HappilyMarried1

This is so true and if she does change and want to start having more sex it is not going to be with him probably.

So sorry @David061it sounds like as @lostandhurtsaid she has had at least 6 EA's that you now about and probably more. If any of these guys are with a 6 hour drive or so I would say there is a good chance it has been physical. I would ask her how could she expect you to believe her she has already lied to you multiple times throughout your marriage. What do you know about the pictures she sent to the men were any of them nudes? I would tell her that these guys could put them on the web for everyone to see. She has told you 3 or 4 times she is sorry and will quit and has not why do you think she will now? I don't see it happening personally. Do you guys have any kids together? Best of luck!

Look @Rosthis may sound harsh but if you truly care for your husband and your two kids that make up your family more than you have shown for the past 12 years(more than half) of your marriage. Just divorce him and say you just don't feel the same way and want to move on. It still amazes me how people come on here and the first sentence they say is I am married to a wonderful man/woman. Then in the next sentence like you I have been having an affair for 12 years. Unreal! A couple of questions @Rosif you don't mind. I assume the 12 year affair is with the same guy? Hopefully you are not adding insult to injury and having multiple men. If it is the same man, why have you guys not moved in together or married? Let me guess he is married as well or he does not make as much as your husband and you don't want to change your lifestyle. The old "have your cake and eat it too". But seriously please just divorce your husband quietly and move on with your lover or just on your own but don't tell him and your kids now that you lied and deceived them and took time away from them for most of your kids life and over half of your husband's married life. It is evident after 12 years you are not going to stop your affair and focus on as you say "wonderful man" or hurt your children.

I hope @crispyapples_is not a "one and done". I agree with what most have said. If it bothers you I think you did the correct thing letting him know how you feel outside of the bedroom. Hopefully this will take care of your issue, If it is actually for the reason he gave you it should be the end of it now that he knows how you feel about it. If he still continues to do this he does want it to be more than a fantasy I think. He if you feel comfortable about it throw it back at him and you start talking about a threesome that would include him and you and another man. lol Does he have a brother or maybe an old ex of yours or one of his friends and see how it likes it. Then if he gets upset you can say it was just a fantasy and is nothing more. If he does not work you night try and turn the tables on him or move on. Hopefully he takes your feelings into account and it stops. Best of luck!

This is interesting, first of all he was for sure hitting on you. I enjoy steam rooms as well it feels really good especially in the winter time. What I find as interesting is in my city where I live there are 3 or 4 places that have nice steam rooms and they are all separated one for women and another one for guys.

Best of luck. I was only trying to help it looks like by a bunch of your previous post that you seemed to have trust issues and in your post you suspect he could be unfaithful for several years. The suggestion of a PI (especially if you are so busy) would get you definitive evidence fairly quickly without much effort on your part. I guess if you are not truly that worried you can continue on like you have for the last several years and maybe find out some day.

Hey @Loralora I went back and read several of your post. Is this man (your husband) the doctor you posted about in the past? If so you both are doctors correct? It seems from your other threads you have had a trust issue with your husband since you guys were engaged. It seems there has been a lot of smoke and that usually means fire. If you are both that doctors and well off and you think he may be acting suspicious then look into hiring a PI to prove your suspicions or not. Put a VAR and a GPS in his car. There may actually be a reason that you do not have much sex and why he doesn't complain about it. Best of luck!

Hey @nothotmanI think you deep down really know what you have to do. I think you are here just wanting validation for it. She knows how you feel about it and has known for a long time yet she continues to do so. She has no respect for you and your relationship or she would not continue to do this. If you really want to continue to try this you are going to have to show some tough love if she doesn't want to do each of these things she must pack up and leave. 1) She has to give access to all of her communication at all times. 2) She no longer goes out alone with other black men. 3) Any other things and assurances you need for your relationship. I personally don't think she will ever change and could possibly have a sexual addiction. Best of luck!

@Meeee Sorry you are feeling this way. A question so this just happened that he was there last week? Is he back home now? If he is instead of driving yourself crazy with thoughts I think you need to sit him down and point blank ask him if there is something going on whether a EA or PA or both? Explain to him how you feel the way that you do and ask him why he lied about seeing her or going to be around her if there was nothing going on to hide. Ask him how he would feel you went to a college friend that was a male alone and went to their house and showed and went to a pub with them. I think you need to make it plain you don't approve of this in that type of sitting. If nothing is truly going on he should apologize and agree to not allow it to happen again. Best of luck!

Just remember just because you were have issues communicating that did not give her a reason to begin a EA with another man. She should have focused on her marriage and go looking for something from someone else.

You need to come back to her that you had no problem with her starting this and remind her that you encouraged it. Make sure that you are firm that she is the one that has caused this issue. She is the one that crossed the line from just friends to having an emotional affair and that she was even trying to meet him in person and possibly going into a physical affair. That you had no problem with her gaming and developing new friendships with both male and female. However, she is the one that caused this and ask her how she would feel if it was the other way around and how she would if wanted to still talk with a women that you admitted to having an EA with and was trying to meet with. Also, if you had admitted to having an EA with a woman and refused to let her see or have access to the communication to the AP what would she think? I think this has to be cut off with no debate if you want your marriage to work. imo I wish you the best of luck!