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Everything posted by tjs

  1. She texted me where she put the key, and also this “That was extremely sad and difficult. This hasn’t been easy. Please let me know if there is anything else that I need to do or help with before the end of April.” Guess that’s the end of the story folks. Not sure I should stick around any longer to get blasted while I’m emotional still.
  2. You must have missed that part of the thread. I saw a convo she had with a friend on our computer.
  3. Appreciate you sharing. I’m not going to wait around, even tho her mom wants me to. I can’t. I can’t be stuck in this state forever. I know that it will take a while until I am happy again, and I don’t expect her to have a change of heart anytime soon. Our relationship wasn’t very toxic, I did a poor job of handling her high emotions. As she told her friend, she doesn’t think I deserve this.
  4. How do you know? She has never been the strongest mentally. She struggles with anxiety and mood swings. She has basically become a different person since living with her dads side. Her moms side doesn’t know what is going on with her. Who’s to say when things don’t work out with this guy that she will panic and feel regret?
  5. Hmm, she seemed very indecisive at first. When I pull away, she contacts me. Why do you think this?
  6. A wilting flower? What does that mean?
  7. Yea I told her to text me when she’s done and leave the key in the grill. im so angry today. She blew me off for a coworker after 2 weeks of seduction. She tried to hide it, but I found out. That pretty much guarantees that I can never trust her again, more so because of where she works. Her backup plan blew up. She’ll be back, but I won’t be.
  8. Turns out she isn’t getting her stuff until around 2. I might actually run into them if they don’t move quick. Wonder if her dad knows about her new boyfriend... (kidding)
  9. After she gets her stuff out, part of me just wants to tell her how f’n dumb I must be to ask her to come back after she cheated on me and doesn’t even care or show any regret at all. maybe I can get my balls back after getting that off my chest
  10. Different how? It’s basically just her bed, dresser, desk, and dining table. Really nothing has changed. Those things don’t set off reminders. I already have my brain reminding me constantly lol.
  11. She has a key. There will be no one else here, besides my dog. I believe her dad is coming with her, he has a truck.
  12. Things probably aren’t going well with her boyfriend. It’s up to you on if you want to respond. You said she was manipulative, so tread carefully. Id probably respond without any emotion, and try to get a better idea of what her agenda is. Of course, that is if you would like to hook up with her. It sounds like you still love her. I’m not sure why you would want to have another relationship with her because she sounds toxic, but do what you want. You’ll never know if you don’t respond. Perhaps she just feels guilty.
  13. Yea she is coming to get it on Saturday. I will be at work.
  14. Thank you for your insight guys, it’s good stuff. I’m at a point where I am trying to move forward day by day. Still hurts like hell. I haven’t had many relationships. Basically two five year relationships. This one felt like I met someone that I genuinely loved to conversate with and she was my best friend. I’ve heard that most people only meet 1-3 “unicorns” in their life where being around them and conversation is effortless. It’s hard for me to shake the feeling that I got complacent and I may have lost my unicorn. It’s something that I won’t know for a while. For now I am trying to focus on making myself happy being alone. I understand that this may take a very long time.
  15. Thanks guys. I should’ve just ignored from the start. She hasn’t really told me how she feels throughout any of this. I feel like I should’ve asked her why she feels like she’s on the verge of crying around me. Is it guilt over dumping me? Guilt over cheating and lying? Does she feel hurt by me? I wonder if she thinks to herself that I don’t believe she betrayed me. That night I called her out, she was shook up and breathing heavy. She was on the ropes. Doesn’t feel that way now. I still have questions but when I’m in this state, even though it is better than where I was two weeks ago, it’s not where I need to be when talking to her. I need to shut up. I’m getting things done and working on my body, getting my financials straight, and reading a ton. I still have unanswered questions. I want to know what is going on with her. I assume that’s normal. I assume she is wondering the same, but I keep revealing my cards. She probably is building her relationship and going out with the older guy, but I know she is still emotionally raw. If I could just get a solid answer on that front, I feel like it would allow me to a space where I don’t care if she contacts me ever again.
