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  1. Honestly after reading this, I think your right. I hope we would be able to reconcile in the future so it's a tough pill to swallow he might just be "done"
  2. Hi! I kind of think people are being a bit harsh on this... There's two arguments though right? The worst thing you can do is waste your time with someone who's not interested. I think, best thing to do is to send him a message that you accept the breakup and wish him well. Then go No Contact. You need to give him the chance to actually miss you and be sad about the breakup. Right now he's lost nothing- you're still there while he's free to look around. Flip the script and let him know you're out. From there, you can still have maybe a bit of hope he'll come back but start dati
  3. Hello all! I had a pretty tough breakup (I wrote a different post about it) and a big part of my healing is trying to understand what went wrong. Through my research into different attachment styles I've recognized that my ex was an avoidant to a tee. Does anyone else have stories/advice on their past with an avoidant or them exiting the relationship very suddenly? It would really help me to feel as if I'm not alone in this experience. If someone is an avoidant it'd be nice to know kind of what goes on in your head as well. My reasoning is now that the dust has settled in the breaku
  4. I have pretty severe IBS and I'm honestly confused by this post. I think you are both incompatible (and I'm sorry if that comes off as harsh!) It's never been a factor in any sort of my relationships (friendship or romantic.) She can follow a dietary plan and see a gastro-doctor. But..yeah I mean stuff happens in life if this is how she responds to negatives or stress thats the biggest red flag.
  5. Thanks everyone for your help so far. I know the hope I have right now that he realizes what went wrong and come in to be the knight in shining armor is just that: hope and not my present reality. I guess it's hard to hurt so badly and then think maybe the other person is just fine. Maybe that hope will go away with time? I know nothing I've said is revolutionary for a break-up and he doesn't need any reason to not want to be with me. The abruptness is just tough to swallow. The external world collapsing is tough to swallow. And i guess the hardest part is knowing I wouldn't do this
  6. Thats exactly right I am in shock. I really loved this man and saw a full and bright future with him. I'm scared I'll never be as close to anyone as I was with him. I'm horrified at how he could leave me so easily. And I'm absolutely broken about it even though I put on a brave front.
  7. Yeah I agree with this it's just the toughest part...being like well...was it me where did this go wrong? Was it just a fear of commitment? I guess at this point the problem is really with me and having a tough time swallowing the unknowns. And also having the man who I thought was the love of my life walk out.
  8. ok I think I'm going to take a little bit of a different take here. People act irrationally when they're sad. If he really thought he lost you, the love of his life, he probably made some choice he wasn't proud of. He could have had sex with someone in a last attempt to get over you. What REALLY matters is what he's doing now. It doesn't matter what he did when you weren't together (unless he was truly just sleeping with everyone and their neighbor). Is he coming in with commitment? Is he focused on going to therapy? What steps is he putting in place to make sure this doesn't happen
  9. After reading this thread there's so much of my own situation (a 5 year breakup as well) that I can see in this. The hardest part is knowing "if they wanted to they would." She just, gave up. And the reason really doesn't matter. There is a chance she comes back, there's always that chance and for your sake I hope she does regret it. But by that point I hope you've moved on. They say "what's meant to be will be" and I only kind of believe that. We aren't all leaves floating in the wind, people need to put effort into things. To realize conflicts and falling in and out of love are normal.
  10. I know it's illogical, but in my mind if we actually WERE to end up in the same city we would rekindle this naturally. Wishful thinking, but if you saw how he looked at me even post break up you would want to try everything too. I think what I'm seeking more than anything is closure my brain can wrap itself around. I'm doing no contact for at least 60 days (i think I'm on day 40 something now and it's been fine I've been focusing on myself.) But I've been thinking about maybe sending him a message afterwards. Once we move to separate places it's a sealed door and I don't want the "what if
  11. The "flip switch" being everything is fine and then he panics. I guess it's because I never saw signs of that during the first 5 years we were dating that I'm so thrown off. But again, covid and him losing his job is by far the most stressful thing I've seen him go through. That's exactly what my mom said as well.. that he could just leave whenever things get tough and that's a bad partner.
  12. I think you should do the 45 day no contact rule. Take it as time that you're going to use for JUST you. Mentally you can tell yourself it's not forever, and at the end of it you'll talk with her again. And no, she isn't going to forget about you. Give her this time to actually SIT in the breakup that ultimately she caused. Let her see what life is like without you. At the end of the 45 days, talk with her again and if you've noticed a lot of growth maybe you can try again. But it sounds like you're caught in a pretty bad cycle. A tip a friend of mine told me as I'm going throug
  13. Yup...that's my biggest fear is that he'll do it again...
  14. One other thing I guess I would add for clarity is that, whenever I did go and visit him the spark was absolutely still there on both sides. He would clearly look very pained and apologetic saying he's sorry he's acting like this now and that he's really struggling. He said he knew he wanted to be alone while he dealt with all this but still did have strong feelings for me. He described it as a push/pull. Then when I would leave he would just look SO sad and get pretty panicky. Then he would stonewall me for a few days after. There's so much about the whole situation that was extremely abnorma
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