Hi to everyone reading this post! I really need some advice with this. I have been friends with this guy for over 8 years now since we were in highschool and we all were 14. We know his girlfriend quite well and she became a part of our group since he has been with her for over 4 years now and she has been really opening up to us for over a year because she was shy before. I became good friends with her since her and me have alot in common.
It began like small fights they had in our discord voice chat. Little arguments about stupid stuff one person said and the other person took it the wrong way. He would stay mad for a bit but not long and the rest of our friend group and me wouldn't say much about it. But then the arguments started to be like fights. He got really passive agressive with her while she would not be doing anything wrong. For example: they would be playing a game and she would laugh about him dying or something and he would get mad and start degrading her. That's when she started sending me DMs. I got alot of DMs of her asking for help because he was getting mad again. 2 months ago she send me a message to ask if I could come into the voice chat because he was so mad and was screaming at her, so I did and when I came in the call the just instantly shut up and left the call. I got so many DMs after that with her showing their text messages, it felt so wrong that she was showing me all these private messages and I of course just wanted to help her but I felt like I wasn't supposed to read those. She said she needed someone to talk to and vent because she had nobody else and I know how that feels so I did not want to abandon her just like that, she had become a very good friend of me.
One day their fight went so far that I just stepped in, I know not the smartest thing. She was crying and telling me she was scared and I got so mad at him for doing that to her that I confronted him. My boyfriend (20M) was with me, he is a part of our friend group too so he knows, but let me tell you, my boyfriend is straight up with people and just tells his honest feeling and thoughts to them, and when he doesn't like something he will just say it. Back to the confrontation, we told him that we as his friends just wanted to confront him in a normal way and if he and his girlfriend were fighting they should take it elsewhere or he should just go calm down if he was gonna get mad anyway and not ruin the vibes we have in our voice chat. But our friend did not take it well. He went to his girlfriend and started blaming her for everything we tried to reason with him again but it ended with them breaking up and him stepping out of our friendgroup. Then he started to say he was going to kill himself because nobody loved him. So all of us started sending him messages to tell him we care about him and we just want him to get some help with himself, we didn't do it out of hate but just to make him realise something. He told us he was gonna try his best.
3 days went by and then he send my boyfriend a message that he finally knew what was wrong and he said his behaviour was like that because my boyfriend and him did not have a good friendship anymore. So he just said him and my boyfriend should talk it out. This was really weird, my boyfriend did get kinda mad at him when we were doing the confrontation but he apologized after that. Also he was back together with his girlfriend and she was denying that she ever asked for help and was saying that she wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore. And the worst was she wasn't allowed to send me Dms anymore. I understood why, my friend was obviously hurt that she send their private messages but no contact? really? But we were so tired of all the fighting so we stupidly forgave him and he came back to our group. Now he had told us he was going to get better and went to therapy. But then he came into a depression. He was talking with us about it every day and he said he just felt really depressed and he didn't know why. We talked with him about it and just tried to support him best we could and he kept going to therapy. He seemed better after some days but he was at it again with his girlfriend. It wasn't as bad as before and she started to message me their Dms again because she has nobody else but him, she asked for help again twice. I thought it wasn't gonna get worse but I was wrong.
Some days ago it got worse, so my friend is in another group with friends of him he has known for over a year. It's a group were they make fun of older people or they laugh at how they struggle to post on Facebook, the old people making posts about how they are fans of singers or actors,etc.. and mind you those older people are disabled most of the time, some of them have severe autism which is not really a laughing matter. They see laughing with those old people as wholesome fun but it's mostly cringe and a waste of time. Today our group and me were laughing about that group he is in and laughing about how cringe it is that they laugh with people. He was laughing with us. We have laughed about this group before so this was not something new. But when he left the call *** went down. He send a message to his girlfriend extremely mad that she was laughing with us and that he was dissapointed in all of us. Then he proceeded to get jealous that his girlfriend laughed with a joke MY boyfriend made. And then he blamed my boyfriend for making everyone laugh about his weird group. He was saying my boyfriend was laughing at his other friends and trying to shame them for their looks, which didn't happen, he only made a joke about someones name. So then he just told his girlfriend he wants to choke my boyfriend because he was so mad and that the people in that other group have done more for him than we ever did in 8 years. When I saw that I was hurt. I know that it's not true. We have been there for him since he was 14. So I couldn't believe he would ever say something like that. Not even that he was saying psycho stuff about my boyfriend and getting jealous for no reason. I felt very uncomfortable by that. He send my boyfriend a message about how dissapointed he is in him and that he should never laugh with his friendgroup. Meanwhile he does the same thing but with older people? His girlfriend was crying again and went to bed because she didn't know what to do anymore all she said was that she is sick of it.
Now what he did next is, he told those people he knows from that group everything that happened but twisted the story to make him look better and my boyfriend like a total lunatic. He even slandered his girlfriend to them and send her the messages those people were saying about us and her. His girlfriend told me everything of course but she was having an extreme panick attack that night and did not sleep. Now he is trying to bad talk about all of us but especially about my boyfriend. What do we do? How do we proceed futher? How can I help my friend (his girlfriend) the best in this situation? I want to get her out of this relationship and I want to tell my friend he went too far but I dont know how to do this.