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  1. The comment was to get proof of any behaviour that was not good for the kids. Drinking excessively, blacking out, etc. I am not near there to document or see that.
  2. I have a meeting with a lawyer. I know what is going on but being 100's of miles away, I have no idea of how to get proof. I am taking steps to protect us financially while making sure I do not broadcast what I am doing. Hopefully a lawyer will be able to advise me how to protect them better. I have been very basic and acknowledged where we are and that we are good. I have made sure they know how I feel and that I love them and they can say or ask me anything. I have told them they are always aloud to talk to their mother (they have phones and computers to message or facetime). I have nev
  3. I have told them that it is just us now and that mom is not here and I don't know if or when that will change. I have made sure that they know that they can talk to me or call their mother at anytime. I have let her show them how she feels and made sure that they know how I feel. I have not had a 'talk' about separation or divorce because I would rather it come from both of us. I do not want to cause more damage to the relationship with her or cause more damage or trauma. Every article I find online about talking to kids about divorce and separation starts with 'have the parents talk to them t
  4. I would not tell the kids. I have shielded them as much as I can. I don't want them to know what is going on but they obviously are picking up on things. If they found out anything, I don't think they would forgive her. Honestly, I have shielded her from what the kids comments are because she doesn't want me to say things that 'make it harder'. Kids are 11, 12, 16. The only people that I have said anything to are the mothers ( her and mine) although I have really kept it vague and left out a lot because I don't want them getting too upset. Mine is around the kids so she started asking que
  5. Yeah. I have noticed that I am overcompensating with them and making sure they are good. We do game nights movie nights and I ask them if they are ok every 10 min. I worry about them and try to make sure they are good.
  6. I wouldn't. I just hope they don't blame me. I am reducing communication to a minimum. I will look for another lawyer, mostly cause I didn't like the consult. I am looking online for someone to call tomorrow. I am also going to talk with work and see is I can get more cash to help. My kids come to work when they don't have school (covid) and work has figured out what is going on. The teachers at work have come to me this past week and said they think the kids are going through something because they aren't acting like themselves.
  7. Yes. I plan on honoring what they kids want. I am sure it will come back on me but I think at that point I need to stop shielding me wife and say the kids didn't want to. We visited a while back and had a great weekend. When she went to work it got really ugly. She told me to leave her alone and didn't talk to the kids. She stayed at work later and didn't come home till midnight 2 days. I felt horrible for what I put the kids through trying to give them time with their mother. I talk to her mom. I try to be cautious on what I say and have kept the bad parts out. She has stopped talki
  8. Are you saying I should ask the kids if they want us to divorce? I am not sure that would be my approach. I have tried not to let them know anything is wrong. I have shielded them from this. She sent a picture one time of her at the bar with a bunch of coworkers and my oldest said well looks like mom is having fun without us. Then we visited her so they could see her and she didn't spend any real time with them. My oldest told the others that mom is too busy for us. All of this broke my heart but I did not do that to them.
  9. Divorce did? When you were a kid? Yeah my SO went through a rough time when her parents divorced. She rebelled and I don't think ever got over it. Thats is one of the big reasons I have had a hard time understanding her actions. My parents had a rough life and I grew up with a dad that was on the brink of death the whole time. They had issues but never split. Thats part of the reason I have trouble doing it. Just seems like the reasons aren't enough to destroy the kids lives over.
  10. Yes. I was thinking I would just see if she called but idk. My daughter has a birthday coming up right after and I am focused on making it a good event. Maybe I should text and see if she wants that. I have felt that she really doesn't want the kids interfering in her new life. I have told her the kids miss her and she has yelled at me for trying to make her feel bad.
  11. No. I did want her back but I think that reconciling would be more difficult than she could handle and would not even try. Waiting a year to get it counted as abandonment would be hard. Not to mention the entire year I would have to worry that she showed up or come to get the kids and stop the clock. Just don't know that with those standards the court will see it as abandonment.
  12. Try to keep the family together, but I am seeing that she is not an angel in their eyes. She had a great relationship with all of them before she left, but I see that they are seeing it as being gone. Thats what surprised me about them not wanting to do anything.
  13. I read the standards for spousal abandonment and where I am, it says 1 year and no support (money) from a spouse is what they consider abandonment and if the spouse shows up for one month the clock starts again. I am worried that would be hard to wait out.
  14. She has become a heavy drinker since she left, passing out at different places. I have struggled with being the one that files cause I don't want the kids to think I didn't try.
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