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Everything posted by sunshine1422

  1. 20, 17, 13, and 10 My two oldest do not have anything to do with their farther since the divorce 5 years ago. The two youngest are court ordered. Their farther has deep deep issues also. Great provider and can be a hands on dad but he has many issues within himself. If I did even ask he would use this against me. I'm so done tho with my current situation. My current partner wanted to talk at lunch or tonight and I agreed as we do have bills in each others names and he has to get the rest of his stuff. When I told him I has to get my car to my mother to pick up my daughter on lunch that it would be tonight he said never mind I should have expected you already had lunch plans with some guy already. I told to cut off whatever he has to that is in his name and get as far away from me as possible and to never reach out to me again ever.
  2. Yes you are so right, fear everyday that I cannot be enough for someone that has major issues. The things he has said to me since this has happened. I have stood my ground though and will not break this time.
  3. Yes it's always worth it to see them happy ❤️ and does help so much
  4. Thank you, I just have to continue to tell myself this. One thing I have to keep in my head is that I do NOT deserve this and that I will NOT be wasting anymore of my time on something that will never change. You are so right about never being able to pull him to my level, It opened my eyes because I know he has drug me down to his. Thanks so much for the advise
  5. Oh and he did say that it was going to be a sad day for his family today. I told him I was calling 911 to come to him if he was throwing that around I was calling because I did not want it to be on my conscious!
  6. Not afraid of him hurting me physically but he does shout and raise hie voice very loud and uses emotional abuse. Slam doors, and basically act like a child. Not that often but when something like this is going on. Maybe I am addicted to the dynamic, that's what I have gotten use to as I had blinders over my eyes thinking that because he was admitting his behaviors and getting help( which he lied about having his 2nd appt scheduled) when I said something about him saying he was getting help to fix his issues lol. He admits he is messed up in the head, tells me he just wish he could be normal. Says he does not know where his moods come from or why, he sees his self hurting me and does not understand why. Says everything is his fault and that's why is has always failed but he really was trying this time and everyone only loves him through the good and no one loves him or stays through the bad. Then after all that turns around and throws in my face how he has been helping with bills and everything but no one does anything for him. I said hell who pats me on my back for what I do? I told him how can I remain hurt everyday and smile and sit around like nothing bothers me when he is in his moods or hurting me????? Told me for 2 days he is not relationship material and I needed a new man that I can invest in and not waste anymore time on him. Then he tries to be nice again but throws in my face how I'm not the right partner for him because I wanna keep tabs on how much we spend on each other and he needs a partner to help him succeed not hold him back. I told him FU and to find a new partner then. As soon as I did he blocked me on every social media site and changed all his stuff. I had not done any of that yet after him telling me over and over to find a new partner. This man has some deep issues and will never change. He has learned how to get his way through life doing exactly what he is doing and is a pretty good master at it. He moved some of his stuff last night and will be getting the rest. I haven't had any contact with him since yesterday. Once he gets all his stuff I will be going no contact. I also feel more confident about my decision this morning and can already feel some of pressure leaving me. I'm so done being manipulated and hurt. I'm sure I will be fine for a few weeks then the depression will come but I'm going to fight my way through it as I know I have my kids to focus on and making myself better and making me happy for them. I can be miserable alone without him always being and ass and only caring for himself. Thanks for helping me realize these things and open my eyes ❤️
  7. He also thought he was cute I guess to pop two of his pills last night the Dr prescribed him right in front of me when we started fussing. Said he took and extra because he could tell he was getting snappy. Just blows my mind how people can really be like this.
  8. I'm trying to come up with a plan. I told him he is just turning all this on me. We are right in the middle of him turning it around and him blame shifting and him telling me that I'm the one that is not happy. That he could of just left when my daughter was disrespectful to him this weekend because he is tired of her disrespect but he did not and now because I can't be happy and he cant be the man I need him to be then he will just fix it and we will not have to worry about him anymore or his bull***. Told him I called about his appointment and he said I was not on the list of people to give that info to and that's why. I said that's funny I just gave them your name like I was you and he says they clearly knew you were not me and now I have a lawsuit......WOW! Says everything is always him and his fault. I'm trying to come up with a plan. I've got to let this leave my life and be done. I can't focus on work or anything else. My heart is racing I can't eat etc. I just don't want him to show out in front of kids and I do not want to deal with him packing and leaving as Im afraid he will talk me back into staying and if I'm not home when he packs he could possibly take things of mine or mess them up just to be mean.
