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Mary A

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  1. Thank you. I already did this. It takes some time as this is not a straight thing in the country I live. The thing is I cannot move on ans accept he changed, I am in touch with him and still hope he will become the lovely person he used to be, but he gets defensive and hurts me. I just need to learn to let it go, but I cannot because now I told him I am happy for him to come to my birthday. I just cannot think straightx he wants to me with me and says he loves me, but he expects me to agree with him on mos the things and is too busy with work and his goals.
  2. I cannot leave my ex. I mean he does not belief he is my ex because we kept in touch and considered reconcilation. After one year of LD relationship we broke up. After this he became so mean and blamed me for everything. We had frequent arguments for the last 3 months. When I explain to him what bothers me, he turns this on his side and tells what he wants and how I manipulate him. I told him I need love and more understanding, and he shows the opposite and says cannot be more warm towards me because I ignore what he says to me. I know I should let him go and just break all contacts. I have tried to break all contacts before, but only lasted 4 days. He knows I cannot let go because he promised for 8 months durinf our relationship he eants to fight for our relationship, he loves me etc. But not he expects me to be more understanding and kind, when he hurts me and make me feel like a child. He said I am illogical in my decision and I need to grow up for the simple fact that I told I need a real relationship, not part-time where he focuses so much on his work(15 hours a day and always talks about work and how good he is at his job). I feel mixed feelings, I feel like sometimes I miss the perosn he used to be and on the other side I feel resentments, frustration and hate. I feel miserable now for staying in this unhealthy situation for so long. I feel the best option will be to let him go and focus on myself, bur I have low self-esteem, depression and low family support. I am waiting for an appointment to a psychotherapist. This was the longwst and most serious relationship I have ever had. I just feel hate towards myself for being so naive and still trying to fix things. What can I do to let him go and not miss the person he used to be? I am afraid I won't find a good man. I was told so many time by relatives, man are all the same and they treat women bad, I do not know what else to believe.
  3. Thanks again for all your advice. It's true, there were some mind games between us, and he insisted that is better to have arguments and discussions at the beginning of the relationship as this will show if would last. But this was something to keep me in the relationship. Now I feel really attached to him and he became selfish. Always is about his work and his dreams. I hate that I cannot keep him out of my mind and I blame myself for it. I kept checking his social media and I have never been like that with any guy. When I wad done I was done. This was my longest relationship. I would not stayed even in this one if he did not insisted. Thats why I regret because I put feelings and energy and now I do not feel myself anymore.
  4. Thank you all for your answers. We have been together for over a year and we were engaged, but we broke up our engagement because I caught him in few lies and he knew I hate lies the most and kept doing. The first 7 months of our relationship, I have tried many times to break up with him because we are in a LDR and also we had too many differences. He insisted for us to be together and made me feel special, although I felt he overstepped some boundaries. Everything shifted when he started his own business. He became more stressful and busy, and less available to chat and prioritised work and his life. On numerous occasions I told him I would like us to chat a bit more, but he kept saying is busy and needs to work. I am really hurt now, not because of this necessary, but when we broke up (I initiated), he started blaming me of many things (indeed I made many things that I should not have done such as I compared him to other guys in our first months of being together). He told me post-break up that I need to chase him and told me a lot of hurtful things such as: I use depression as an excuse for my overreactions, I have never supported him (which is untrue), I put my curiosity first before anything and I care a lot about what I read and what others tell me. I was shocked as he never was like that before. I tried to apologise few times, but he insisted that this is manipulation and he wants facts. Now I told him I am closing my social media for some time to focus on myself, and he agreed without being worry we won't chat for some time. I am shattered and so disappointed as my family tried to tell me from the beginning he is not good for me. Now I feel insecure and I realised I miss him so much, the perosn he used to be. I play hard to get first few months and now everything shifted. I am unsure what to do as I feel also guilty for what I did wrong to himx altough I felt that many times many arguments started when he looked for a reaction.
  5. My boyfriend says things that put me down and when I tell him I am hurt, he says that he told those things to protect me from damaging myself or taking wrong decisions. For example, I an starting a stressful job soon and he told me I am not the type of person to handle stress as this will impact me. The way he said it hurted me. I told him this and he did not apologise and insisted it was necessary to tell me because he does not want me to get too nuch stress. I feel like he always understimates me. Initially when we started dating, he was very encouraging and I came to rely on him, but when I faced depression he shifted his behaviour. But I cannot fully accuse him for doing this as I became nasty to him sometimes as I caught him in few lies. I really love him and appreciate his early efforts to make the relationship work. He used to be a lovely guy, but showed some signs of control earlier on but I thought they were cute. I feel like I have no more self-esteem. I am unsure whether is because of fmhim of other difficulties in life and my mental state.
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