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  1. I’ve heard this argument before from many couples.
  2. I don’t think you’re overreacting or being unreasonable at all to expect a little more notice when friends are coming over that you’re going to be guilted into entertaining. It makes sense that you are out of the house all day and probably dealing with a frustrating commute, and want to come home to relax. There definitely is an adjustment when moving in with someone. The only thing I could say is try to have a diplomatic discussion about this. I would start by letting her know how it really makes you feel and provide her some reassurance that this can be compromised on and worked out peacefully.
  3. Unfortunately any advice that you give me After the last post will not be taken into consideration since you called us filthy hoarders. Your post was incredibly insulting. You think you know two people based off one post and automatically assume that we’re living in filth and *** cluttered up to the ceiling. You couldn’t be more wrong. Keep posting if you like but I’m disregarding your posts.
  4. I don’t necessarily know if this is a dealbreaker. That’s definitely something I would have to seriously consider and be the last resort. It does eats away at me especially when I end up having nightmares of drinking bleach. I came from a really neurotic mother who cleaned all the time and would literally inspect my cleaning when she asked me to do things. It’s not surprising to me that I’m similar to that. I can’t stand seeing a messy room. It just makes me feel depressed. But like I said, I’m not perfect either. And I don’t know if that’s because I picked up some of his habits by being with him for this long or general depression. I’ve been through a lot over the last four years and I don’t think I’ve fully come out of all of those issues. It’s definitely something I want to work on when I’m able to see a therapist. At the same time I don’t want to be a nag or mother him or make him feel like I’m talking down to him. He has told me that he doesn’t like when people talk down to him. It’s not just a cleaning. It’s also procrastination. I have to keep asking him to do things. I shouldn’t have to. As a 34-year-old adult, he should clean up after himself. I understand what Saikiiadou said. Maybe he doesn’t see the mess the same way I do. I feel like when I do remind him I get the “I will do it.” Sometimes I ignore it and sometimes I say OK but when because I’ve brought this up now like four or five times and it’s not done. What do I do with that? Am I supposed to just do it myself? Again this is where we come from different backgrounds and I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say or how to handle it. I could definitely try the chore route.
  5. Our house isn’t a mess because I clean. So if emergency repairs were needed, they would come to a clean house because I clean it. I did say that in my original post. So your answer is to just give up and leave the relationship without trying to work things out? Why wouldn’t I try every avenue offered to fix this? I didn’t say that I stopped loving him or that I WANT to leave. I was asking for suggestions on how to approach this and fix it for good. Also, we’re not living in caked on filth. Jeez. No bugs crawling around everywhere or rats building nests in the walls. I do the cleaning and did most of it when I was working. It’s not right or fair that I have to do most of it so I need help with approaching this topic.
  6. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over three years. We both moved into a rental house in an new state together for almost 11 months now. We’ve had issues but we’re doing better now. Maybe not 100% better or I feel like I wouldn’t be on here. This has been brought up before in our relationship. My boyfriend is a mess. It doesn’t seem to phase him to live in a mess. I’m not working right now, but I’m diligently looking for work and on unemployment while I do so. I’m hoping to find employment soon. So, I clean. Maybe not the bathroom as often as I should but everywhere else. I’m not perfect either. I will leave a mess for days. He won’t offer to help. Even before, when I was working. I will say that he did help with the dishes and taking out the trash. He replaces the toilet paper role. He’ll vacuum if I ask or if I’ve asked more than a few times, he’ll help with other things. Not always. He never cleans the bathroom. His office/man cave is a mess. Sometimes I have to ask him clean up after himself 10x or for days until he or I ends up doing it. He once acknowledged that he knows he’s messy and apologized that I have to live this way. I’m starting to worry. I had a dream where I was cleaning the bathroom floor and I had a nervous breakdown and drank the cleaner. I know it’s not that bad in real life but we’ve approached this subject many times and still no real change in him. I walk around and see a mess and clean after I can’t look at it anymore. He does not. i didn’t use to be like this. I cleaned my apartment and my house. Sure I would leave dishes in the sink from time to time but I’d eventually clean them. I loved seeing my home clean. It felt less cluttered in my head when it was clean. How do I get through to him about this?
