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Bothered2021

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Everything posted by Bothered2021

  1. Number one, no he isn’t stoned watching kids. My kids are 10,13 and 16 also. He smokes at night after work/before bed. Once again, it’s weed. I don’t smoke it, maybe twice a year if that. I don’t see it as something terrible. But yes, he actually locks it a small safe. And he smokes it outside just like he does cigarettes. He doesn’t smoke near me or the kids and never in the house even if we are not around
  2. Thank you! You are right. I went from living with my parents to living with my first boyfriend. We both worked but I had that person to depend on. Then the same in the next two relationships. I have never been on my own so maybe that is why I am in the predicament I’m in
  3. I have a good job. The rents up here are insane. Maybe everywhere but they have increased drastically here. I do have a friend I could stay with but she has two kids too and her apartment is small. He does watch them for me, spend time with them, play games, take them outside, we equally make meals for them. That’s not an issue at all. I agree with all the work I need to do on my own. I haven’t been on my own in 18 years so it makes sense I don’t know what that’s like. And to be honest, it’s scary to me
  4. Fair enough. I thought these things would stop. Because he wasn’t always like this. But clearly not
  5. No actual things that make me feel like he has cheated or lied about something serious. Just dumb things that we addressed and haven’t been an issue. I don’t think he needs to tell me everything he does like I’m the warden or whatever but I mention things to him. Like oh I did this today or I have to go pick this up. He rarely does that. Like he could say I have to order today or I did order and I would expect it instead of looking out the window and she’s just there. And no he doesn’t try to look good when she’s coming, and he doesn’t know who it will be anyway.
  6. He can’t go it, they are strictly delivery. Most are up here. And he doesn’t smoke all day, he works a full time job. And, I am not knocking her for doing her job. It’s not like I see her and say “oh no the dumb *** or life ruiner is here” 😂 she’s actually very nice and I don’t think she is stepping on my toes. It just makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sitting around hoping she loses her job at all. I do have a psychiatrist but she obviously can’t help me in the therapy department. I am on a wait list for a therapist. I have invested in some self help books as of yesterday in relation to jealousy, anxiety, insecurity and how relationships impact it etc. I know books can’t really give me the support a therapist can. I have trouble opening up and find myself sugar coating things when I have talked to therapists in the past. Which isn’t helpful. This forum has been the most open and honest I have been when talking about my issues, which makes no sense why I can do it here but not face to face with a licensed therapist.
  7. Yeah. I have actually never experienced this type of behavior except as a kid in school. So it caught me off guard. Now I expect it. It still bothers me but I know it’s coming so it hurts less
  8. Idk if I responded already. Anyway: 3.5 years 35 the deliveries are because the product is good and affordable and they only deliver. Not home bound yes it’s her job. My pouting is not for attention because I don’t pout in front of him or follow him around whining about it. I guess pout may have been the incorrect term. I just kind of shut down. I disengage. I am absolutely not looking for attention And I agree. I didn’t realize this is a much deeper problem
  9. I think everyone was extremely helpful on this thread even if some were trying to be snarky. I expected that. But I truly appreciate how, although you think I am overreacting, you validated that is ok for me to have feelings that are not “normal”. And some possible solutions if we communicated to try and work this out. The others opened my eyes to bigger issues. I just wanted to thank you for taking an approach that didn’t make me feel bad or judged and acknowledged that as a person, I can have uncomfortable feelings about things that others find silly ♥️
  10. I mean I appreciate your advice. And although weed is technically a drug I don’t view it in a negative way. I have to take meds for mental illness so I guess technically I’m on drugs? but the other part I can see where you are coming from. And I have even said that he talks to me like I’m an animal or worse than an animal because he loves animals and would never treat them like he does me. I am far far far from perfect or even a good partner so I have my fair share of faults in the relationship. I guess we are just insanely toxic and even though I knew/know that I have an issue with letting go. I am 34 and have been in back to back relationships since I was 16. My first serious relation I was 16-23. Took a month to “reflect”. Hopped right into a relationship at 23 with an abusive man that lasted until I was 30. Took two months off and have been in this one from 30-now. And I should add I had my oldest child at 17. So I guess I never gave myself any time to grow mentally and emotionally from adolescence to becoming an adult. And I had issues as a teen with serious depression and self harm. But my parents didn’t believe in mental health issues so that went untreated until I was 24. Sorry for my life history. Just trying to connect some dots
  11. I don’t think he did or does have a problem with my weight. He just realized I was really sensitive about it. And when we had an argument and he couldn’t get under my skin he resorted to that. Which got a reaction. So it’s a go to. And no, I wouldn’t want him to ask for them to only send a male. That would be embarrassing for both of us. And dramatic. Like I said, I don’t think I am anything out of a magazine but to me the woman isn’t attractive or even his type. She is a very nice woman, I did meet her once. So I feel bad that I keep saying that. So I’m not threatened by her appearance. I have realized with everyone’s advice it is deeper than that. It’s regarding my relationship issues. But I will say the two relationships I had before didn’t help and I brought all of that baggage with me. Without working on it 😞
