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B.S.

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Everything posted by B.S.

  1. THANK YOU. And we have talked about this cause I brought it up the minute he said he wanted to hang out. It's just that I sometimes I feel bad about setting boundaries for myself after I've already done it. Which is a step in the right direction for me cause a year ago I wouldn't have even stated my boundaries to begin with.
  2. I don't snap him all day and he doesn't text me "relentlessly", just a little more often than I would like. The problem I came here for to get advice on was not about him, rather about me feeling bad about not texting back all the time.
  3. I'm not being icy haha, we have conversations a few times a week cause I do respond when I'm willing to and we've also planned an outing together. We're not regular friends though and I'm just trying to be cautious by not replying immediately and every single time he texts me which he does every day cause that could send him mixed signals. We also send snapchats to each other on the daily just like I do with my family/collegues/friends. It's not like I'm ghosting him😅 I don't think my terms are strange at all either; we can hang out and do the deed but just don't text me all day and treat it like a serious relationship lol that's all.
  4. Thanks, yes I'm not 100% sure if he is on the same page but then again it's my choice whether I want to see him or talk to him or not. I just find it hard to establish boundaries sometimes.
  5. Thanks Rose, I was getting all up in my head about it cause I already explained it so well in my opinion. But I will definitely not let anyone rush me to reply and let him know if it gets too much. Also, I really hope he's on the same page as I am cause it will hurt him more than me since I know what I want and what I don't want 🙂
  6. Hello people. It's me again but new and improved. I've been single for about 3 months now and I'm doing very well back at school again and I also recently got a new job. Besides that, I've been talking to multiple people who came back into my life after I got out of my toxic relationship. It's great to have all this freedom back and so I cherish it a lot. This guy who I've known and met one time also started talking to me again. We had a one night stand and we kind of remained acquainted after that. So now we planned to go to a Halloween event at a theme park which I love cause spooky season is really fun for me. Now, I've told him before we planned this what my expectations were of our relationship and I asked about his too. This to make sure there isn't gonna be any hurt feelings or anything like that. Our expectations are mutual; we want to hang out be friends and if we feel like it we can have sex since we've done it before and there are no strings attached. So when we had that talk I felt really relieved cause it felt like a load off my shoulders. But then he started texting way more often and he wanted to see me in between the event which I declined cause frankly I don't have the time and also I want to focus on myself more these days. How do I handle him texting me every day? It's not like he texts me all day long but just standard texts every day like "How is your day?" and then he texts me goodnight and stuff. To me it doesn't feel like we're on the same page when it comes to the amount of contact we have. I kinda want to just slow it down a little since I'm not looking for someone to talk to who I also have a romantic history with every single day. Do I tell him again or do I just do my own thing and respond whenever I feel like it?
  7. I agree, I don't plan on staying with him for a long time anymore. But because I always want to treat people with respect and have faith in growth I don't make that decision right away. I'm the kind of person who ponders and thinks about the right time, the right words, the right environment to be in while breaking up. I have a feeling he is not going to take it well, since his self esteem is already so low. And I don't want him to think that I don't appreciate all the good things he's done for me either. I wanna mention everything that needs to be mentioned in the break-up conversation, cause it is the end of almost 4 years together. I wanna do it the right way and I want my mothers opinion on it before i have the talk. The problem is also that my mom is going away for 3 weeks this Saturday so I won't be able to talk to her in person at all when she's gone.
  8. I know we're not compatible, I just really need to get this off my chest and tell my mother. Personally I am doing so well with my education and my social relationships. The only thing weighing me down is him at the moment.
  9. Basically, all I want from him is honesty. He's going to therapy right now for abandonment issues. I'm aware that he hasn't had the best upbringing, but he kind of hides behind it. He doesn't do anything all day, he talks down to other people cause he feels insecure. Again, I could write a book about all of the problems in our relationship. The point is, I want to talk about it to my mother cause she's honest with me as well. I just don't know how. I want to know what she thinks, maybe all I need from her is good advice on how to end things. I've ended relationships two times before and it made me feel so bad, like why am I always the one who leaves?
  10. Hi everyone, hope you're all having a good day. I think I've posted on here before and I am still dealing with the same issues in my relationship. Now, I've tried a lot of things already to better my relationship. I've talked to my partner, I've had arguements, I've looked at all the good and the bad things that the relationship has brought me. But now I'm pretty much stuck in the same place. Yesterday my family came over, as well as a new boyfriend of a close family member of mine. Meeting him and seeing how good he is to my parents, how interested he was in all of us and how chill and kind he was made me feel very anxious about my partner. We've been together for 3,5 years now and he has not bonded with my parents yet. He's had arguments with them, my sister, basically he picks arguments with a lot of people. Now he wants to suddenly become a police officer, since he is jobless and has no perspective on life he just kind of decided that all of the sudden he wants to become a police officer. I'd have to write a complete other story to inform you all on why that decision is so strange and doesn't make any sense at all, but I'll spare you from that for now. Feel free to ask questions about it though. Now back to the point of my story. I haven't always been completely honest towards my mother about the things that have gone on in my relationship. First of all that is because I don't want to throw shade at my partner behind his back. That's not in my heart and it doesn't feel right to me. Secondly, I don't know how to talk to her about my relationship. My mother already doesn't like him very much, so if I tell her I'm unhappy at the moment I already know she's gonna tell me to leave him instead of trying to understand my point. How do I bring this to her without causing her to lose all hope in my partner? And how do I say it in a way that I'm not making my partner look like a villain? (Cause he's not, he's just not your every day man of 22 years old)
  11. I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic with this comment or not, but please mind that this is a serious issue. It's nothing to do with what happens after I break up with him. I just need advice on what to do right now.
