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DruggistDoggo

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Everything posted by DruggistDoggo

  1. That's where I wanted her to be straightforward - Holy sounding reasons only add confusion, especially when it's not felt on both sides, isn't lined up with scripture, etc. Family Conflict - I get along with family on both sides, yet Mom is passive aggressive and a bit sparky. On and off living with rents depending on where I'm called for work. The conflict is more on her being passive aggressive or rude about something, and then I'll pull back as not to cause a huge blow-up, since she'll either get defensive, more passive aggressive or attack verbally.
  2. I agree - I think the dealbreakers being mentioned was the turning point. Unfortunately I thought it was wise to seek other council, take a few days to pray/process and then come back... Would have been probably better to just work it out together over a few days.
  3. Absolutely. The initiating needs to be completely from her. From my understanding it's once both people have moved on, time and space has been given. Even in that, it's not guaranteed. Yes - Delight in the Lord in all ways, for He knows the true desires of our heart. That's my focus, on Him, His direction. I'll be honest, how C has presented this did make me confused on how the Spirit works and why He would separate us. I find it hard to believe "it's God" and moreso think it's her.
  4. Thank you for the wisdom and perspective. I agree - based on how she's approaching this, and from what others have said... it's done. No talk of actively working it out, cordial conversation, no initiating. Forum - I feel that this is all on me. While I did inquire about timelines with her Dad, I thought pre-engagement sessions were OK. Our plan was engagement at one year, then a short period for final red flag checks. This felt intentional, directional and not too pressuring based on C's thoughts. How I handle conflict was unaware to me, yet when she brought it up I practice
  5. Thanks for the clarity - I didn't realize I was pushing it so strongly. He asked to date for at least a year, and so, C and I agreed to that. Not sure where I come off with ignoring his warning, more so, heeding it. Back up and slow it down. You think this is done and done? Or we could slow it down and patch it up?
  6. Ok Seraphim - I've left it on her end to reach out if and when she feels like it. If it's incompatibility, there's nothing to work through. Although...She did note that it wasn't family focused issues. That this feeling she senses was different and she knew she could work through the family stuff. I'll move on and let this go. Please keep her and I in prayer.
  7. Fair enough - Do you feel that if C and I talk again, this is something we can discuss? I feel my time investment with family and reflection of this past relationship changes how I'd approach it moving forward.
  8. Right, so clearly drawing boundaries between family and potential spouse. Urgh, seems like an expensive lesson to learn for something that I feel is feasible to work on while dating.
  9. Really? Too bad she didn't bring that up...I would have gladly looked at timelines differently. I thought I was being intentional. Getting an idea of how he wants me to date his daughter, timelines, and working with them.
  10. How do I work this out for future partners? This whole situation had made me feel cursed... I didn't choose my family. I choose how I want to be as a husband, the values to uphold, and navigating that with a partner. Almost seems like because of family, a well-grounded, attractive, kind hearted Christian woman is out of the picture.
  11. Ah I see - that's pretty sad 😞 I was convinced we were a solid couple and set up for marriage. Similar hobbies, outlook on life, direction, and quality of time spent together. Incompatibility seems off but there's really nothing else. Moving on, is this 100% dead? Give it time and space to see what happens?
  12. Ouch - I didn't take her as dishonest, manipulative.
  13. It absolutely could be! My hesitancy is based on how our times were together, our values, outside perceptions of our relationship and what she is saying. Absolutely disappointed. She's mature, intelligent, stunningly attractive, heartwarming, honest, and rustic living like myself. We seemed like a solid match
  14. Intentionally or unintentionally? Her getting counselling seems like there is something deep rooted on her end...
  15. Could be - When we last talked via video, I set her up to rip the bandaid off. Be real, honest, and state the underlying factor. Her response: Holy Spirit conviction. If she knew what it was, she'd tell me and work it out together. If anything it's that she thinks I'll bring this behavior into marriage with her, and she'd be subject to the same behavior she witnessed to my Mom. Hard to convince her that wouldn't be the case...