  16. I suppose the mindset I speak of is that relationships are about giving, and not expecting things in return. I am a logical thinker. I got caught up trying to “win” arguments. My pride blew this up. I shouldn’t have been trying to win arguments ever, rather approach them as a team and make her feel better. I became complacent. I wasn’t keeping myself happy. I was looking to her for happiness. She was looking for me for the same. I wasn’t being the rock. The lockdown took the excitement out of our relationship, and that is not an excuse for what happened. It’s my job to lead and keep things exciting. Things became routine. Our excitement/joy came from going places and experiencing things together. We are two good hearted people. Problem is, she got bored, I became annoyed. Instead of getting instantly annoyed with her when she had an issue with me or wanted me to constantly reassure her, I should have been stronger. I let it get to me. Maybe it would’ve got to me anyway. I don’t know! It’s hard for me to gauge because I’ve only had two long term relationships. She is pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted. We are so much alike. Although I believe that given another chance or in a future relationship, I could keep her happy, I don’t know if I could ever get past the emotional cheating element. I would still like to spend time with her, but how could I forgive her for that enough to trust her with my heart again?
  17. Ok, quick little update. Haven’t talked to you guys in a bit. A few nights after our meetup where I was obviously still weak, she texts me breadcrumbs. I ended up calling her and we talked for about 20 min. I was doing a lot better and was upbeat. Convo was filled with laughs. Did some mild flirting. Asked her to come by on the weekend, she said she had plans, I shrugged it off. Probably a dumb move looking back on it. Oh well, I wanted to show I wasn’t in my feels still. Three days went by NC. She texts me more crumbs about the basketball game. I ignored. Three more days went by (yesterday). She sends more crumbs about the game. I texted her awesome game. She sent a clap emoji. I then asked her if she wanted to come by to watch the game on Sunday. She then wanted to remind me she was coming to get her furniture on Saturday. I didn’t even ask that, but I got the message. NO. The next morning I said, so I take it you’re out. She said “Sorry. I just feel nervous about it. I always feel like i’m on the verge of crying when we are together. I’m just not sure if I am ready to hang out quite yet. I don’t want you to miss out on other plans.” So I’m like screw this, I’m done pursuing. I sent her this. ”Ok, no problem babe, but I’m not interested in being friends or just your text buddy. I wanna spend time with you. How am I gonna be friends with you when I still want you and desire you while also trying to meet the next love of my life? Only get ahold of me if you change your mind, have a good week. Gotta run” I’m never going to contact her first again. I’m not looking back. I’m turning my focus on trying to become a better man. I already set up a date this weekend with someone else. I’m not looking for anything serious at the moment, just trying to have fun. I’d rather go out with someone that values being around me and appreciates my time than someone who blew me off. It still hurts when I think about the times we had together, but I’ve been doing a lot of reading about relationships and how to be a better man. I really had no idea when it came to a lot of the relationship stuff, and I have grown a lot from it mentally. It hurts reading about where I made mistakes, but I had the wrong mindset about what a relationship was, and how women think. What I do know is her insecurities became so overwhelming that it just pissed me off very often. That is something that I don’t believe I can deal with going forward in future relationships. Everything else was great, but that is a dealbreaker.
  18. It’s just too accurate tho! Lol I looked up signs other than mine, and they didn’t resonate with me at all. Yet I started looking at some of my friends and family’s signs and they were spot on. So weird. As for her, it feels like I am letting go already and building up some resentment for what she did. Also that she gave up on our love when I was serious about changing and had been for a couple weeks. The changes weren’t big, and the “silent treatment” thing would be the hardest but I was committed, and she would’ve needed to be aware of her triggers too. She decided to take a leap of faith with this high status guy IMO. And if you are interested Lambert, he is an Aquarius. Not a good match for a cancer lol. Good thing it was before marriage and children, because I was planning on that. I’m admittedly not near 100% yet, but I’m beginning to see a path. Am I sick to want her to come crying back just to reject her? I feel like an idiot for swallowing my pride and apologizing, and showing my pain, making her feel as if she was victimized while I allowed her to continually lie to my face without calling her out. I can tell when she’s lying because it’s the only thing that she tries to expand on further, and it’s not even logical. She was trying to tell me what the texts I saw were, when she doesn’t know what texts I even saw. I should’ve just called her out on that bs. Cancers never want to hurt anybody, and I look back and realize she was trying to get me to break up with her all along. Oh well, would’ve felt good, but probably best to keep it inside for now 😉.