  9. So now here is the fun part 😫 we are arguing again(last night and this morning) and he was ignoring me so I told him I just love doing this every day.... Told him I could not do this everyday, I cannot feel like this all the time. He said then if you are tired of it then find another man then. I was like excuse me, I will not bother you no more...he's come back was "you probably already have". Then he says you think I like doing this everyday also? Battling the things in his head every day and says he just wants to be normal and he don't like living with himself like this(he starts talking suicide) and hates the demons in his head. He said he will never make a good husband, farther, or family man. That I can find someone better than him. Said he is not good for me and the kids and just wants us to be happy and he will probably never be "fixed" that nothing will never fix him. I asked him if he rescheduled his 2nd appt that he missed with the therapist last Monday because I reminded him and he never said anything about it. He says yes its Monday morning and I said what time, he then says why so many questions and I say because you never said you rescheduled and I didn't know.... then says I didn't know I had to tell you!!!. So I then call and ask if he has an appointment Monday and they said no we do not have that name on the schedule next week. So I mentioned that he must of lied and he is not speaking of that no more of course. Just says he will never be fixed and always have these demons and will never be good enough for no one ever. That he just wants me happy and he will never be able to do that. I asked if we were ending things and I wanted the kids to be gone when he got his stuff because he can get loud, shout, and slam things and I don't want them to hear that. He said he would let me know and he is sorry that I am tired of things and he can't make me happy.
  10. You have such great advice dancingfool, I guess me using the cutesy words like fussing was because on another forum I used narcissist behavior as I was thinking that was exactly what was going on and a poster crawled my ars for that. Said I was throwing around diagnoses for people when I had no right to. But anyway I told him this when he started fussing and he said he tried talking to me first about it and I didn't seem to understand so then he finally got upset and vented about it and it turned into us having an argument. Of course my Mom could tell the distant feeling then. I guess when I read every ones advice and look back at this thread I just start thinking this is my side of the story and what if his side was explained would this advise still be the same? We've gotten into it before and he pointed out that my(think everyone had to be perfect and nothing makes me happy) attitude is probably what happened or made my ex husband be the way he is. But all that is again is my denial. I know I'll be fine, I know my kids do not need to learn this behavior, its not healthy for any of us. The crazy thing is I am usually head strong, I've never had any addictions, but I do see what you are saying....the withdrawal from the relationship is very depressing and boltnrun I know that my kids will help keep my mind off things, they will keep me busy and that helps when I focus all my attention on them but it's so hard trying to be strong for them at the same time when you feel like life around you is falling apart and nothing seems clear and you are depressed. I've always been the strong one, everyone has always looked at me as the strong minded and I know I can get through this but sometimes it makes it hard also to be so weak. I live in a small town and it's hard to find proper therapy, I went once for an assessment about a week or so ago and they never called back for my follow up appointment so I get discouraged. If I make appointments out of town I have to take off work and can't do that much either. Anyone have success from online counseling?
  11. Yes I know it's definitely headed in that direction for sure.
  12. Thanks so much for every ones advice. We went out of town for the weekend to my sons jr/sr at the beach where some of my family was. Hoping to get a little time away and it was such a disaster. He fussed because I was not giving him enough attention and my Mom stayed under us and she is annoying and talks way too much but she is my Mom and likes to spend time with me or us. So we spent a good bit of time ill or fussing because of that and then yesterday before heading home him and my oldest daughter get into it and we started fussing again. But I find myself still trying, still holding on, working through the issues, only for them to never go away 😞😫 I guess my main issue now is taking steps to let this relationship go. I think I am more afraid of how I will feel after everything is said and done and he is gone. When we split before I was in such a mess for months.
  13. Yes we do! We should of worked out those things instead of adding to them, now we have a lot more to work through.
  14. Thank you indea08, I have also made bad decisions in certain situations. You do evolve, grow, and learn things, I guess what is holding me on right now is he has made appointments and admits to his wrongs and is willing to get help and work on making this better. He knows he has screwed up in the past and says he is willing to do what it takes and I have to let him do that without doubting him. This is exactly what happens sometimes (was too much control, and I never understood why he was upset about the things he was upset about, so it was impossible for me to avoid his next complaint. That will push you into all kinds of toxic behavior.) I have experienced this with him.
