemic started, so immediately being "lockdowned" together, mostly working from home, gave a lot of stress. But more importantly (to me): there is no intimacy between us.
My GF has always had trouble with intimacy, in her past relationships, and also in this relationship. She feels like she has a wall around that, and anything that could lead to intimacy, is scary to her (kissing, touching especially in bed, hugging in bed, etc). This is most likely caused by sexual trauma in her teen years.
This lack of intimacy, together with lockdown stress, makes that we currently do not feel (romantically) connected to each other; it feels like we're more roommates than romantic partners. We have been trying to work on this: do fun things together, hugging each day before we go to sleep, etc. But this has not had much effect, and I feel the energy is running out.
A couple of months ago, she told me she is interested in a more open relationship. I am not, and therefore have so far said "no" to being open. She is not happy about that, but has accepted it so far.
Recently, however, she admitted that she has been active in online BDSM-communities, and that she (now) believes that being a sub in dom/sub (BDSM) relationship can help her overcome her trauma's, which in turn might help with our intemacy issues and help us reconnect to each other. She wants her partner in this to be someone else (not me), as she feels it might hurt the dynamics of our relationship. Beside that, I'm not interested in BDSM, and we both don't believe that I would be a good dom.
Altho the final outcome (her making steps in overcoming trauma's) is great, I am quite uncomfortable with the idea of her being intimate (especially in such an extreme way) with other partners. I feel like I would be very jealous. This jealousy is amplified by the fact that there is no intimacy between me and her. Additionally, I am scared that I will completely lose my attraction to her: to me, it feels dirty, but not in a good way.
Since our relationship started so well, we have a nice place together, and the "teamwork" is going okay, I have a hard time giving up the relationship. The facts that I don't easily find girls interested in me(I have had only had one serious relationship before this one) and I don't want to hurt her, also make the decision harder.
My question is therefore: is it worth going through this period of pain for me to have the possibility to repair this relationship? Or is it better at this point to give up on this relationship, and save myself some pain? What should I consider to make this decision? Has anybody gone through a simular situation?
TL;DR: My girlfriend believes submissive/BDSM interactions can help her cope with personality issues and trauma in her past. I'm not sure the hardship of having to cope with her doing that is worth it. Hoping for pointers on how to make the "stay or leave" decision.