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GageCh

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  1. Wait a second, I never said that I go on and on about my problems with my ex. Where are you getting that from?! Also we’ve friends for almost 4 years with a fling in between those years for a month! Our conversations are light and about our mutual interests. I never talk about my relationship issues with him. And no, he would not worry if I went home for a visit because I’m a not a cheater! You did a lot of assuming in your post here and frankly, it’s insulting because you think you know everything when you don’t know anything.
  2. Well I can’t afford therapy to work on that right now so like everything else in my life, it goes on the back burner.
  3. He quit because he did not like it. When my mom and cousin suggested he stop working until they paid him, he lead me to believe that he had been emailing them all along and just calling out daily, but he had just stopped going in without emailing anyone and then finally after the truth came out, he emailed them and formally quit.
  4. He mentioned to me 2 months ago that the company didn’t pay him on his pay day. I said okay, maybe there was a mistake…A few days passed and he still hadn’t been paid. So for almost two to three weeks I was on a rampage…telling him to contact HR and looking through our state’s employment laws with pay and I even contacted a lawyer for advice. I told my mom and cousin. They’re suggestion was that he stop working until they pay him. He took that advice and stop working but he technically still have a job there. Eventually he just quit. After a while I asked why no one from his job wasn’t responding. Then I asked how much he was owed and he said not a lot. I said what’s the amount? He made it sound like it was nothing. I figured out on my own that something was not right and I asked him if he was lying. He said yes. He said he never emailed anyone and they didn’t owe him much; maybe $50 or less. I was very angry and upset and at that moment, reconsidering our relationship. He opened up about what happened and said that he was afraid to be honest because of past relationships. That was his reason for lying. His ex girlfriend would get mad at him no matter what, so he became afraid to be open and honest about bad situations. I did not let this go and I got really mad and I told him how it made me feel and that he f*cked up. I told my cousin everything and she said she understood and said that I’m rightfully angry and told me about how her husband broke her trust a few times. She kind of left it up to me to decide what to do. I chose to forgive him.
  5. I believe I said I did in the beginning, but yes I have a full time job and so does he now. Are people really so surprised that we have no savings. Do you want my personal history?? In 2019 I lost my full time job due to the pandemic and blew through the little savings I had for bills. He was working low paying remote jobs and could only afford so much. In 2020, we saved together to get a place in a new state. We got furniture. We bought first time groceries. We were left with almost nothing in savings. Then he quit his job and was unemployed for almost 2 months. I had previous financial issues due to divorce, so no, my finances were not in the best shape. They are better now as for a long time I was able to pay my bills on time…before he lost his job. Since we share bills - Internet, Rent, Utilities, Food, Cell Phone Bill (Yes, we have a shared account) and he lost his job, the responsibility fell on me. I have bills of my own and cannot afford all of these together so we became late on some things. No one needs to drill into me that I need to get my finances in order. I’ve known this for a while! I just got a new job where the pay is more than I’ve ever made and now I can afford everything and still have left over to save. As for those who think I should leave him or not forgive him for lying, I’m sorry to disagree, but I trust him not to do it again. Maybe I’m a fool or blind or making excuses, but it’s my choice. If it happens again, I’ll deal with the consequences. I’ll make sure I’m able to be on my own if it comes to it. As for my ex, I’m an adult and I can see what he’s doing. I’m not blind to that. I have internal issues that I need to deal with when it comes to letting things or people go. When I can afford therapy, I will do that. My boyfriend and I have talked openly about this. He gets where my head is on this situation and stands by me. At the same time, none of you know me or my ex or my boyfriend. You only know what you would do based off of only knowing yourself and the people in your life. I appreciate the advice and I’ll consider it. Thanks
  6. Also, I brought up the passive aggressive joking and he agreed not to do it anymore. He also agreed to be honest with me if he ever does have an issue with us talking.
  7. Good to know. I also mentioned that I’m working on being financially independent.
  8. Yes, he knows we had sex. Despite the recent lying from him, we are normally 100% open about everything. He knows everything about that previous guy. Every detail. Just like I know every detail about his previous ex’s. He also talks with ex’s because we both agreed it’s okay to be friends with them. Neither of us have an issue with it.
  9. Well I’m not right now, but I’m working on that. You may not agree with my actions but I’m allowed to do what I feel is best and if I decide to change the course, I am entitled to. I learned from this mistake and I’ll make sure I am financially independent.
  10. You’re right. It is rationalizing. I’m choosing to believe him. I truly believe that when he said he didn’t ever want to lose me so he wouldn’t screw up again. I set the expectations that if he did, it was over. It wouldn’t be fair to me if I allowed someone to lie to me and put me in this difficult situation again. Believe me, I am thinking of myself first now. I wasn’t really saving my money for myself or focusing on the future and then where would I be if we did break up? No money to get my own place or anything. So I decided to start saving for emergencies.
  11. We talked today about it again. I pressed on the subject again. He told me he wasn’t worried about me cheating or leaving him for my ex. He’s not mad that I talk to them as long as it’s kept platonic, which it is. I did bring up the “what if” thoughts and he understood why I felt that way and I explained that just because I have those thoughts does not mean I’m planning to leave or planning to cheat. It’s something I need to work on and he accepted that. That’s where we are now.
  12. I want to move on from it. I do love him. I know it’s huge. We’ve had many discussions about what happened. He’s a good person and he made a mistake; a huge one, but still a mistake. He knows how I feel about it. I went through hell with my ex husband and I lived that for 12 years. The one thing I made clear was that I wouldn’t do that again with anyone. If he fixes his mistake and never does it again, then I can learn to forgive him.
  13. This is loaded question. I don't talk to him everyday. We talk maybe once or twice a month. He's in my home town. I don't know. Maybe it's that he's home. I moved about a month into our fling and maybe deep down I feel like we never got a chance to be anything. I don't have feelings for him like love, but it's sort of always in the back of my mind that we never got a chance. With that being said, I do love my boyfriend and I see how in so many ways, he's good for me. But I am scared that he's going to hurt me and it's not going to work out because I've had issues with that before. I was married for 12 years and that didn't end well. I was in an abusive relationship and because of that I have trust issues. If any of that makes sense.
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