I'm going to preface this all with: There are great things about my relationship, so take this with a grain of salt. These are just the red flags, and they don't inherently define the quality of my relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and I think I've been ignoring EVERY SINGLE red flag. Maybe I'm just far too empathetic, calm, open-minded or whatever it may be, but I don't know how to fix the things that have become OK in our relationship.
He's definitely a hothead, which I didn't see as an issue until the extent of it was shown on a night out with our friends. Granted, some guy groped me, but it didn't need to be a physical confrontation.
He has 2 kids, with the same mother, and they talk VERY often, clearly it's more than just about the kids. It creates anxiety in me, despite me having asked him about it directly. There will always be the question of...Would he ever want her back? Plus, the thought of "wow, he slept with her and cared enough to co-parent 2 kids". Somehow it's easier to forget that your significant other ever slept with anyone before you when there's not evidence of it...
Within the last 6-7 months, he's been having these like weekend "benders"? I guess? He'll say he's going to hang out with his friends, which I condone because I want him to have his friends outside of our relationship as well, and he'll tell me he'll be home (we moved in together 4 months ago) around 11-midnight. Well, when that time comes around and I'm still awake, he's not home. I'll call or text, and he answers, but he says "I'm being good, nothing is going on, I'm just hanging out with the guys". Like, okay, that's fine, but if you say you're going to come home, just do that. He'll then tell me that he'll be home "soon" which I always interpret as an hour from the time we talked. But that doesn't happen either. I'll fall asleep, wake up in the morning, and he's still not there. He either drives himself home still intoxicated (dumb), get a ride from a friend, or ask me to come get him (which I don't have a problem with because it's better than driving drunk). He always expresses how sorry he is and how he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it's like nothing fully sinks in because it still happens and now it's even more frequent for some reason. I think I stopped counting after the 6th time it happened.
Part of why the above happens is because he admittedly has a problem with cocaine. I've told him that I'll support him in rehab and therapy, and he says he needs it and he'll go. He still hasn't. The closest thing he's come to is getting drug tested by his boss, which honestly hasn't stopped any of it.
I've told him that something has to change. That if he won't talk to me (because he doesn't open up) or any of his friends, then he needs to talk to someone. He says that no one understands him, and no one will. It's like...okay DUH no one will understand if you don't explain.
I don't know how to get him to be more communicative and talk about what's really going on.
Did I ignore the flags for too long and now this is just "acceptable" for us?
Should I end things? I worry that he won't be okay if I leave...