  12. yes I've asked him before and he said he is depressed. I was depressed for 10 years and I'm almost finished with me therapy now. I always tell him how much therapy has helped me but he won't give it a chance at all.
  13. yeah harsh isn't the word I was looking for. More like straightforward.
  14. good for you, for putting yourself first. breaking up isn't easy but it was necessary for you to move on in life! I hope it does you well and I hope you feel more positive.
  15. My mom tells me this same thing usually, but I'm not one to be very harsh or unforgiving. Even when I should be. I mean he did already get so many chances from me. My mother really cares about my future, that includes the partner I'm gonna be with. That's why sometimes it causes friction between us cause I don't tell her the whole truth about him. I am willing to come clean about his behaviour though, maybe she can come up with some advice too. I tend to enable him too in a way. Of course I do tell him how I feel about him being lazy. Just yesterday he told me after I had been working on a paper all day "your life is boring". I told him "My life is boring? Look at you, you do nothing all day. Don't talk about my life being boring when you literally don't do *** all day." But even when I confront him he acts like I didn't just say that and he keeps on doing the samt thing all over again every day. But yeah, you are right. 21 year olds shouldn't behave like children.
  16. I mean, I agree that I grew up and that I'm in a different phase than he is. He's still in his childhood phase, he seems to be stuck there. But to be honest he's only 21 years old. Sometimes I feel like he's way too young to be a real adult yet. Plus his mother babies him extremely. For me it's the struggle of wanting to put in the effort to wait it out and see if he grows up in the next coming year or not. That would be the deal breaker or maker for me. But I appreciate your comment and it helps me to hear that you think I should part ways, it kind of a declaration of my feelings right now.
  17. It sound like you put your SO first in every instance. You have to start putting yourself first and if that means you have to break up with him, then so be it. You are in control of your own life and future, you control who will be in your life and future. It's a process but you can start taking little steps by setting boundaries and saying "no". If he won't respect that then I think it's time for you to end the relationship. I wish you well and hope you feel a little encouraged by my response 🙂
  18. My boyfriend and I have been together for just about 3,5 years. I'm 23 years old and he's 21. We both still live with our parents and we see each other every weekend. I've been a university student for two years now studying psychology and I go to school three days a week and two days a week I go to my internship. Now my boyfriend has a degree, not at a very high level. When he got his degree in programming he started his first job but it ended very dramatically. They were gonna fire him because of getting into arguments almost every week so he quit his job before they were able to fire him. According to him, he did nothing wrong. Then he went to work at a grocery store and his 6 month contract wasn't renewed after that. So now he's jobless. Then he went back to the programming company he did his internship with for school. but eventually they had to let him go cause they couldn't afford to pay him anymore. So in short nothing worked out for him, whether it was by his own doing or not. When we first met, he was super ambitious about programming. He would even do it in his free time. Now after encountering these few companies and colleagues he didn't see eye to eye with, he says he never wants to work with computers ever again. Then his next plan was to start going to university like me. He said he would easily be able to handle it because he is a hard worker (in his own opinion). Then not even a few months later he takes this vague job opportunity to start a trajectory of becoming a store manager, something he never had mentioned to have wanted to do. This was proposed to him at a new job. Not even a week after that he was fired again, for calling in sick. I don't think it's right that they fired him for calling in sick with COVID during these years. He did the right thing and they were wrong to fire him over it. So now we are in the present. My boyfriend has a history of gaming addiction and I slowly but surely am noticing it coming back. He does absolutely nothing all day every day but game and lay in his bed while I'm working my ass off for uni. He even gets annoyed at me over it, clearly cause he's bored and doesn't know what to do with his life. Every time I talk to him about what he wants to do he gets angry and ***es at me how I shouldn't stick my nose in his business. At the same time he tells me he needs my advice all the time. Very confusing. So right now my life looks like this; I study all day and I work two days at my paid internship and on the weekends I see my boyfriend but I also work many hours to complete my uni essays, researches etc. My boyfriend in the meantime wants my attention 24/7 even when he knows I can't do that. He starts arguments for no reason (not just with me also with his own parents). He is super negative about basically everything. He says to have no idea at all what he wants to do in the future and he doesn't do anything to change what his life is like. He's also heavily overweight because of his lifestyle; sitting and eating all day. It drives me insane cause I'm a career woman. Everyday I push myself to become better and to learn new things. I try to make every day a good day and a learning experience. My boyfriend has turned into a sour, unmotivated and negative person. I don't know why he is like this and I'm not sure if I want to hold onto this relationship anymore. He causes fights in my family at times as well which is very uncomfortable for me cause I don't want to pick sides. When I'm not with my boyfriend I feel like I can breath freely and just be positive every day. He brings down my energy to his level. What can I do about this? I've tried talking to him but when I do he doesn't take any responsibility for what's been happening between us. He just gets angry and acts like nothing happened the day after an argument. It just seems like he doesn't take anything seriously in his life. Not his relationships, not his income, not his future or his health. It's sad to see him like this but I'm not the one who can change him. He has to get his *** together himself and be intrinsically motivated to change. Maybe he doesn't want to change though and if he doesn't then I'm definately breaking up with him. But for now I want to give him a few more chances to prove that he really cares for me and to better his life. I want to see a little ambition and effort coming from him. Has anyone gone through this or is going through something similar? Let me know your thoughts on my story. A little advice also doesn't hurt. Feel free to critisize me as well if you think I'm doing something wrong here. I want to do anything that's possible to save this relationship cause I do love him still...
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