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Nichole2005

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  1. I feel like I don’t know how to leave. Or that I’m making a mistake. I always think about the things that he does do for me, or the way he brags on me to the world on Facebook, or how we finish each others sentences and all that same old stuff everyone says. But I know I can’t keep living a life like this. I am so miserable and I truly just don’t know how to find the strength to leave. I’m 34 years old with a degree, a good career and an amazing son, who’s father cheated on me and he’s already faced so many changes with that... I know it all sounds like excuses..I’m just looking for a way to find the strength or the answers
  2. It’s a cycle, he will only be good to me when I am about to leave or if I pull away and act like I do not care. It is an exhausting game that we’ve been playing for five years now. He gaslights me and tells me I am crazy for being upset that he doesn’t touch me for months. He doesn’t hold my hand, kiss me. Hug me, nothing. He never tells me I look pretty, nothing. When we are in public around his friends, or my family, he puts his arms around me, brags on me, all of those things but when we’re home, nothing. He tells me he doesn’t touch me cause of how I act, and that he shouldn’t have to carry me around on his hip like a child. I go months without him even being near me. All we do is fight and it’s always either because I’ve caught him doing something in his phone, hiding stuff from me, hitting on other women...he has never physically cheated, but the things he does are so disrespectful. I feel like a live in maid. When I ask him to spend time with me, he tells me I can follow him around the yard while he works, it’s insanity. I take care of his child and my own child full time, work and go to school full time, and take care of literally EVERYTHING in my home. When it comes down to the time that I’m ready to leave, he mopes around and says he doesn’t deserve anyone, his life will always be this way, all that stuff to make me feel bad for him. Just last month he was his Hiding a photo in his phone. The only reason I knew was because he forgot about it and was showing me something in his phone and when I went to scroll over, he snatched it from me and started shaking. I asked him to hand me his phone and he refused, he ran out into a thunderstorm in only his boxers, up to our barn and deleted whatever it was, then still swears that it was a photo of my graduation present (college) that he spent so much money on that he didn’t want me to see. Graduation has passed, no expensive gift to be seen. It had to have been something really bad or he would have never behaved that way. In the past if I had picked up his phone, I would ALWAYS find something suspicious...him going through girls only fans pages, adding random girls on Facebook, that type of thing, hidden naked picture of exes... I let it all go cause it was years ago, but he used to tell me I shouldn’t have been going through his phone if I didn’t want to find stuff. He tells me all the time he wants me to have a baby, and us get married but I know if we can’t go a week without fighting, then we will never make it with a baby or through marriage. I’ve begged him and begged him to tell me what it is that I do wrong to him, and he can never tell me. He says all I do is ***, but I am utterly alone...all of the time. I spent the first 2 years of our relationship with him either putting his daughter in between us in bed at night, or him sleeping in her room. The last two years has been him sleeping in the recliner, and when he does come to be with me now, (which is rare) he doesn’t hold me or even come near me. He turns his back to me and watches a movie on his phone, and acts like he’s doing nothing wrong. He will even say goodnight love you and turn over, and I’ll fry myself to sleep and he knows it but truly just goes to sleep as if it’s nothing. Even when we have a family day, it feels like it’s just him and his daughter and me and my son, it’s never a family feel, it’s awful, I can’t explain it. There’s a lot more and he has changed over the years but the intimacy, love and understanding is not there at all... I always feel as if I’m on the back burner or like his last choice. And anytime that I get fed up and start to pull away and get to my breaking point, he treats me good for about a week, then it all starts again. He says I don’t give him enough time to change, but five years??? That’s five years to change. The screaming, yelling, gaslighting, manipulation, it’s all so real.. I don’t know how or what to do, I don’t know what to do to get the strength that I need cause I feel so weak and keep holding on and I don’t know why. I feel so much anger and resentment that even when he does try, I can’t even be happy about it cause I know it will always go back to the same roller coaster...just looking for advice. Will he ever change?