  16. Really hey? Can you share why? I felt we were a solid team, as did her family, friends and church community. We had amazing quality time, engaging conversation, hobbies, and connected on a companionship level (e.g. Doing our Christmas Tree dance in the driveway we made up as I headed home blasting Happiest Christmas Tree song). Never connected like that in my long term relationships. There was a deep rooted connection which stretched further than superficial love, based on quality time, interests and life values. I think this time in singleness will be helpful to fortify my independ
  17. Honestly Jibralta, that was the only tension point in our relationship. This whole thing imploded when I brought it up in January to ensure we had resolved it. I absolutely so choose to work on this dynamic. I took a month vacation to spend it with family, with them this month. Been engaging them more in conversation, being more active then present, and when heated topic arise I don't shy away.
  18. Thanks for the reality check- I'm stunned by the drastic change in her position over 2 weeks and how it's straight up from her end. Hard to believe there isn't any opportunity to work it out on both ends. Council was confused due to her decision, lack of red flags, and the family concerns being more yellow flags or discussion points for us to work through. She went in assuming that I'd treat her the same way and that these were red flags. Their approach was to be careful, inquire and then go from there. Since the breakup, they've supported her discernment from the Holy Spirit. I am
  19. Ouch - Really feels like I f'ed it up then. I'm upset that C didn't bring it up earlier, or was willing to work alongside through this. I thought I had handled her concerns with seriousness and desire to resolve them. Even now, with the month breakup spending time with family and working through the dynamics together.
  20. Conflict: Only with Mom, she would say something passive aggressive and I would withdraw which created distance between us all. For example, she'd get angry I didn't read a text message and grab medication while grocery shopping, and then storm out to go do it. In response, I'd be pulled back for a period of time. Outside of my Mom, I handle conflict with patients, friends, life differently. It's the passive aggressiveness and defensiveness that makes me tackle it differently with Mom. I've shown through this that I haven't given her cold distance nor done nothing about family relat
  21. Thanks for the advice - I can see where there isn't enough space given. She seemed on the same page with engagement and marriage being intentional. She is quite spiritual/faith based. Yet this did come on quite suddenly, 2 weeks. Do you feel time, space and distance can help in reconciling here? It's all so confusing...
  22. Update Reached out on Ash Wednesday. "Happy Ash Wednesday! Free for a call C?" Her reply: "Good Morning! Yes, Ash Wednesday- may it be a meaningful one for you Chris! Cannot believe it’s already Lent! Thanks for reaching out. My counsellor has recommended that I take some time and space to reflect, and dedicate time in solitude to thought and prayer. I fall within that time right now. Can we reconvene when I’m done the fast? 8 days remaining." My final reply: "Sure C - If and when you want to initiate, give me a shout"
  23. Hello All, Thought I'd share my testimony of a challenging, trialing situation. Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and how to navigate this. Will share the details below. Relationship C (24F) and I (27M) dated for 7 months, after talking for one month online. Both strong in our faith and walk. She's a nurse, I'm a pharmacist. We had an engaging relationship, focused on God (prayer, scripture reading, church, etc.). We'd talk daily and pray every evening together. In addition we did numerous overnight hikes with Church Community, learned to scuba dive, and attend
  24. Update - Reached out on Ash Wednesday. "Happy Ash Wednesday! Free for a call C?" Her reply: "Good Morning! Yes, Ash Wednesday- may it be a meaningful one for you Chris! Cannot believe it’s already Lent! Thanks for reaching out. My counsellor has recommended that I take some time and space to reflect, and dedicate time in solitude to thought and prayer. I fall within that time right now. Can we reconvene when I’m done the fast? 8 days remaining." My final reply: "Sure C - If and when you want to initiate, give me a shout"
  25. Hello All, Thought I'd share my testimony of a challenging, trialing situation. Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and how to navigate this. Will share the details below. Relationship C (24F) and I (27M) dated for 7 months, after talking for one month online. Both strong in our faith and walk. She's a nurse, I'm a pharmacist. We had an engaging relationship, focused on God (prayer, scripture reading, church, etc.). We'd talk daily and pray every evening together. In addition we did numerous overnight hikes with Church Community, learned to scuba dive, and attend
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