  12. Yeah I’m seeing that the issue is deeper. He didn’t lose his job, nobody talks to their ex except about kid stuff.Covid didn’t have an impact on it. I think we rushed into it. Had the honeymoon phase. I moved in with him 6 months later, (we have been together for 3.5 years). That’s when things changed. It’s his house, I get told to leave if he’s mad. I can’t move furniture around or buy it. I collect things, most are kept in a trunk because he doesn’t like the stuff I collect. Except I have a 4 tier shelf to display some stuff. Point is, he basically has an issue with who I am as a person which I didn’t realize somehow until I dug deep and reflected. I don’t do anything right, my accomplishments mean nothing to him. I’m not gonna keep going because I could go on for days. I guess I could answer your question about when it changed and why we stopped talking but I’d literally have to write a book
  13. I mean I guess I always knew we sucked at communicating and that he acts disrespectful when he’s mad. I guess I am stupid and didn’t realize how bad the lack of communication and disrespect was. And how it all undermines everything in this “relationship”
  14. You at least need to tell your wife what you have been doing and see what she wants to do from there. Maybe she won’t want to fix it and then you won’t have to choose one or the other. It should be her decision, not yours. I am not a relationship expert nor am I very successful in them. But I do know sneaking behind her back and cheating wasn’t the way to fix the issues. After 33 years it’s crazy that a dry spell of sex made you re-connect with a high school love 😞
  15. Yes I agree with you. I think I deal with it because I do have low self esteem. There are positives to being with him. But I guess he really doesn’t respect me 😞 I also know that I am a handful. I do talk to a psychiatrist monthly and am trying to find a therapist. It’s just hard where I live because they book so far out. I said in the other comment that I’m not on meds but I meant for physical health issues. I do take meds for anxiety and depression. My marriage before I met my bf was 7 years of dOmestic violence. Extremely violent. Idk why I didn’t leave then except I was a housewife and didn’t have a license or a job. So I felt limited. I couldn’t live with my parents because they were alcoholics back then. So I felt stuck. I don’t want pity and I wish I had been smart enough to leave back then. I guess I feel like the disrespect now isn’t as bad as the physical abuse because it doesn’t break bones or leave scars. But I suppose it’s the same. And it is like an obsession. I actually appreciate you using that word. It’s part of my anxiety. I obsess over things I can’t control and how I think they will play out.
  16. Yes unrelated. It’s like I could be right about something and for some reason that gets thrown in. And no no health reasons. I am on no meds, no health issues besides anxiety and depression. Which my depression is a little due to my weight. I’m not obese. To be at a healthy BMI I should probably lose 30 lbs. I know still not a great weight but nothing I couldn’t lose if I gave more effort to it. I just have limited time for exercise and I have three kids so planning separate meals is daunting. and I think he does like me for how I look. He compliments me most of the time and always tells me I’m not fat when I say it. Except sometImes when we argue. So idk. It’s obviously confusing to hear two different assessments of me from him. I do know people say things out of anger. I have. But I have never ever commented on his appearance
  17. I agree with you about my confidence issue and the lack of respect. He will say things about my weight. I haven’t been comfortable with my weight for like 15 years but I wasn’t depressed by it. However I switched jobs two years ago to a completely sedentary job with clients who send us food and goodies all of the time. Plus I didn’t get my license until 3.5 years ago (I was 29) so I was walking everywhere. Once I stopped walking and began driving I gained a little and then the new job kicked it into over drive. I have been able to lose a chunk of it but not close to where I would like to be. So anyway, he knows I’m sensitive about that. When we are not arguing he will say it’s just because he is mad and doesn’t really feel that way but I can’t just forget he says it
  18. I 100% realize pouting is immature and unattractive lol. Nobody wants to pout. And I’m pretty sure my post included the fact that I need to grow up. Anyway, I do have my own insecurities. Such as my weight, getting older, etc. and my relationship is definitely lacking in many areas. One being that when we do have disagreements my boyfriend has taken digs at my appearance. I am not blaming him because I was insecure before I met him. It just hasn’t helped the situation
  19. I don’t think so unless they are doing it in 30 seconds, in the driveway and we live on a busy road lol. I’m not gonna be rude and judge her but she’s not very attractive. I mean that could be my opinion and could be completely Wrong. Anyway, I’m aware Of how crazy I sound. But I can’t just shut off my feelings. I’ve tried. Actually since I have been with him he worked with one older lady, and no I didn’t care about her. And now there are no women there. So to be fair, I can’t answer that really because it hasn’t been an issue
  20. Thank you! I appreciate your advice. They aren’t friends. He doesn’t know her. And it’s basically just a hey, here, thanks convo. Like I said, less than a minute. I’ve tried talking to him, we don’t communicate well together. I have a lot of anxiety along with my insecurities. So anytime I approach him with a topic, in a calm way, he doesn’t even try to understand and just says it’s because I’m insecure and it’s not his issue. Which I agree my insecurities aren’t his issue, but it would be nice to explain my feelings without being completely dismissed
  21. So my boyfriend orders from a local dispensary . Anyway, at first a couple random guys delivered and it worked out for him. He likes the place so of course he keeps ordering. The last 7 times it has been a woman, the same woman. She’s not really attractive in my opinion. But for some reason it bugs me. Like makes me very insecure. I don’t know if it’s just because she’s the opposite sex or the fact that he doesn’t plan ahead so has to order from this place multiple times a week which gets the wheels turning. He doesn’t communicate with her for the order and when she delivers he is out there for a minute tops. He has even asked me to go out and get it. I feel like I could be overreacting but I mentioned it to some of my friends and they said it would kind of bother them too. And every-time he orders my whole attitude changes and I get pouty. (I know grow up, but it is what it is). I guess the difference with food delivery or whatever is that it’s rarely the same people delivering. For some reason, the fact that this girl is pretty much the regular delivery person makes me feel like they will form some type of “relationship”. I do want opinions and advice. But you don’t have to tell me I’m insecure because I already know that much.
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