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sundara.savdhan

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  1. During my upbringing, I was told to follow a simple logic for sad occasions (funerals) and happy occasions (weddings) : In the event of death of anyone we know, it doesn't matter how we get the news. As soon as we get the news, take necessary steps to pass on the condolences either by visiting their family or calling their near and dear in case you can't make it to the funeral. In the event of someone getting married but we didn't come to know about it directly, then it means we are not in their list of near and dear, still take no offence but don't push for an answer and lose self
  2. This messages forum is really helpful. It feels like anonymous talking therapy to discuss issues so we definitely don't feel like we are alone. An apt title for the www as well - enotalone 🙂 Wish you all the very best in your life and future goals. I will be a regular member here and see if I can support other members from my own life experiences. I feel very positive today 🙂
  3. Thank you all again for making me come to a rational decision. This time when I spoke about it when I had a moment to be calm and focused, it didn't seem difficult to say it out and make it clear that something needs to be done to pay his part of bills himself from next billing cycle, although I offered him to help for the course fee as I now know the final figure and it's relatively less considering how the entire economy is sort of disrupted during covid times. So there lies my support and I feel happy about it. Plus I feel happy and grateful about my own job that I can look after myse
  4. Thanks again for all your replies on this discussion. I traced back to the time where things were ok and how decisions were made from his end to switch over to not doing any backup jobs just because he felt ok to not have any backup jobs. I may have nodded along for his decisions (blinded by sympathy and love) not knowing what I am nodding for. He didn't ask me "Is that ok?" when he made some decisions. Instead , he put his goal first and looked forward to getting it done but I didn't realize that the boundaries would cross from me paying all the common bills to me paying his bills as well. E
  5. That's an interesting thought indeed. I wouldn't see him as irresponsible though, but optimistic with the hopes that something will work out well . Otherwise he would not have done what he has done so far for no reason. He is a really good guy and I often see him as a misfit in this cruel world where greed and power rule people's heads. I have lived through some of his bad work experiences myself and it wasn't just that he said and I agreed. Which is what puts me in a difficult position to suggest going back to such ventures. With that same optimism , I can only hope that the future is bright
  6. I like all replies. However, website not letting me click the react button today I appreciate all of your responses. Thank you all very much 🙂
  7. He is taking virtual appointments . However due to potential competitors , it becomes tricky to have a consistent flow of clients. I have seen the effort and hard work he had gone through to set things up so it is not I have any doubts about him not pushing himself enough. Before we met, he was doing all sorts of jobs to keep up with paying his rent and bills to where he was living but ever since we got into a situation like this, perhaps, he has become too comfortable . Our views on money are totally different (no surprise there). In one of my calls to the bank last year (he was with me) he m
  8. This particular situation may be perceived in multiple ways by an outsider, I welcome that. However , hands on heart I never want to control anyone with money. If I was very particular about MINE and YOURS type of sharing, then I wouldn't be even happy to let go of paying for common expenses. But I have compromised that part and learnt to live with it and I am 100% happy about that situation as long as my partner doesn't need to ask me for extras for his own or business expenses. That's where I should have drawn the line, perhaps I can only give a timeline until situations get a lot better in
  9. Had the discussion once again but I don't think he completely understands my point of view, instead I end up feeling bad again for bringing it up. Although him assuring me that he is not taking advantage of me may be convincing enough , I personally feel that there is something not in the right place. May be it's my own worries and trust issues overpowering me to see him in a different(bad) light. I might have even indirectly tried to push him away in the past by saying I am not the right fit by putting myself down, but he doesn't let me wallow in that moody phase. I appreciate him for t
  10. Thanks everyone so far for your practical and comforting replies . I will have an open and honest discussion with him soon with all these points taken into account without hurting his feelings . I think all I need to get to is find a balance so both of us are happy in the relationship, not compromise mine to just make him feel comfortable. I keep telling myself that I do have the funds to provide him but then what does it mean in the long run..
  11. He is my bf/ partner. We are a gay couple. Prior to lockdown last year, things were ok . Although at some point during our relationship due to income mismatch, he couldn't pay his dues but I didn't mind that . But ever since lockdown to keep up with his course work he asked for help and it's been going on since. He is a self employed psycho therapist who relies on customers finding him through his website and adverts . So I can understand especially during difficult times, there may not be enough clients to keep the business going or could be because of other potential competitors. I have no p
  12. I am very anxious about what my partner spends money on from the amount he asks from me every month (600 USD) . He has a degree course to complete which takes a monthly portion of 200 which still leaves him with 400 for miscellaneous which he says are for subscriptions and mobile phone bills. I am taking care of rent, groceries, utilities etc., so I personally don't see why he asks for a standard 600 without a breakdown of expenses. What I feel is 400 is still a lot of money for any kind of subscription and mobile bills (combined) which would mean there is quite some sum left behind. Is he sav
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