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Everything posted by AnonAccount

  1. Trust me , it’s not that sort of online relationship. I can appreciate the opinions of people in these threads about online relationships; often it’s hard to see anything that happens online as real. But in all honestly I see this as an old school way of thinking. I’ve been in local relationships, online relationships, relationships that started online than later turned into an in person thing. I admit when it’s online, it’s easier to pretend to be someone you’re not, but through my experiences, it’s also very possible to be yourself online and in person too; you can experience very real moments with someone even if you’re not physically with them. There’s a whole world of individuals out there in the world and I see online dating as an acknowledgment that you’re not limited to the people around you. Despite all of this I do agree that when dating online you need to educate yourself about red flags, and safety measures.
  2. Even if I got 1000 replies answering all these questions, it’s true that everyone’s responses would be different. I guess I was hoping to find common ground, like if I got a lot of answers that were similar on certain questions I could understand that it’s not just him or not just me. Overall with these questions I thought I could understand his point better. I definitely understand the importance of sex will vary for each person, and that in each relationship it will be placed higher or lower on the list of priorities. I think me and him just view it differently as a man and a woman. I’m more emotional as a being and he’s more physical. I thought if I got answers that lined up with his mentality than it would make it easier to respect that we view things differently. Whereas If the responses lined up with my mentality I could feel a bit more validation in what I’m going through with him. I know it’s a bit naive as well, but that was my train of thought posting these questions.
  3. I agree with you after some thinking honestly. He mentioned how I send mixed signals in our conversation yesterday and I didn’t get it. my previous post basically talked about how my boyfriend gets really moody when I say I don’t want to do any sexual activities; a problem that’s been happening for a while. I realize that we just have very different views on it and I did not do my part in communicating that. We did go from doing it everyday to going a few days to a month without it. So of course things got complicated. My only issue now is how he reacted when I did communicate that. It’s like, he feels like it was solved after we had sex but I still have the whole conversation running through my head over and over again. Our relationship was on the line, there’s way more to it, sex can’t make it go away overnight. I plan to talk to him about it again tomorrow.
  4. Hey thanks for the reply; honestly the two posts do relate to each other but I wanted answers to these questions because After the conversation I had with him last night I’m trying to further validate my own feelings towards the situation. sorry to do this but I think I’ll leave an update under this reply: after I posted that , I later got a call from him. He came to me and said his sexual attraction for me was gone, because for a while “I kept shutting him down” and he felt like I didn’t want him sexually anymore. He felt as if I reached a point where Anything sexual we do won’t be genuine on my end. I explained everything, mainly explaining that when he gives me those negative responses for not wanting to have sex it causes this cycle; negative response = no sex drive and the longer it continues the less I’ll want to do it. I explained that it’s disrespectful and hurtful how he reacts and I wanted an answer as to why he does that. He got really defensive at first but eventually opened up to me about it all: he doesn’t appreciate the “switch up” meaning how we used to go from doing it everyday to barely at all anymore. He talked about sex as a reward, about how when I say I’m not in the mood it’s like a big “f*ck you” to him. How I leave when he’s in a bad mood after I say I don’t want to. That yes he gets upset, but if it ruins his mood It’s unfair that I get upset about that. He completely does not see how he’s in the wrong and kept telling me we won’t see eye to eye on this. the whole conversation shocked and disgusted me. I told him that maybe it’s best we end it, because if sex is so important to him and he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore it’s just bound to cause issues. We contemplated for a while whether we should leave each other, he told me “he doesn’t know how he’ll act anymore, but he’s not going to leave me, if I want to leave him he won’t stop me.” I told him that I do truly love him but if we’re ever to fix this issue we need to understand each other’s points of view. Anyone who reads this will hate me for this next part: he told me he will Never give up on me and was willing to tackle this issue, we talked more which led to us having sex. He randomly said “I don’t think my sexual attraction has changed, I’m really h*rny right now” we laughed about it at first but then I was the one to give into it. During that he kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to do this, and I kept asking him if he was sure and we both said yes.. stupidly. after the whole thing went down, we acted as if everything was fine, but I told him that we still Have issues here that haven’t been solved and we’ll have to talk about them later. He jokingly said “just have sex with me and we’ll be fine” but I could hardly take that as a joke. All the feelings from before came back. It’s the next day now and I’m contemplating asking him for space until I’m ready to talk about this again. The more I think about the situation the more sh*tty I feel about everything. If he really doesn’t want to give up on us he’ll have to understand my feelings and if he can’t then I’ll have to leave.. overall these questions were to understand how other people view sex in relationships, I personally don’t feel like it’s so important to the point where if we go a month without it we should be talking about breaking up. I want to see if I can understand why he puts sex on this pedestal.. If My way of seeing it is flawed in anyway.
