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Everything posted by Ivoryleague

  1. I'm wrapping my arms around you and trying to send you strength because lord I know what you're feeling. I'm 7 months separation from my abusive narcissist husband of 6 years. All the abuse and trauma still hits me, some days far harder than I feel it should. I speak with my doctor and therapist to keep them up to date on my struggle. Because its gotten really bad at times and I have 3 children 5 and under to raise now. My ptsd is really bad from sexual/physical emotional and mental abuse, my son too who was emotionally and physically abused. Check into emdr therapy. Also look at dr. Ramani on YouTube, I wouldnt be strong without her videos. I've heard its life changing and will be undergoing this therapy myself. You've got this!! My inbox is open of you need suppoet
  2. My therapist and doctor are working together to get me back on track but the combined look at me points to my cptsd being responsible. It was a difficult, almost trauma morning talking through potential triggers and issues but I feel like it's good that they are now aware of this struggle. My doctor put me on new medication for appetite boosting and another to help manage my nightmares, and hopefully bring me to a space I can eat without nerves.
  3. I totally get that, toys do not replace the man in any way, they're just like the bread stick before the meal. You're on the right path, he, the right he, just has to cross it!
  4. You want different things and it feels like hes playing ball because he knows he will be able to hookup easily after the first time. I think you may want to redirect because your wasting your time on someone who isnt of the same mindset. Your confidence will take a big hit when you guys hookup and he doesnt want to settle into something monogamous and you'll be far more hurt when he starts to give the same attention to someone else. You seem to know what you want, good! Now be highly selective and open finding the right fella to invest your time in. Being patient is annoyingly hard, especially when you're in the mood. As a woman in my 20s I'd suggest you invest in an arsenal of fun bedroom toys and learn yourself. I'm doing that now and getting past years of awful sex, and it could have been avoided if I just got familiar with myself beforehand. This also relieves that pent up feeling that unfortunately clouds our minds.
  5. This may be inflammtion or carpal tunnel. It can cause your muscles and tendons to contract and even spasm. Dr. Teals in hot water, soak your hand and wrist, keep it elevated in a brace when you sleep and call your doctor did an exam. There are simple procedures that would chsngebyour quality of life quickly. Bengay is also a cream you can apply to help relieve some of the discomfort
  6. From the position of a 26yr old chick I dont see where you went wrong except swinging to far into the apology field. Look at it like this, you're attracted to her but maybe she isnt back because of the age. She may still like the attention but doesnt want to be judged about it, therefore being upset that you shared something she told you like that. Here's the deal. She should have said something and not reacted so upset, it was a basic miscommunication. But somewhere insecurities are at play. A tattoo below the breast is an intimate area, and people infer things. Maybe just tighten up boundaries, she will realize that she overreacted just like you did and then it's better to move on. Use the app love while parenting, I know that sounds like a strange app to suggest but it has been amazing for learning communication skills that have eliminated things like this from putting them into practice. Finding better ways of unpacking these situations as they arise because you shouldnt chase pain
  7. Okay, I'm going to give you an idea that may seem out there, but just know it comes from a place of experience. You should go into business for yourself!!! Start on fivrr and and job boards offering freelance graphic and logo design. I cant tell you how many fbook groups I'm in where people NEED your skills and just cant find you! I say go into business for yourself because a) my confidence and depression flipped and I became a stronger person who was more self capable I cant imagine who I'd still be if I didnt do the same, b) you literally get to be the boss. Dont have the experience? You disagree, and you get to say this is my experience, and also get to grow it on your own. And c) the extra money can be really great even long after you've found a good job. It can be hard meeting people. I'm young and struggle with that too, I would honestly just say go after your hobbies and grow your social circle from there. Once a week make yourself go out somewhere and see what's out there, and then eventually once a week have people over(I understand its the parent home but even still). If nothing else it will help trick yourself into experiencing more. To those I business and life coach going out and experiencing things is the number one thing I suggest, and it always has a positive effect when they start taking control of their life and building. Dating is hard, I dont know your situation but know there is someone for everyone, sometimes a few people for someone. Maybe branch out, have you considered poly or other relationship types that maybe are more supportive and communicative?
  8. Shocking every doctor I've had approved of it, theres more to my medical history that adds into my general petite nature. I grew up with growth hormone deficiency and a high metabolism, being petite is my MO. I was meant to be 4'6 but I I through hormone therapy for a few years to reach my current height and weight combo. I've never had unhealthy eating habits they were concerned with and my osteoperosis(hips, femur and spine) which can cause weight to be lower because of lack of density to the bones) made it really make sense. Btw though, my osteoporosis saw signs of reversal to the point I have osteopenia in my hips and nothing elsewhere, as a side bonus when I began smoking mj. My doctor was really amazed but concerned that my weight jumped without cause. Until we discovered the redensification of my bones and then the weight gain wasnt as big of a concern.