  3. He says he invites her cause he knows she won’t come and is just being nice and making conversation?? So he chooses to be nice to her and disrespect me...she doesn’t invite him to her house because she would not want to disrespect the man she is with. That is not how you “be nice” to someone...he placed her in front of me. I just feel so numb to all of it. Like I accept things that he does to me now just because I am so used to it. I feel so stupid to have dealt with as much as I have from him over the years. The worst part is he is laying there acting like he did nothing wrong. I don’t know any man personally not even of his friends who would disrespect their spouse in this way, multiple times. It’s like I am waiting for him to physically cheat for me to leave. I have dealt with years of emotional and mental abuse, why do I continue to stay and deal with the things that I do. I feel so stupid. I am a grown woman, I have a degree, a great job, and I am allowing this man to cause me to spiral, and it is my own fault. And the worst part is he is teaching his child how to treat a woman and my child how to accept this treatment.. there’s so much, I could write a book...
  4. When I first met my fiancé he lied to me about his “best friend” and told me they had never slept together. A girl who he had previously dated called me to tell me that I should be aware that him and her slept together all the time and that she knew he would tell me they didn’t so that he could continue their “friendship.” When I confronted him about it, he lied and then later admitted that he lied and I stayed. A year into the relationship, after they had flirted and and text, shared and commented on Facebook posts, and just flat out made me uncomfortable, he invited her to our home for an outing to a haunted house, I expressed that it just made me uncomfortable being around someone that he lied to me about sleeping with, he snapped on me and told me I was a insecure jealous woman and that she was his best friend and I needed to get over it. We didn’t end up going not because of me or his choice, but because she had plans. Fast forward to 2 years after this, I bought a cabin in the woods for the weekend, spent 500 dollars for us to have some time together without our two children. While we are there he expresses to me in the middle of our trip that he misses his best friend, then refers to her, on a romantic trip that we are on, he brings her up and tells me she is his best friend and that he misses her. I’m skipping many details and betrayals throughout our relationship, mind you...well tonight we run into this girl while at the store with our children. When he saw her it was like he could not keep his composure, he was shaking and removing things from the grocery counter and asking if she was getting married, it was completely out of character. I even tried to make it as if I didn’t care by being kind and talking to her as well..when we were leaving he turns to her and says “hey, stop by and see me sometime.” This was the third time that he has invited this woman to our home. We are shriek couple who have been together for 5 years, we have two children, one mine one, we both have full custody and I care for his child as if he were my own. We are a grown family with jobs a home, a career, a life, and he still continues to do things like this when he sees her. I do not feel that it is ok to invite a woman into your family that you slept with multiple times, a woman you asked to be with you and she told you she wasn’t ready for a relationship with someone who had a child, a woman who you lied to me about in order to keep her in your life, they lied together, they both made a pact to not tell me or the man she was taking to at the time.. a woman who you expressed to me that you missed and proclaimed her to be your best friend while on a romantic trip...I don’t know what to do or how to feel. It was like watching a giddy little girl meeting her high school sweet heart again. I expressed to him the last time he invited her to our home that I was not comfortable with him doing that, that it made me feel disrespected and that I would never invite a man to our home that I had had sex with on multiple occasions, that I asked to be mine but he wouldn’t, that I lied to him about just to keep him in my life. I have never seen him act the way that he did in this store, not with any woman, any ex, any person that he hadn’t seen for a while, it was completely out of character for him to act the way that he did and he invited this woman to our home in front of our children.. even after I asked him to please not do it again. He has kept many secrets from me, lied to me multiple times, been caught hiding pictures and messages from me, and some pretty awful things that I do not want to go into detail about, I just need to know if I am crazy or wrong for being upset? He is laughing at me and telling me he can’t do nothing right, telling me I’m crazy and making me feel stupid, like he always does. Just needing advice please.
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