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Kiryuin

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  1. I do not want her back. Cheating is a boundary for me & she crossed that line. She was too much of a coward to give me closure properly so I'd like to think I succeeded in obtaining it myself. Knowing the true reason makes me feel so much better.
  2. I have an update. I went on her Instagram profile last Thursday & clicked on the last photo she posted, which was on 3 April. I noticed a comment, which said 'My girl 🌹🌹' & it was from a man. I immediately sent the guy a follow request & asked him how he knew my ex. After some back & forth of him me asking him how he was related to my ex & his reluctance to tell me, I then told him who I was. He was trying to act cool by telling me he doesn't care several times & that I should talk to my ex, but deep down I knew he was linked to my ex in some romantic level as he was ge
  3. At times I do feel disappointed with her. I'm trying to convince myself that she took the easy way out by giving up on me and that I should not accept anything less than 100% from someone who supposedly loved me. All I wanted to do was hear her voice more often and with restrictions easing up, wanted to see her. Absolutely no mistake in that, these are natural wants & needs in a relationship. I believe I can feel somewhat proud that I did all my best and I did not hurt or harm her in any way. In the end I still have myself and I can now focus on myself and improve myself. I guess I j
  4. I have very low self-esteem and no matter the situation and no matter how right I might be in some situations, I always feel guilt and remorse. I've messed up pretty much everything in my life. Finding her & giving her my heart gave me purpose. No matter what hardship I faced, having her in my life made everything better. I am aware that I'm destroying myself mentally by constantly making up different scenarios, asking myself if I could have approached & handled things differently. I hate that I constantly over think and I'm so sorry about all of this coming across as a sob-story.
  5. Yep.. Even during our last call, the call to break things off, she barely said anything. All she said is that she doesn't feel the same anymore & when I asked if she had any final words, she said she sucks & she's sorry. This is after I heaped praises on her. Another thing is while I was offering my final words, I was telling her how much of a wonderful person she was & that the next person she would be with is going to be the luckiest man in the world. This is seriously burning me because I just wish it would be me.
  6. We texted everyday. There never was an issue texting right until the last month or two. Yeah I don't think she hates me & I can't bring myself to hating her. After the last text asking for another chance in an attempt to try fixing things I feel much better, even if she didn't reply. Her birthday is a month away so I'm just going to text her a simple 'happy birthday' & with the expectation of no reply. Even though I've seen suggestions saying a birthday message would not help, I feel like I want to and it would eat at me if I didn't. Funny enough during the first few months o
  7. I'm afraid it may be so. I think I improved in terms of calling her the past few months but it looks like it was too late at that point. Most of the planning was done by me. Before COVID-19 I'd meet her every Thursday at her workplace when she was finishing up with work. At least once a month she would come to my workplace (family owned) and wait there for me for at least 5 hours till I finished and we would head to mine for her to stay over. I live with my family so she has met my family and my family loved her. I definitely believe & felt it was serious because we have talked about
  8. She never had too much of an issue with it as she continued to call me as often as every other day, even when I'd tell her I was going out with friends. During our 3 years together she didn't complain much about it as she knew that I get nervous talking on the phone but I have absolutely no issues in person. I've made more of an attempt to call her this year but more than half of the time she wouldn't return my call. Now that I think of it, most of the times I'd be calling her when we had small arguments and she would pick up at times, except for the past month she wouldn't return any call.
  9. We are both 27. Honestly her playing the game isn't even an issue. It just felt a little annoying that she would start a new game without taking a moment to reply at times. But for the past few months she has been playing it more often and replying to me an hour or two later sometimes. Also for the past month or so I've seen her online on WhatsApp & she wouldn't read/reply to messages I sent her an hour or two ago.
  10. It's been 3 days since my ex said she lost feelings for me and I'm struggling immensely. I was dating her for 3 years & they were the best days of my life. She was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. She always said to me that I would be the one to leave her but she was the one who ended up cutting things off. But ever since the UK entered another lockdown in November, I feel like things went downhill. We would meet up once a week and sometimes she would come to stay over at mines. For the first 2 years of the relationship she would always go out of her way
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