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CrushedWife

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  1. According to his porn searches he did not have ED that was fabricated. As I work in I.T. I did a complete forensic search of his computer in case he was having an affair. He was on dating sites, flirting lightly on Facebook and other shady behavior also. As for the daily sex, it started because it had been forever, and it just keeps going. I do speak to a counselor every two weeks, but I don't find it therapeutic. He won't do counseling. I guess I have to weigh the lies and deceit against the effort he is putting into the marriage now, and as I don't want to be married to a lying porn addict, he is going to have to prove that he can abstain also. I guess I just wanted an opinion from someone who isn't in this situation. If you go to betrayal trauma groups, it's all gloom and doom about it being like heroine and no one recovers. If you go to scientific sites, they don't have a lot of data so I'm not even sure where they are getting that from. If you ask guys, they will defend porn to their last breath. I honestly don't know why you can't just rub one off without it. I did it for ten years.
  2. I have been with my husband for 27 years. During our marriage I knew he was looking at porn once in a while, but I'm attractive and I had great self esteem so I didn't really care. He had reassured me it was a poor substitute for sex. I work in I.T. and unfortunately I had to work in a porn complaint department, and I've seen every horrid type of child porn and human trafficking cases you can imagine. This hardened my views on porn significantly. Please don't tell me its normal and healthy, because I still have nightmares 20 years later. Fast forward to ten years ago. My husband got obese and said he had E.D. sex dried up to near nothing. Nothing at all. Imagine my surprise in finding his porn searches a few months back. I have trust issues from a Narcissistic mother and two sexual assaults. I trusted him and he lied his ass off, manipulated me, and I feel the whole marriage was a lie. He has quit and wants to work things out. I have a huge sex drive and going without sex while he was looking at porn, crying myself to sleep from loneliness, etc. was absolutely heartbreaking. How does one get over this? I feel absolutely crushed. I feel hideously old and ugly. I've lost so much weight my mom is freaking out. My husband doesn't want to talk about it anymore and will just say he had a problem and corrected it. At least I am getting sex daily, but since I was the one who found tge porn and made him quit I feel like I am making him have sex. I know that's crazy, I still get hit on by men but that's how I feel. If I hadn't found out he never would have quit. How the hell am I supposed to go through life like nothing is wrong?
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