Background: I’m 28M, she’s 45F
We had mutual friends and became friends for 5-6 months before this happened.
One day she texted we should go on a road trip, the next day we make the 4.5hr drive to LA for The Weeknd, the first night there we were playing poker and she texted we should go back to the hotel and drink n play games.
we have a couple drinks then she changes into just a big t shirt n no pants and sits on my bed and we start playing.
I didn’t make a move at all.
On the way back from the trip we got to talking about life, relationships etc.
couple days after being back I asked her what was up with that night. She admitted to wanting to hookup.
that’s when I threw out the idea of just friends with benefits. At first she was hesitant because of our age but we agreed.
This went on for 2 months then she complained about her Roommate situation for a week straight then I finally said why don’t you just move in with me.
fastfoward a year n half later we break up she moves back to her home country.
and we don’t speak for a year then when I was drunk at my sisters wedding I called her and apologized for how I treated her in the relationship.
6 months go by and we’ll talk rarely until she asks me for a favor, to send someone money and she’ll pay me back in couple weeks when she comes to town.
she comes to town in October and I let her stay with me. First night, I sleep on the couch, 2nd night she says i can sleep in the bed with her. We end up sleeping together and it was just sex.
origanlly she was only supposed to be in town for 3 days but kept extending it for a total of 10 days & In those 10 days we talked about me coming to visit to hangout and help her with her job.
We decided I’d come end of December so she plans a trip to where I live with her sister for Christmas and we’ll fly back together.
I spent everyday with them, driving them around shopping and eating etc. and in those 10 days I went from looking at her as just a friend to deeply in love with her and wanting her back in my life for good.
On the plane she was tired so she layed down and put her feet on top of me and I gave her a foot massage for couple hours...
after a week up here I initiated sex and she said no because she knows I have feelings for her and she doesn’t feel the same way so she can’t do that to me.
3 days later we were watching a movie and she randomly said “okay let’s have sex” followed by “but this is just sex. I don’t have feelings and this can’t happen again”
2 weeks later I left because it’s just painful to be around her 24/7 and not have her reciprocate the same feelings.
she texted me 3 days after I got home and offered me 20% of her business because she really needs help and she feels bad for the way she was such a *** to me while I was here.
I come back up and it’s going okay, I’m trying to play it cool, then one night We fought and I told her I don’t want the 20% I just want to help you. The very night night i was helping her & I was losing a big sum of money and she said “if your not an *** Tonifht we can have sex”
1 week later same thing she uses sex as a way to get me to stay up here and help her.
3 weeks go by and In that 3 weeks we were arguing and she said “if I didn’t care about you i would have said okay let’s get back together, sleep with you & used your help then when I didn’t need ur help break up with you and send you on a plane”
Thursday night I told her “I can’t continue to help you, i financially can’t continue doing this”
her response was a cold “I’m not forcing you to stay here”
I was in the bath when this convo happened and her daughter is staying with her for couple days so I gave her the spare room & I’m sleeping on the couch. When i got out of the bath she was on the couch watching a movie and I asked her for a pillow and she said ya later.
after the movie she went in her room and when I asked her for a pillow she expained she uses 1 for her leg and 2 to sleep on so I can use the couch pillows.
She was that mad/anoyyed that I’m leaving that she would give me a pillow :/
yesterday she had errands to run so we didn’t speak much at all.
tonight she has her business and last night she talking to her daughter and said oh why doesn’t he come home with you so she’s not including me in helping her which is good.
her business is like 40% better since I came up her the 2nd time. It will still struggle 100% if I leave but it’s not at total risk now so she doesn’t need me as much.
When we were dating I was a *** so In the last 3 weeks I tried to do everything completely opposite. I wake up earlier then her so I would wake up, clean up her mess in the living room; walk our/her dog. Then make her coffee.
I would clean the kitchen everyday etc.
basically I become a weak controlled person when im not even dating this woman.