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lovingmyselfnow

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  1. Yeah and I was very tired at the time due to my chronic illness, and it's hard for me to think when I'm that tired. I get very emotional, very easily. Maybe I'm looking for things to go wrong because I'm terrified of being in love and being hurt again. I just broke up with my fiancee 6 months ago.
  2. Thank you!!!!! This is such a great answer!!! And I have made a lot of these steps already so I'm glad to know I'm on the right path. I think I'm just still a bit easily-swayed and doubtful of myself, but I'm hoping that with more time working on these things that that will become more solid. Thank you again!!!
  3. That actually does make a lot of sense what you are saying about the unrealistic standards. I do have a tendency to want everything to be perfect all the time. That is probably why I'm always disappointed. Thank you for giving me real advice instead of just telling me that I'm an idiot for rushing. Maybe I should try starting over but this time move much more slowly...
  4. it's hard to give all the details of our exchange at once, but he definitely said he was going to spend the whole night with me if things went well while we were talking during the day. It doesn't change the fact either that he confused me with someone else, chose to go see someone else that night knowing that I came there to see him, and he also spelled my name wrong when he tried to apologize to me.
  5. Yes he did reach out the next day and try to say it was just a misunderstanding. That he didn't realize we were going to have sex right before curfew, he thought we were just going to hang out outside (because that's what I told him at first, but I have narcolepsy and was so tired that I had to go back to my hotel) and he didn't want to spend the night because he "didn't want to rush things". Great logic... In my experience, if a man really likes you he will find any way to stay with you. So of course, I told him the answer is still no. I know I'm better off without him but it still hurts to much. Feel like I will never trust again, but I guess that's probably a good thing since that's how I got into this situation. I know what's important to me, and I have lots of hobbies that I'm passionate about. I guess I just feel like, what's the point if there's no one to share it with? I want to be satisfied with just my own company. I want to be able to say to myself, "Yes, I may spend the rest of my life totally alone and that's okay. I may never find the man I want and that's okay." But when I say those things I feel so scared and sad, like what's the point of life if I have to be alone?
  6. You're right, I let my loneliness get the best of me and rushed too fast. I'm normally not like that but he just seemed so perfect.
  7. Yeah I'm sticking to myself for the foreseeable future for sure. I'm at rock bottom and it sucks that what it took for me to learn it's better to be alone. Just hurting anyway. Thank you for being here for me during this difficult time.
  8. Yes it was my dream but everything has gone since I arrived. I guess I need to admit it was a mistake and cut my losses and move on. My dream was to learn a new language and get free healthcare but I don't think those things are worth this much pain anymore. I guess I have to admit I will need to take a couple steps back in order to move forward to something better now.
  9. very true. I am glad that he revealed his true self quickly rather than later when I was more attached. I am trying to remind myself that this is not the end but just a blip on the radar. Thank you so much for your kind words and not just telling me I'm an idiot for trusting him.
  10. Yes I have my dog. He helps keep me sane for sure. I writing a book and I can do that with my injury. I'm trying so hard to stay busy, I also draw and dance (can't dance with my injury either). I think I will try therapy too and just work on myself for awhile.
  11. yeah I've been seriously considering going to a therapist so I can figure out why I'm attracted to immature guys. Unfortunately I moved to a new country and don't know the language well so that is adding to my loneliness. I'm thinking of returning home so I can get a therapist in English and work on myself. It makes me feel like I'm giving up on my dreams though.
  12. Absolutely. I can't even seek male companionship right now if I wanted to because it's so painful. I downloaded some self-help books today about loving myself. Maybe I just need more time to get there.
  13. To be honest, I don't even really regret having sex with him because I wanted to have sex. It just hurts that he acted like he was gonna stick around and then didn't. If he had told me that he just wanted to have sex, I wouldn't even care and I would've known to just have fun for the night. I'm alright with casual sex, I'm not alright with being lied to. But yeah, the red flags were all there and I ignored them. I do have hobbies, and I'm writing a book that I'm really proud of, but somehow I still don't like being alone. How can I just enjoy my own company?
  14. I am 32 and have been in a lot of relationships. I wasn't serious for a long time but I'm looking to settle down now. I do have big passions that I pursue and I try to just focus on those. I have lost most of my friends when I decided to start loving myself. Many of them just came to me when they needed something and were never there for me or even tried to make me feel bad. So I'm in a weird spot where the only person I trust is my dad right now. I'm also injured too so I can't do my craft. I want to learn how to be happy regardless of whether I'm injured, alone, or even if I suddenly went blind one day. How did you learn to be okay with it?
  15. The other thing that I noticed with him is that he kept insisting he had sent me videos that he never did. He was confusing me with another girl he's talking to. So I'm convinced that he raced off to meet another girl for the night.
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