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leaveornottoleave

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  1. I hear you, but there’s a lot of other feelings and context involved that wasn’t relevant to why I made this post that I’m taking into account. Being honest with myself now, the idea of breaking up has crossed my mind a lot more than I wanted to admit. I won’t just say see ya and dip out, we’ll talk. But I really think it’s for the best to be alone for a while
  2. Thanks for answering. I see exactly what you’re saying. When I wrote this post, my judgement was definitely clouded by infatuation more than reality. As the day has passed and I’ve read everyone’s input, I’ve put the guy more in the back of my mind and thought about just me and my relationship. i think I’m going to break things off and be by myself for a while. After all, I haven’t been alone for my entire adult life so far. If it’s meant to be then we’ll find our way back to each other. If it’s not, it’s not the end of the world and he’ll find someone he deserves. I’m just so not looking forward to breaking his heart. thanks again
  3. he doesn’t do any of that, which is why the situation is so messed up. Of course we have our fights where I feel like he’s in the wrong in a bad way, and maaaaybe a little gaslighty, but he’s not an abuser. He has no problems with boundaries and has never given me any issues. I will say there was one time not too long ago when a mutual friend confessed to me that he had been unfaithful with her and he may have been unfaithful with other girls. I decided to ignore it because knowing how he is, it made zero sense and she had no proof. Of course I wonder about it from time to time, but I made the decision to believe him so it wouldn’t be fair to hold that against him or use it to justify my actions.
  4. Oh ok, gotcha. I thought I wanted to make it work. But after this situation and these comments, I’m not 100% sure that I don’t just want out. I have a lot to think about. thanks for the help
  5. Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it. I have a lot to think about
  6. I wouldn’t say I’m test driving someone else, I have no plans to entertain this guy in the meantime. the situation and these comments have made me realize I have a lot to think about with our relationship besides this one guy, and if I realize I want to make things better instead of break up, then I think opening up to him about this when nothing really happened could be detrimental. you’re saying you think I should tell him everything regardless?
  7. It has crossed my mind, I’ve looked up other posts like this for insight and that idea was raised a few times. I would definitely consider it, I just don’t know how that would go bringing it up to him. As far as he’s concerned, everything is hunky-dory right now. I want to be truthful and maybe it would open up an avenue to address the reasons I’m so conflicted about another person. But like someone else said, he may end up making the decision for me. That would be his perogative, but since I don’t know if I want to break up or not I don’t know if I want to take that risk
  8. You’re right, I didn’t really indicate otherwise but I had no intention of leaving to immediately be with someone else that I hardly know. i know that would be ***ed up and unhealthy i think it’s both. Like I said, we’ve had our rough patches and almost broken up a few times. Right now is a pretty good patch though, so I’m feeling really bad about this whole situation. I’ve thought about that too, and it scares the hell out of me. Like others said, I really don’t know this guy. He seems genuine and caring but I could be putting a 10 year relationship with someone I have so much in common with on the line just to be messed around with and tossed aside. it makes me feel almost suicidal. like if you can love someone so much for so long and invest so much time in each other and your families and friends just for it to not work out, then what’s the point of anything, you know? yeah a couple other people mentioned that, I didn’t put much thought into it while I was writing it, I guess I was just trying to underline that he wasn’t a bad person and I have no “serious” reason to break up with him, besides emotionally Thanks so much for your insight, I appreciate it
  9. Yeah for sure. I didn’t really make it clear from my post, but I wasn’t gonna make any rash decisions any time soon. I’m not taking this lightly. Thanks for understanding. We talk about marriage and kids and we want them, but we both recognize that we’re in no position for either right now and I don’t know when we will be.
  10. I’m probably being pedantic because I know what you’re saying, but I feel the need to clarify that I didn’t go on a trip with him, my best friend wanted me to come and her husband wanted his. anyway, thanks for the insight. Genuinely.
  11. After reading some of these comments, I feel a little more grounded in reality than infatuation. reading this was upsetting at first but honestly not wrong and is now another aspect I have to think about moving forward.
  12. Alright sorry for the novel but here’s the situation: I’ve been with my bf since high school, almost 10 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, our relationship isn’t perfect, and we’ve almost broken up a few times, but I love him very much and I’ve always pictured him in my future. Last week I was invited on a trip with my best friend and her husband and her husband’s best friend. We met only a couple of times before, but the best friend and I vibed pretty well, a little too well. He ended up pouring his heart out, confessing how much he likes me, and trying to kiss me. Now usually I would tell my boyfriend about an incident like that, but here’s the problem: I really ***in like this guy too. He’s all I’ve been able to think about since we got back. His words were so affectionate and genuine to me when he was telling me how he felt, which is one of the issues I’ve always had with my boyfriend. I had to lay my head down on his shoulder to sleep on the plane, and it felt so right. i feel like *** because I can’t stop thinking about him, and my boyfriend is so happy to have me back and has no idea. He’s been working on a lot of issues and we have a good relationship, he doesn’t hit me or put me down. I think about all his good qualities, we have so much in common, and the fact that I could put almost 10 years of my life into someone and still break up scares the hell out of me. But every so often I worry that I’m settling. I feel like we’ve plateaued and i think about all the things about him that I’m not a fan of. I think about this other guy and my heart starts to pound. Being around him just felt so right and I could really picture us together and our future. i asked my friend and her husband for insight and they basically said he’s a great guy but has a lot of baggage (I have no idea what that entails), and drama (baby mama issues) and it could be tough, but he’s a great guy and would be good to me. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to risk a 10 year relationship just to be ***ed around or regret it in the long run. My boyfriend is really my best friend, I don’t want to lose that for nothing. Does anyone have any insight on leaving a long term relationship for someone else? How should I go forward from here, or make a decision? this could be the best decision or worst mistake of my life.
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