Thank you everyone for your answers. It's really meaningful to hear someone's opinion in such a situation. It's hard to process it alone, so having an outside perspective is definitely an eye-opener. Thank you. I can tell I needed this for a really long time because I teared up reading the replies and I'm not the most emotional person. Now I feel much better and I'm ready to finally move on.
Ok, so this is a big confession but thinking about this causes me a lot of anxiety so I nedeed a space to share my experience and I found this forum. Sorry if there are spelling mistakes but it's a really long text and I'm not a native english speaker. Also I'm wiriting my first post here so I don't know if it's necessary but there are some sexual themes so if you don't want to read that here's my trigger warning. I'm 18 now and a few years ago when I was still in middle school I started an online friendship. I'm really shy and introverted so I didn't have any close friends at the time.