  9. Thank you allx I have back to back appointments with my doctor and therapist tomorrow! I am happy to say I got 6 or so pounds back! I think talking about it and admitting the issue really helped me to be able to fix it. I've got all kinds of smack packs with cheese, Apples and nuts. Even little ramen cups(yes nutrition is lacking but they also arent filling so when I ate a whole one I tricked myself into larger meals) . I started focusing over meal what hump I had to get over. Breakfast is hard over all, so I go with yogurt and small fruit, what a difference already. Lunch I just fake it like I never had the issue and I manage almost an entire former meal. Dinner too, but I sometimes have to split that in half. Thanks for the advice guys I'm on my way to being back to normal
  10. My children are the heart and soul of my everything and I certainly still sit at the dinner table and nibble over conversation. I dont want to adversely effect their meal experience and maybe jeopardize their current peace. They had trauma too from the break up and before we could leave. I see them be very sensitive at times and it's possible they could pick something up. I smoke mj, generally for anxiety, and cptsd, some insomnia and my hypoglycemia. I admit my habits are out of wack and I'm personally aware I need to take a step back. I started smoking at odd times of the day outside of when I needed it because it's also enjoyable and the initial weeks post trauma, when everyone needed a statement, they were met with a determined put together front but also one that was never sober. Working from home made the obstical non existent because I didnt have to drive anywhere and I was able to melt away into my screen anyways. I'm on a holiday from smoking until the end of july to do a full cleanse, and then I can go back. Knowing myself if I do this hard break and then a slow reintroduction within the boundaries I usually have, then I'll be okay. So far that hasnt been a challenge, it was just frustrating before the holiday was started because the session wasnt giving me the hunger results or any result that I ordinarily would have gotten because if my higher tolerance at the time. I recognize this as part of the issue because of a potential dependency even mentally, and the effect of thca being neccessary for hunger signals to go back and forth. I've gone back to all of my favorites, mini pbjs and hot pockets, I think my kids will strangle me with the noodles if I make chicken broccolli alfredo again
  11. Monday I have back to back therapy and dr appointments as I fell 10 pounds over this last week. I got a ton of snack sized things for across the day, protein packs with cheese, fruit and nuts, snackable trail mixes and a TON of yogurt(my kids are yogurt magicians, it just dissapears). I really appreciate the advice and will continue to push for recovery.
  12. I'm aware that dehydration causes appetitie loss and I began to track and maintain my hydration a bit closer but nothing was off in that department. By nature I drink a ton around the clock. Usually I have a protein shake in the morning if I remember but sometimes I only drink half. I like them, drank them with all 3 pregnancies to gain sufficient weight, but I'm stuck.
  13. I know I've put it off for a while. I have hypoglycemia and everytime we sit down we have to go over managing my weight. That was when I was still eating literally all the time and not struggling. I cant imagine sitting down now and unloading months of inability but I know I have to. I trust and adore my doctor but I want to work on myself while I wait for my appointment too. It was never my intention to wait so long
  14. It's weird to do this, I've been putting it off with my doctor but I cant anymore and have made an appointment. But here's the issue I cant eat, I'm having the absolute worst time being able to make myself even take a single bite of things. I'm a hard working woman, and I dont pull punches so everything gets my 100% but I have in no way ever been anorexic, I love food too much and am 100% comfortable with my body. I fell into a 6 year relationship with a narcissist and the stress wrecked me. I have chronic anxiety and depressive episodes and PTSD as a result, but I think that may be part of the problem! At the beginning of the year I was attacked and left with the kids and decided it was the last time. Raising my babies alone has been an absolute cake walk and everything around me is doing so well! But still despite therapy, stress reduction and overall improvement I'm struggling. Today I took my weight and I dropped 5 pounds, that's not a lot to some but I stay between 85 and 90 as my healthy natural doctor approved weight and never waver from it. I was shocked to see 81 on the scale, and honestly really ashamed I havent been able to handle this nonsense on my own. I manage a snack or one meal a day sometimes because I just cant force anything more. I used to I such a foodie too! I never missed breakfast and was hungry before lunch, the classic small chick who eats the whole menu, now I'm the opposite. How do I fix myappetite, it's been almost 7 months of this pattern? Fyi I have a med card and smoke but even when I'm hungry theres almost no way I've been able to do it, it's infrequent for me to binge after a smoke break and now even some foods are making me adverse to them just by their smell.
  15. Sorry for an confusion. We are both single, I made mention of us being exclusive because while we are not seeing other people I am hesitant to jump into a serious relationship. That's another reason I was confused by his words. Both marriages ended for us, different times but both if us are indeed single. My children's father is not involved in any way and my relationship with this man grew from a work relationship into more passion. His marriage ended further back than mine and while she misses him, they dont often talk because their kids are grown naturally. I've kept my kids and new relationships separate to keep my kids protected but when I see someone they are aware I'm a mother, because my schedule doesn't allow me to be out all night. I finally sat down with him and it was revealed a kink was at play and it was just bleeding into the conversation. He does want a serious relationship that could be long term, and began the baby talk to show me he was comfortable being around my kids if that came to be. Maybe not done the right way but the intentions were cleared up. There were so many great perspectives that I can certainly see, and a few I didn't that were mentioned here. I dont know if he and I are in the same page, but that's another reason I'm looking for a casual relationship more.
  16. He will be 52 in a few days and I will be 27 shortly after. We have a dating relationship that has been serious and Inmate but only for a short time. We have spoken for a few months and gotten to know each other, then became intimate and exclusive but with the idea we are not needing to be exclusive by anyone but our own choice. We have a great connection but are private considering all that goes with such an age gap and I like him enough that I matched his exclusivity with me. I have children from a former marriage as does he but mine are young(youngest is in diapers) and his are married and grown. He has a vasectomy and cannot father future children but As of late he has commented frequently of his desire to kiss my belly, and does so when we see each other. My first night staying the night he even tossed having his child into a conversation we were having leading into intimacy, And then made it a joke. But now He also has made comments about us trying to make a baby while we are in the throws of passion(but not succeeding obvious because of the vasectomy), asked about what our child would look like and even apologizing for calling himself daddy around my kids before he has done so yet. If hes so established and beyond the phase in his years, why would he be giving me so many signs he wants a child with me? If he is having those feelings how wouke I breech the topic with him?
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