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  1. Telling someone how you feel & actively chasing them are two different things. You can have feelings & yet not act on them. As I said it is him contacting me, him coming over to my home. I don't go to his - ever.
  2. Yes thank you. Your post does make perfect sense. I guess also we have become quite dependent on each other & I am worried about the kids asking where he is etc & that I will actually miss him a lot as he is not a bad person but I do feel he is feeding me breadcrumbs He also seems to be greatly enjoying me taking care of him, ie sick but while at home he is looking up local hookers. I think I can start by being far less available, baby steps maybe. He is calling over tonight & I am going to talk to him about getting professional help so he might rely on me less.
  3. I don't know where to start. Plus it is only yesterday I realised he may be using/intending to use hookers. It made me rethink the situation & realise it is not working for me
  4. But nowhere have I said I was pursuing him? Or mothering him. I have feelings yes but I have not actively pursued him. Edited to add neither am I being selfish or hanging around him. Remember he is hanging around me - i.e he is in my house not the other way around!
  5. I think people not listening to what I said. I was ok going along with everything as I had a feeling he might be gay. I was not openly pursuing him etc. He was coming to me, I was not chasing etc, he was the one contacting me. Then I saw the google searches yesterday & it upset me, it is that simple. It confused me too. I am absolutely not mothering him. He very nearly died recently & has only got out of hospital & I am doing some monitoring. The hospital let him out on that condition. But during normal times, he comes to, stays in contact with me.
  6. I can't explain it but don't all men look at other women? I talked about the gay thing as I had presumed he was gay until I saw the google searches. This confused me hence my post here. Someone having mental health issues does not mean he will harm us. He appears to be doing more harm to himself.
  7. The suicide comments are not to manipulate me. A close family member of his committed suicide. He himself suffers from very bad anxiety, some mental health issues. As well as love, I do care about his well being. He does confide in me a lot. If I asked for his help in any way except the intimacy stuff, he would be there for me. There is many times I do feel the love from him. He just never shows it.
  8. I know it is not my responsibility but he has also mentioned being suicidal at times & if I just cut him off I would be worried about him. If gay, I think he would have to come to terms with it himself first before he would admit it to me. It is also not very acceptable where he is from. He really has intertwined himself in our lives, he even has belongings here in my house. I don't put any pressure on him either except the odd & very occasional joke about it. He does literally want to be around me all the time. He has several other female friends more attractive tha
  9. I'm confused as until yesterday I would have tended to think he was gay. I do have some gay friends but no bisexual that I know of & I would not want to discuss these issues or ask questions of them as I feel that if he is gay then I would be blowing his clearly reluctant cover! I have looked at these escort sites myself previous but more of a curiosity. He looked up Escort services in our area
  10. He told me that he did not want to get to know a friend of mine as this friend was very cute & gay & he was afraid he might like him too much Also I had sent another joke picture of a man who was gay enjoying a picture of a topless hunk & my friend responded that he hoped he was not getting the same picture of the hunk for Christmas. My friend is very homophobic. When we did talk/joke about porn before, he mentioned some porn star, I googled this person & he was some sort of big gay porn star. Yes the google searches would disagree. This is the very first time
  11. No. He has alluded to being gay before so I just thought I am in love with a gay man. His recent google searches would disagree with that. That is what I mean. Like a gay man would not likely be looking up hookers but I am no expert.
  12. He has given me reason to think he may be gay. Sometimes he even alludes to it but I do know that if he is, then he feels deep shame about it. He is as confused as me in this respect. This is why the google searches shocked me somewhat. Because all along - he has shown no interest & if vaginas etc are mentioned even in a joking way, he actually looks/acts disgusted. I sent him a joke with a *** in it & he was horrified & said if someone saw it on his phone, they would think he was gay. I sent the same joke to my other male friends both gay & not & they laugh
  13. This post really makes a lot of sense to me. He is very very homophobic. A wise older mutual lady friend who has since passed told me she thought he was gay. His workmates - male dominated job teased him about it & when his company staff were working where we live - I noticed that he would make a big point of calling to me & they would see him calling into my house. Like he wanted them to notice him calling into a ladies house. He has some sexual interests that until he told me, I'd never heard of them as it is something more popular with the gay culture. He does have some fem
  14. I am not laying any trap for him. He knows exactly how I feel about him. I have always been upfront. I did try to break up the friendship before & I was miserable & friends in common told me he was very upset too. Sure of course he probably is happy as he is because he gets most of the benefits without any commitment. He loves food & I am a very good cook. He does financially contribute to the food or buys us all nice treats so he is not just coming here & eating. I actually feel trapped, ugly & sad that he would prefer a hooker to me. My friends say
  15. Yes I have a job, I am popular with lots of friends & pre covid - plenty of hobbies too. I have a nice house, car etc. Wiseman, I tried to date others, my heart was not in it plus at the moment dating is difficult with Covid. I was muddling along with the current situation but seeing those google searches yesterday threw me a bit. Imagine looking up prostitutes when you have a decent caring woman who would be delighted to have you. I would have said maybe he is using the escort pictures & beach girl photos to get off except he searched for escort services in the particular
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