  19. How are so seemingly accurate? I used to think it was bs lol. Kinda creepy. Anyways, time to control my own destiny guys.
  20. Hey guys, she came over Sunday morning to get everything besides furniture. I was watching a movie on the couch. After a bit of packing, she came and sat down across from me to talk. We talked a bit about what we went through in the past month. She noticed I was thinner (lost 20lbs), I told her I had taken the breakup pretty hard for a couple weeks. She said she was eating everything in sight. She said it’s been hard for her too. She said it feels strange moving everything out, I asked her if that’s what she wanted. She paused, then nodded her head, yes. She asked what my plans were for where I would live. Then I asked her. She said she was looking at apartments downtown where she lives (very close to where the guy lives). We talked about things we have been doing to help ourselves. She said working out, walks, friends, family. I told her I have been working out, and reading a lot about how to be more in touch with emotions, and understanding the dynamic between us and why we had arguments that hurt our relationship. Also how to prevent them from being painful, along with how to work through it. I asked her what it was that went wrong. Was it my drive? My lack of help around the house? The emotional connection? Someone else? The arguing? She said it wasn’t drive, or somebody else (likely a lie). She said the guy just made her see things she wasn’t getting and opened her eyes. I said to watch out for people who say things only to get what they want. She said, “I know, gotta watch out for those people”. She said that the grind of everyday for the past year and a half had been draining her physically and emotionally, and it built up some resentment. She said she was afraid to communicate this to me because she thought I wouldn’t compromise. I told her I was willing to uproot my life to move closer to her work. She also said that she simply could no longer take anymore of the silent treatment I gave her when we argued. I didn’t feel like I should push it anymore. She didn’t seem to have much emotion talking to me, except maybe when I was explaining me feelings for her briefly. She came over and we hugged for a minute straight. She finished packing and I helped her with the heavy boxes. She sat down once more and I told her, “so, this is it. Maybe the last time we see each other”. She said, “I wouldn’t say that, I can see us getting together for wings and beer to watch a game”. She also said she would be open to coming by next month to clean the apartment before inspections. We embraced for another minute, then she left. The next day she texted me thanking for helping me move, and that she appreciated that and our conversation. For people who are into zodiac. She is a cancer and I am a Virgo. Been reading a bit on those and they are surprisingly accurate. As for the other guy, he is 19 years older, and I don’t know if she could see her marrying that, but I know when people jump into another relationship after a long one, they try to speed things up to where they were in the past one. We shall see. I was still pretty sad and emotional when she came. I’m probably going to take some time to myself now. I may not have gotten the answers I wanted, but did get the answers I needed. I do still love her deeply and believe that things can work out, knowing what I know now. Likely too little too late. They say cancers don’t usually come back, and once it’s over it’s over. I can see us still being friends, but it would take a lot to build that trust back, on both sides. Never say never, but her love is 100% all in. Someone is going to marry her. Hopefully she looks back on our connection with fondness.
  21. Thank you. What is it that you feel I am doing correctly? I’d like to hear your thoughts and how I should handle it moving forward.
  22. Thanks guys. I’m once again all over the place today. I miss her badly.
  23. Her moms side hasn’t been hearing much from her since this started about a month and a half ago. This is very unusual as they I used to talk everyday. She switched support systems to her dads side. They don’t like that she is staying on dads side. She contacted me because she needs to turn over a truck title that for a vehicle I purchased from her. They were doing all the digging and they were upset in their own. They live me and think it’s inappropriate because of the age gap and they think her stepmom is a terrible ifluence. I told her I don’t want to get involved with any of this because we aren’t together anymore. She can do what she wants. I was adamant about that.
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