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Everything posted by V1111

  1. Dear R, I miss us… I was happy… really happy… I was always happy with you…. Super happy…. I thought you were happy too….!!! Super happy with me… I fight when i was upset with you. I cry when hurt…. Had this ugly habit of slapping when I was super angry or anxious… I thought you knew only you could calm me down.. only you ghap. Only you. That’s what you do to people you love ghap… apart from slapping thing. You don’t stay silent to people you love ghap… if they don’t understand you make them understand ghap.. if you find them annoying … you tell them love… but you don’t stay silent and go to someone else ***ing about them ghap.. You are doing this intentionally… while knowing this is hurting me too I’m much.. I was wrong ghap…. Including when I thought we are our one and only…..!!!!! I hate you ghap… for finding your trust somewhere else without giving me a genuine chance one more last time… while I though I was making things ok.
  2. My Dear R, How much I cared for you… how much I cared that you don’t eat this *** biscuits… how much efforts I made to feed your stupid belly right….. how much I though about how to make you more comfortable and healthy…. I wanted you to live so so long and healthy… I was concerned about your health after 50. I’m not concerned about mine. still my love, all you do is care for somebody else. Why was I not enough? Was it the cheating ? Those boys are nowhere in my life … they weren’t! You never loved me 😢 so when you got busy… you stopped being my bestfriend…. I was there …. Always waiting for you… and when I realising that you won’t come… I talked with others to keep my sanity. I just talked…….. ( wrong , so wrong but just chatted) you are giving a piece of your heart to someone else….. it’s ok love. I can’t do anything in this… I will accept this… and she doesn’t matter love… you and your feelings towards me matters. It’s ok love…. But I promise my love…. One day…. Sooner or later…. I will stop loving you…. I will remove you from my heart… I hope I can find my peace then… Loving you was so hurtful….. over the years…..! I hate myself for loving you… I hate myself for not being practical. I will stop my obsession for you one day.. and then … I won’t care who you talk to or what! I won’t care you come home or not…
  3. I am in love with my husband since more than a decade now. There were many issues in this journey. Many things I couldn’t understand, many things he couldn’t. I never realised that we were just wrong people sticked to each other. We always had communication and trust issues. I never knew his mind… I still don’t know. We both saw this relationship in completely different light. I had troubled childhood … I couldn’t get over it ( still not ) and as a result i am extremely insecure and attention seeker ( there, I said it). I have slapped my husband over this years many times… the sweet guy always understood. I could never control my anger, that combined with my insecurities ruined my relationship. As a result of all this combined … despite of loving him so so much, I ended up cheating on him…. It first started as him ignoring me for few things and then my need of feel love… I started talking with guys on a dating app… in the starting I sent him ss by thinking he will realise how badly I need some communication…. But obv world doesn’t work the way I think… he said do whatever you want and one time made me delete the app ( I was happiest that day believe or not). We were getting married but after marriage… joint family and his struggling business took away the spark of our relationship from the first month… after few months of staying alone.. I again started chatting with guys over the app and I had sext with few of them… with one guy I came in virtual relationship… ( i regret this … ). My husband caught me and was devastated… that was the first time in long time I actually realised that He loves me… ( we had that level of communication gap). Finally after giving relationship another chance we spent two years abroad … still there… I was happy i could see the love is lost from his side but I loved him…. He told me he doesn’t have feelings and is not emotional… Just now before a month… he started talking to a girl and I read their chat… turned out he couldn’t love me after my cheating ( i understand 😞) and he told that girl that he knows he don’t love me .. is getting super close with this girl who is now his bestfriend… I am super jealous of this girl but more than jealous I am heartbroken…. I loved him even when I was cheating…. I was wrong … but he gave me chance …. and now he is spending all the time with that girl like i wanted him to spend with me… he is giving all his emotions to her … all his time , energy to her …. I feel heartbroken but I know I have caused this….. he tells me that he still wants to try and loves me… but I read their chat and he told the girl that he wants to stay with me for visa.. ( that’s his only good career/financial option)! They talk all the time… makes fun of me when I get jealous. I deserve this… I cheated on him … but this is too much to bear provided I love him so much…. I can’t see my future without him… please tell me what to do? please talk to me… I feel so so alone…