  5. As someone who has been in your situation, let me tell you this will not be easy. I’m also bi, My best friend and me honestly used to act like a couple, but she only ever dated boys and had really religious parents so I assumed she couldn’t be into girls. This was all in highschool for me too. I don’t know how deep in your feelings you are with your friend but I remember my best friend was my first love, and it was like that for 2 years. to this day she doesn’t know, but looking back at it all I can honestly say I regret not being honest. As I got older I realized that the things we did were not what best friends normally do or even say lol. I do think that she probably felt the same way but would never actually admit to that given her situation. In the end you can get people who will tell you to just be honest with her and people Who will say she’s probably not into you like that, but regardless it’s up to you. But being in your situation I know how scary it can be, on one hand you can tell her and risk losing a best friend, or end up in a relationship with your best friend, so it’s nerve wracking. on the other hand you have to consider that if you never tell her, you could look back at it one day and regret it like I did. Timing is everything. I wouldn’t tell her just yet, right now, even if she did have hidden feelings for you , her comments suggest she wouldn’t accept them right now, AKA try to convince herself that she doesn’t have feelings. If there’s ever a moment or a conversation with her that screams “I like you” I would honestly tell Her during that. You can even try to add on to her weird comments to see how she reacts, for example if she ever brings up “wanting you to be like her boyfriend” jokingly ask if she thinks she could handle being in a relationship with you 😅, or something that’s not too forward.
  6. Hey thank you for your answers! I noticed you also commented on my previous post too actually. Honestly these questions are based on my observations in my current relationship but not a lot of them actually are directly related to the issues at hand. For example “ If you lost sexual attraction to your partner (no desire or ability to do sexual activities) how would this affect the relationship? “ is directly related because my boyfriend explained to me his sexual attraction to me was lost, since my sex drive has gone down.. how he explained it made me feel as if our relationship was on the line and I wanted to see if that would be the case for others in his position. Whereas “If you’re someone who is ok with hookups, what’s the difference between a hookup and having sex with a committed partner? ” is not directly related because neither me or him is hooking up with anyone, we’re loyal to each other. But he used to have hookups a lot before he met me, so I wanted to understand more about the difference between the situations. I think I should have worded that question better because I’m more looking to see how people behave with someone they’re just trying to hookup with vs a partner. Totally unrelated example lol: I personally feel like getting frustrated when someone doesn’t want to have sex is something that happens more when you’re just in it for quick sex, whereas if it’s your partner you may feel bummed but it’s not a big deal.
  7. This question is based on a previous post I made about my boyfriend getting moody when I don’t want to have sex. After reading the replies to that, me and him had a conversation, and it led me to want to know how others view sex in a relationship. I’m mostly looking for a male perspective, but of course I would like to hear from anyone who has answers (whether in a relationship or not). feel free to simply answer the title with your opinion “how Important is sex in a relationship”? But below I have some related/unrelated questions that I would like to hear about as well. Main Questions: how often do you feel you should be having sex with your partner? What does it mean to you? If you’re someone who is ok with hookups, what’s the difference between a hookup and having sex with a committed partner? If your partner started to lose their sex drive, and the activities were less frequent, how long would you wait to say something? (Like how long would you guys have to go with little to no sex) If you lost sexual attraction to your partner (no desire or ability to do sexual activities) how would this affect the relationship? If your partner lost the ability (maybe became paralyzed or something) to have sex with you, would you be able to stay with them? Do you think it’s possible to maintain a healthy relationship if there is little sex? (Twice a month or longer perhaps) When your partner does not feel like having sex after you ask, how does it make you feel? How do you react? Do you think it’s healthy to have sex everyday? Or do you feel there needs to be breaks? (!Trigger Warning!) this question is a bit unrelated but still relevant to what I’m trying to understand; If your partner was r*ped, would that ruin your sexual attraction towards them? Would you be able to continue to be with them? Some people view sex as a “reward” do you agree or disagree with this? If your partner needed a prolonged break from sexual activities, how long do you feel you would be ok with? Or is this something you would not be ok with? Do you feel that the more dominant partner, should be the one initiating sex every time? Related to the previous question, if you’re in a relationship where you are the one to usually initiate sex, do you feel like your partner would try to initiate it if you stopped? If not, how long do you think you guys would go without doing anything before they say anything? Again related to previous questions, How would you feel/react if your partner explained that your initiation felt more like you were pressuring them into sex? I think that’s it for now, thank you to anyone who provides insight and answers.