  7. Wait a second, I never said that I go on and on about my problems with my ex. Where are you getting that from?! Also we’ve friends for almost 4 years with a fling in between those years for a month! Our conversations are light and about our mutual interests. I never talk about my relationship issues with him. And no, he would not worry if I went home for a visit because I’m a not a cheater! You did a lot of assuming in your post here and frankly, it’s insulting because you think you know everything when you don’t know anything.
  8. Well I can’t afford therapy to work on that right now so like everything else in my life, it goes on the back burner.
  9. He quit because he did not like it. When my mom and cousin suggested he stop working until they paid him, he lead me to believe that he had been emailing them all along and just calling out daily, but he had just stopped going in without emailing anyone and then finally after the truth came out, he emailed them and formally quit.
  10. He mentioned to me 2 months ago that the company didn’t pay him on his pay day. I said okay, maybe there was a mistake…A few days passed and he still hadn’t been paid. So for almost two to three weeks I was on a rampage…telling him to contact HR and looking through our state’s employment laws with pay and I even contacted a lawyer for advice. I told my mom and cousin. They’re suggestion was that he stop working until they pay him. He took that advice and stop working but he technically still have a job there. Eventually he just quit. After a while I asked why no one from his job wasn’t responding. Then I asked how much he was owed and he said not a lot. I said what’s the amount? He made it sound like it was nothing. I figured out on my own that something was not right and I asked him if he was lying. He said yes. He said he never emailed anyone and they didn’t owe him much; maybe $50 or less. I was very angry and upset and at that moment, reconsidering our relationship. He opened up about what happened and said that he was afraid to be honest because of past relationships. That was his reason for lying. His ex girlfriend would get mad at him no matter what, so he became afraid to be open and honest about bad situations. I did not let this go and I got really mad and I told him how it made me feel and that he f*cked up. I told my cousin everything and she said she understood and said that I’m rightfully angry and told me about how her husband broke her trust a few times. She kind of left it up to me to decide what to do. I chose to forgive him.
  11. I believe I said I did in the beginning, but yes I have a full time job and so does he now. Are people really so surprised that we have no savings. Do you want my personal history?? In 2019 I lost my full time job due to the pandemic and blew through the little savings I had for bills. He was working low paying remote jobs and could only afford so much. In 2020, we saved together to get a place in a new state. We got furniture. We bought first time groceries. We were left with almost nothing in savings. Then he quit his job and was unemployed for almost 2 months. I had previous financial issues due to divorce, so no, my finances were not in the best shape. They are better now as for a long time I was able to pay my bills on time…before he lost his job. Since we share bills - Internet, Rent, Utilities, Food, Cell Phone Bill (Yes, we have a shared account) and he lost his job, the responsibility fell on me. I have bills of my own and cannot afford all of these together so we became late on some things. No one needs to drill into me that I need to get my finances in order. I’ve known this for a while! I just got a new job where the pay is more than I’ve ever made and now I can afford everything and still have left over to save. As for those who think I should leave him or not forgive him for lying, I’m sorry to disagree, but I trust him not to do it again. Maybe I’m a fool or blind or making excuses, but it’s my choice. If it happens again, I’ll deal with the consequences. I’ll make sure I’m able to be on my own if it comes to it. As for my ex, I’m an adult and I can see what he’s doing. I’m not blind to that. I have internal issues that I need to deal with when it comes to letting things or people go. When I can afford therapy, I will do that. My boyfriend and I have talked openly about this. He gets where my head is on this situation and stands by me. At the same time, none of you know me or my ex or my boyfriend. You only know what you would do based off of only knowing yourself and the people in your life. I appreciate the advice and I’ll consider it. Thanks
  12. Also, I brought up the passive aggressive joking and he agreed not to do it anymore. He also agreed to be honest with me if he ever does have an issue with us talking.
  13. Good to know. I also mentioned that I’m working on being financially independent.
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