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Twisted Fate

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  1. Its hard but people can change. Some people have addictions and are able to work through those and be a better person and sometimes that change comes from the one they love leaving. I can attest to this as I changed some of my behaviors that negatively impacted my relationship and have no desire to do those things any longer as I know how they can negatively impact what I want most. So to answer that question, yes, he could've changed and they only way you would really find out is to give it another shot. The second part of this is what lead to this behavior and are those issues be
  2. I think you're right about this. Also correct. I feel that it was "special" as it was thoughtful and not just some meaningless thing. She said that they were friends mainly but she could've seen something more there but didn't want a relationship at the time, that it was mainly just going to be some kind of friends with benefits thing but she backed out of it after they slept together. Yes, I am not sure why it is easier for me to accept that. I guess because I knew my feelings and knew I wanted to work things out when I don't think she did, but in the end, I've got to
  3. This is really what its about. I guess I really do have to decide what I want, and that's to try to work it out. I really do want that and like you said above, I do have all these things that are reasons to keep me there and try. I'm going to choose to work it out, to try, to let go of the past. I'm going to ask the counselor about the canvas, maybe, or maybe I just decide its unimportant. I think the thought of anything from this time period lingering around bothers me. Its hard for me to let go of this past hurt because it cut so deep but you're right in the fact that I need to give it my al
  4. Do you actually want to move on? Why did you break up to begin with? Sounds like you are still into him and he is still into you so if you want to get back together then I think it could happen, yes. I would explore why you broke up in the first place and what exactly you miss about the relationship. Its fine to admit a mistake and try again if you both feel that I way. You also don't have to jump right back into a relationship, you can take it slow and start hanging out again and see how things go.
  5. @SooSad33 Thank you for the positive encouragement!
  6. Maybe, maybe not. Could be over for the time being but if it was truly over the number would be gone. As most have said, at the very least he seems to be keeping the option open for future communication, at the most he is still in active contact. No way for us to know for sure, but it would be highly unlikely for him to keep the number if he was committed to the relationship with you. It should've been the first thing to go. Ask him about the number and gauge his response.
  7. This sounds like a good idea. Just some way to get it off my chest. I honestly feel embarrassed to speak to my friends about it because I don't think I would advise any of my friends that it is a good idea to try to work things out and some of the things that happened make me ashamed of our relationship. I hope not. I know I've spoken a great deal about the negatives here but there are some great positives. When she is committed, I do feel like she is truly committed and she is a partner in the sense of putting in the work into the everyday things and she does make me feel loved. I do
  8. I asked for a divorce, but honestly I don't even think I wanted a divorce, I just wanted to be able to talk to her and her listen without it going sideways but it did and I asked. I went too far there. She said she was already checked out and had been for months, so when I asked she went with it. Things lined up for her to move out and she did. I tried to backpeddle and said that I messed up and shouldnt have asked but she was full force on leaving and was not willing to work on things at all. No counseling, no splitting but staying connected or trying to date, nothing, she was done. Y
  9. I am trying, its just such a deep wound that its hard for me to get over. I know its effecting our now relationship and its something I need to work on I'm just not sure how. I was so hurt for so long and she definitely did some things on purpose to hurt me.
  10. I love her, life without her was pretty miserable and she's not like this all the time. When we were married it was maybe 2-3 times a year we would have a fight and it would get bad like this. She has started on a medication. In fact, she said a few weeks after starting the medication is when she started being able to think about us getting back together. She will be starting her first individual counseling session this week and has talked about checking herself in somewhere. I know this isn't normal. She has issues she needs to address but as her spouse I feel that I need to b
  11. Yes the last two couples counseling sessions we have talked about it. My wife wants to not talk about the past at all and I want to discuss it and try to move forward because I don't want to have secrets or lies between us. I think this was an issue for me because she kept lying about what happened even after saying she wouldnt lie any more. She says its hard for her to be truthful and it hurts for her even when the details dont really matter. No, we are not in communication with individuals that we slept or dated during the separation. She had 2 facebooks and on one of them she was s
  12. I feel that I did resolve alot of the issues on my side that caused the separation. Currently, its letting go of the separation period that is causing me issue. I think many of the issues I had with her are still there and tied to her coping skills and how she handles things. Sometimes this does appear better but can still come up. I dont feel like I can bring anything up without it escalating to nuclear proportions. She says she feels like she isnt good enough or that I dont want her and that she wants to die. She has outbursts like trying to grab a gun or physically hit me. I want to be able
  13. I do realize that I need to work on reconnecting with my wife and I don't feel resentful that I need to do that. I guess I do feel like she had cause to leave and I had tried to reconcile at that time but she had already started talking with her ex the day after we had a fight. I guess I feel like I did do alot and am not blaming her for leaving but for introducing other people and not being willing to fight for us. I apologize, I am not trying to deflect. I fully accept my responsibility to the cause of our marriage troubles and I have tried to work on those to the best of my ability
  14. I think we have and are trying to work on things that broke us apart, its just the fact that I am having a hard time letting go of this separation period. Agreed, which is why I am seeking advice on what I can do to move forward. Its difficult for me and I feel very hurt from this time period and I do think I have used it to ill effect and I need to try to move forward but how do I do that? I can decide to then something from the past crops up and I am right back in the same spot.
  15. I played video games that took too much of my time away from her and our family. She said she didnt feel wanted. I don't play video games any more.
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