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kittykittybang

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  1. I literally don't even know how to categorize this ***ed up story. It's a long one so buckle up ***es and enjoy the ride! And don't be afraid to tell me your honest opinions, trust me.. you cant hurt my feeling more than they've been hurt this past year and a half! Which is roughly the time line I stupidly fell in love and made some not so wise decisions! The first being that I thought I had a best friend! We'll call her Jenna. I met Jenna at work. She was newly hired on and she never shut the *** up about her fiance at the time/ her husband now. She'd boast about how amazing he'd treat her. Myself being single at the time was genuinely wanting to settle down and find love as well! Jenna being the great friend she was, decided to set me up with her fiance's brother! I soon was blind folded and face planted deeply in love. To my surprise, I typically don't fall easily. So here's where it gets a little rock, try to keep up and I'll try to keep it short and simple. As best as I can anyways.. We'll call my night in shining armor Chance. Which I've had to give him multiple so this is fitting. When I met Chance he told me that we was in the middle of a nasty divorce. Which understandable, I too Have picked a few bad apples and I also tend to throw around one too many benefit of the doubts. Which later in time to my surprise he in fact was not in the middle of a nasty divorce. A nasty break up but he didn't legally enter an active divorce until 3 months into our relationship. Didn't consider how I would feel grimey after that even if they were already at the end of their "marriage." It also didn't particularly feel good that the man I had fallen for was capable of lying to me about/involving another woman. But don't paint Chance as a bad guy, there's still more to the story that you don't understand. Given his financial situation those legal actions were pricey for his banking account. Not to mention he got stuck paying for spousal support at least until July of this year. I could honestly see how that would terrify anyone into a white lie here and a white lie there. Especially when you think that you've found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I have no doubt in mind he really does love me. This man wakes up at 5am most mornings to do some house work so I don't have to worry about much. He never leaves without kissing me goodbye, He speaks respectfully to me in the midst of arguments. There are a lot of actions that he takes to check up on me and make me feel loved. But I'm not sure if its really ever going to help me to trust him again. I don't think you can ever really give someone their security blanket back once its been ripped away... Are you ready for the ***ed up part? We're gonna be parents! which is great don't get be wrong but he also wasn't honest up front about that either. Accepting this has been very hard for me. I told him I never wanted kids. I had a very traumatic childhood that influenced my thoughts on not ever wanting kids in this life time. As opposed to him, He didn't grow up in a broken family and he's very much close to his family. Well.. you remember Jenna? used to be my best friend but ended up actually becoming family.. Well she has the victim mentality. And even though she was the one to introduce me to Chance she was also the one making me feel like I was never going to be part of the family. Manipulating me and everybody else to always feel sorry for her, starting fights in my relationship, feeling like it was her God given right to know every detail of our relationship since she was thew one who set us up. Yeah! That girl! Well guess who couldn't let me enjoy this moment of entering motherhood! As soon as we told everyone that Chance and I happen to be pregnant, Guess who got pregnant the second her next ovulation came a midst. Not only am I not close to Jenna anymore but I've had my whole pregnancy compared to hers and because were both now a "family" I'm expected to keep my pretty little mouth shut and to not have feelings. Do you know how hard it is to be Questioning your own abilities as a mother, feeling like you've thrown away your whole future, being isolated and having no friends or family of my own, feeling like you're always put on the back burner, and feeling like you cant even trust the man you're having a baby with?? Am I wrong to feel like his family might be too much for me? Is it wrong of me to want out? I need to know if I am wrong or just overwhelmed and need a break. It feels like I have been overwhelmed this whole relationship. I don't know what to do.. I have no job and I'd have to start all over again. I just feel like mentally I won't make it another day..
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