  4. Dear R, As you say my everything… you want to keep marriage going on without love so that you get assurance of Visa? Ok. You want like 6 months to decide whether you love me or not ? Does it matter ? What’s gonna change if you love me? Are you gonna stop making me jealous ? No. Are you gonna trust me and be emotional for me again? No. Then how will it matter? I have understood it very hard way my love, falling in love is easy… too easy…. But keeping that love alive, staying in love with that person requires work my everything. Communication is the key to every relationship my love… I told you 1000 times my love but you never wanted to communicate with me. I am the reason .. so not blaming love. I give up on love… I don’t think love is in my luck. So I will wait for awhile for you.. again lol but for once and first time without making stupid mistakes to avoid this pain.. I already know this pain isn’t worth it. My brain is giving me 100 options to ease the pain.. and I always fell into it.. I always loved you .. but when you were figuring out … I went to others… I am not doing that this time. I am here. Waiting for you. For a while only though. If you can, love me again……. From all your heart If possible. If not, I will find my own way to deal with this. But will not cheat on you my everything. You told me that you will be in the boat but I will go away… so I am staying in the boat.. even when I have no hope that this boat is gonna survive.. So I am here taking this pain that you don’t understand, acting mahan because I have no other option left… I will learn to live without love! Lots of love ghap, The girl who loves you.
  5. Dear R, Probably we were never meant to be together… or probably I am no special… or probably love luck ain’t on my side… How much I loved you… how much I realise love now…. How much I realise where I ***ed up and where you did… I wish we could sort our differences.. I wish I could communicate better… I wish so many things but I can’t make it happen a single one… So, I am trying to let go… trying to be the girl you wanted since our marriage.. the alone girl… whom you told live alone!!! I try to be strongest when you are home.. when I see you chat with your current bestfriend! I am trying to let go the love i hold too hard for you… I don’t like anything… I wonder what you had for breakfast.. why didn’t you took the milk ? Did you buy the fruit for office ? How was the chilli panner? Did you warm it? Did you enjoy it ? I don’t ask you….I wont. Ever. I eat too… I take medicines which requires me to! But I don’t enjoy it… I enjoy the coffees though! I am again addicted to it… can’t let it go this time because I need coffee.. gotta have something to distract me to let you go right? I awake… I get nightmares.. I can’t sleep.. I don’t like to sleep… sleep gives me nightmares! I am sorry.. I realise how you must have felt when I did even worst. But what you are doing is going to be permanent. Please leave me… free me from this love .. you finally have someone you trust and can love. So let me go. I love you.. I don’t have strength to leave you.. please do it for both me and your current bestfriend.
  6. Hi… Do you want to talk to me in person ( chat ) ? I ( 29 female ) am recently going through the same phase… my decade long relationships and 3 year marriage is coming to end. This is first time I am using this platform… it will be helpful if I talk to someone ….
  7. Dear R, I probably wasn’t the best girlfriend… but I was the girl who loved you her best. Why wasn’t I your angle ? Why you never cared for me the way you did for your ex and current bestfriend? Why I was subjected to your ego? I cheated on you so I deserve this. But why were you emotionally unavailable? What was my mistake if your ex didn’t love you or your parents didn’t care much or your new business was failing??? Why couldn’t you even appreciate when I supported you the best way I can? Why couldn’t you let me know that you value me ? Why treat me like trash ? I still couldn’t leave you… so I decided to talk with other boys so I don’t feel like trash. I told you the next minute that I’m doing this help me and treat me better but you chose that time to show your worst attitude. It was a bad phase. We both made mistakes … I made the bigger one. why couldn’t you post one picture of ours that says that you love me? I was insecure and wanted to show the world that I mean something to you…. World called me trash I wanted to show them that I was your treasure. I know you don’t like posting pictures but one picture could hurt ?????? You didn’t went down on knees because your ex did something ? Why was I suffering? Why were we not even sleeping in same room after marriage ? Why you always made me believe that you don’t care? I cheated on you and nothing can justify that. Please leave me … I love you and I don’t have strength to leave you… please leave me…
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