  8. Hello, I’m not sure who will see this as it’s my first time using this website (hope I’m posting this right), but I feel like I need an outside perspective on this. This may be long as I want to minimize the amount of unknown information to make this non one sided or biased. The main issue: my online boyfriend (age20) gets very moody when I (21) am not in the mood to do any sexual activity. context: we have been together for about a year now and since 2021 started I’ve noticed this issue coming up a lot. When he’s in the mood for sex (this is an online relationship so I’m talking about phone sex) and I’m not it’s like a switch goes off; he’ll become quiet and give me “yeah” “ok” type answers, gives me attitude, we’ll sit there for an hour saying nothing to each other, he used to even just leave the call saying he has something else to do. I’ve addressed this to him a few times and each time it’s a different answer: “when you say you’re not in the mood I think you mean you’re not in the mood for anything” “it’s an issue with the way I interpret things that I’m trying to work on” and something about how he used to behave in the past. Now I accept these answers but I’m seeing no improvement. I’ve also noticed that sometimes when he’s in the mood, it’s the only thing he’ll bring up; he’ll be distracted by something else (Netflix/video games) and every few minutes say “what you saying?” (That’s basically our way of asking if the other wants to have sex), he’ll ignore my comments, won’t make any conversation, just go back to his show then randomly ask again until I say yes or until he realizes he can’t convince me. Just tonight he did this all again. Gave me attitude and everything, I left the facetime only for him to call back later, still being quiet and giving “yeah” “ok” answers to me. It’s like this every single time, to the point where sometimes I just go along with it to save myself the headache. There will be times where we won’t have sex for max 2 weeks, and during those days he’s constantly moody. background information: we started off with a “friends with benefits” type of relationship. We would have sex everyday (no exaggeration) even once we started getting more serious, it was still an everyday thing. We were very rocky however during that point in our relationship; he was emotionally unavailable for a while and I was coming on to him very strong. So reading this it’s understandable to think “maybe I’m the one who’s changed and he’s not used to this.” My sex drive hasn’t necessarily changed, I’m just less infatuated and more in love, I enjoy a different type of intimacy now, the emotional kind. Before I would be ok with doing that everyday because my infatuation for him was strong and I would be fine doing anything so long as it was with him. Another thing I should mention is that I suffer from diagnosed Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder, so my mood and energy levels are never consistent. There’s times where I am in The mood to do that everyday and times where I don’t want to for weeks. Before he knew me he was a player; his relationship with women didn’t go past having sex (in person not online). He wasn’t serious about finding someone, and still strung up on his ex. He told me when he met me however, he was trying to move on from that lifestyle and settle down. Thank you to whoever took the time to read all of this. I think that’s everything (hoping I didn’t miss anything). Actually while writing that I thought maybe I should mention: we’re pretty serious, we talk about our future, we plan to visit each other once COVID isn’t a thing, I’ve met his friends/mom and he’s met mine. Despite all of this though, I don’t know what to do. In all honesty it makes me feel like ***. Like when I don’t want to have sex then there’s no point in conversation or anything anymore.. it hurts me a lot and he knows this, which makes it worse. I’m hoping that someone can at least help me understand more about his mindset or why he does this. Maybe I’m not seeing something..
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