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Cristina70

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  1. I have asked my partner to leave today. I found proof he was definitely lying. I am scared in case i do not cope but I think I need to do something. I was worried about telling my daughter but she took it better than I had expected. Thanks a lot for all the advice yesterday.
  2. Thanks a lot for your reply. You are right in a lot of things you say. And it is nice to hear an honest opinion even if it is hurtful. It makes me realise I have a lot to blame for being in this situation as I took a massive risk again. He always showed a lot of regret for cheating in his then wife, so I believed he would not do it again. However, after my ex husband's behaviour I should have known better, I completely agree. I feel very stupid about it. I also thought that by giving him what his exwife was not prepare to give him, it would be completely different. I just wanted a nice happy family different to what I had with my previous husband, where I often felt like a single mother. I am just trying to be nice and think with my head instead of letting my heart rule but I am obviously not doing a good job. If he was fully sincere and he had no hidden feelings for his wife, i think it would be ok for him to support her. I completely agree that when he feels caught, he turns into anger. That's one of the reasons I feel so suspicious.
  3. I agree he is using the piles as an excuse. It may be true he has lost his libido and is trying to blame you but it is not an excuse not to kiss you or have some intimacy, especially when you need it.
  4. I understand you feel nervous about giving the big step of leaving him, it is not an easy choice if you still have feelings for him. I am in a sort of similar situation and cannot think about doing it either. Could he be the one who moves out for a bit so you have time to know what you want to do? He could also go to therapy at the same time. Then he will also feel you are serious about it and may try to change.
  5. I would have said that I was happy. Things got difficult with lockdown as life was not easy with having to work at the same time as looking after a 4 year old and nothing exciting to look forward to but I never questioned our relationship and I knew it was just a hard time for everybody .
  6. Thank you! You are right, he knows how much this is hurting me and he continues lying. I am just so scared about leaving. One of my daughters has mental health problems and I wonder if it was aggravated by an unhappy family life. I want my children to be happy, but either choice will make it hard for them.
  7. They divorced 11 years ago, they were together for 8 years and they had loads of experiences as they travelled around the world for 1.5years. I think the reason their relationship did not work was because he wanted children and she didn't.
  8. It is more an emotional affair as she lives far away and she is poorly but it is still hurtful.
  9. Hello, I am completely stuck and would love to receive some advice. I met my current partner 7.5 years ago after separating from my ex-husband. It really felt a very special relationship and we had a little boy together now nearly 5. In November last year, his ex-wife contacted him out of the blue after 11 years of no contact. They separated because he cheated on her; she had not wanted any explanations then and disappeared. I was ok with them talking to each other as I thought it was a part of his life he had to close properly but then I started to be suspicious by the amount of messaging they were having and I decided to snoop. Some of the messages were flirty and the one that hurt the most was one that said he did not feel the same for me. We had some arguments about it and he said he would stop the contact. However, I believed they continued talking but they move from messenger to emails. In April this year, I discovered a present hidden in the car for her. When I asked him why, he said it was because she had contacted him again as she has just been diagnosed with cancer. Since then he has been to see her once. I am ok with him being in touch with her but only if it is open and normal. However, I am struggling to trust him. We had two sessions of counselling and after the second, he got very angry saying the counsellor was attacking him and telling him what to do, so we haven't had any more. I am obsessed he is lying and I keep checking on his phone (I feel awful about it) but it is so obvious that he deletes messages as their conversations do not flow, so I keep snooping more. I hate myself for doing it but I struggle with lies. My ex husband cheated on me several times and I do not think I ever dealt with it properly. This is not the relationship I want; i have thought about walking away from it but we have a little boy together, my daughters really like him and I still love him. I know it is not a physical affair as his ex-wife lives 90miles away but it is the lies that hurt the most.
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