  15. I think that's exactly what happens. When I finally get tough and have had enough and put my foot down and call him out he runs!!!
  16. I respect your advise and agree with you.
  17. Yes you are right I need to find out why I disregard my needs and expectations and why I choose men like this to begin with.
  18. I do realize this and I think that's why after the brb text and then almost 2 hours later my anxiety and emotions were every where. I should not feel like that and I should not put him through that. We have a lot of damage on top of damage that has never been resolved.
  19. I'm starting to believe the same thing as in if we are compatible. We are somewhat in different areas of our life and that makes it hard also. He says he wants a family, marriage, goals but you have to do right by those also.
  20. Yes, and I feel like I'm learning these behaviors and becoming the same.
  21. Yes it's like adding more to the fire
  22. We did have a date planned for March 27th. We also had just moved in to a new place. We were starting to fuss pretty bad again and had a lot going on so we put it off until September. We was actually getting excited about it and planning stuff and when we started not getting along so well again I thought it was for the best as I am scared to remarry. I was divorced almost 6 years ago and told myself I wouldn't do it again. My fiance has been married twice. I know that we were split up when he was dating the other girl and I know he set out to do it to hurt me and try to push me away. We would slowly start back talking and he would tell me they were not talking and then if we had a disagreement or I asked to see him for the weekend he would start making excuses and then hurt me and then we would fuss and then I'd be blocked for weeks again until he eventually would reach back out. I think that was when I started getting depressed and would hurt so much and cry for days because I missed him. The other girl was separated from her husband so he never really had a relationship with her like we did but they did start having feelings for one another and when things were good with them of course I didn't hear from him. But about once or twice a month he would tell me how we were best friends and that he missed that and couldn't quit thinking about me no matter how hard he tried. When things were not good between them he was reaching out to me and other girls. When we deciding to get back together and he explained it as he was almost mad with himself for breaking down and telling me how he still felt. Maybe because I hurt him and pushed him away so he never thought he could get over the hurt?? But I told him he had to realize how bad he hurt me by slipping and letting our relationship fail because of him not acted like a man instead of a child and leaving over so stupid little fights we were having. When we broke up I knew I had made the right decision. A month or so after I tried to start dating and did but the 1 or 2 guys I talked to could not hold a flame to how he could make me feel when we were on good terms together. I've got to let the stuff that happened when we were not together go....the text and messages the week he was due to move back in are still in my head and that I think is where the trust issues still stem from. We have an awesome connection, when we are good its the best feeling I've ever had with anyone and everyone use to tell us we looked so happy and were so jealous of the bond we had. This time around I can feel that we are not best friends like we were. In ways this time he has improved and I know he can do what is needed, act right, give me the things I need but when we fuss and start being petty and his immature ways set in and he gets hurt over the argument or sometimes realizes he may be wrong then he can be manipulative . When he was a child he suffered a lot of trauma and I think he had to go from home to home and never got the emotional support and love he needed. His Mom went through men, he had abusive step fathers,he tried to protect his brother from abuse and now has no relationship with his parents. So here I come thinking if he loves me then I can give him emotional support, love, protection, loyalty etc 🙄 He has had a rough upbringing and I know that has caused a lot of his issues. He has went to two appointments and they have put him on medicine and it seems to be working. He does go through manic phases where I think he gets bored with life, or either never feels fulfilled and he wants someone to be proud of him. When whoever isn't it's like he spirals from that point. Sorry again for the long reply! I know I'm dealing with a man child, he has got some growing up to do still, I've got let go of the past and trust him if I believe this is where he wants to be. He swears he will continue therapy and wants this to work. He knows he has things to work on as well as I do. I do feel like he is trying and I'm still stuck with I hope I'm not wasting my time. I'm going to give it a bit and see how therapy goes for us both and look into couples counseling and if he is wiling to do these things and admit his problems and if I can let go and trust him then we may can work through these issues. If not then we both have to realize that there has been too much damage and we are just not good for each other.
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