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Twisted Fate

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  1. Sounds like it’s not as serious of a relationship to her. I don’t see the benefit to the relationship for her to date other people and if she is needing to do this then maybe it’s best to do it while not together.
  2. I would think it hypocritical if I didn’t want her and she dated and I held that against her but that’s not what happened. She had the option to work on us, I did not. That’s the difference, at least how I feel it. I never chose to be with someone else over working things out with my wife, she did in fact choose to be with others instead of working things out. That’s why it bothers me.
  3. Not really, she did a lot in the beginning but she was able to live past it. I, unfortunately, am having a harder time
  4. I did and I guess the difference at least in my head was that I didn’t want to, I just wasn’t given the option to be with my wife and she was with someone else. At that point, I just felt dumb and disgraced to sit there and wallow in self pity so I did date on and off during the separation, but it was never what I would’ve picked given the choice
  5. Great trick, going to try use this! I really do hope so!!
  6. It doesn't feel right now but feelings change. You say she is really great but want to end things without really having a reason. I would look at why you would want to end things. Is it the pressure of commitment? Do you feel you are too young to settle down? Look forward a little bit and think about what life would look like with her in it vs without. Where are you happiest? Would you be resentful staying with her or regretful for leaving? Ultimately, if you are just not into the relationship, then its best for both of you if you move on.
  7. Yah, she moved in, is dependent on you and has low libido??? Seems this is not what you signed up for or really what anyone would sign up for. I think its fine to ask her to work things out with her sisters and move back there. I don't think its a betrayal as you never intended it to be permanent.
  8. I don't think we could communicate about any issues. She didn't feel wanted is what she said. I feel like there was alot of room for improvement on my end but that I did do things for both us and our family and tried to cut out special time to spend with just us or doing things with our kids. It is intimidating. She said she just wanted to feel wanted and that her husband didn't want her. I did want her though. I tried my best to express this but she was checked out and didn't believe or care I guess after the fight. I did ask her for us to stay connected, to live apart for a bit if that's what she needed but maybe try dating or going to counseling but she wasn't receptive at the time. I feel that she chose these men over working things out and that's what hurts. What were they to her except not me. She said that they didnt mean anything to her but she told some of them that she loved them. I guess I feel like these other people were put in front of me and I never did that to her. I always wanted to be with her and had she asked to come back I wouldve dropped the person I was seeing in a heartbeat. So, maybe I wonder where I really stand with her. She expresses this love but is this what she expressed to them? I think sometimes she just wants to be wanted by anyone and I could easily be substituted for anyone else.
  9. Yes, she moved back into the house first of April. We are going to counseling once a week alternating between couples and individual. She has mentioned that I am a different person. I don't feel that I am that different but she says everything is different and that I am what she had always wanted before. She also said that she wouldn't leave again. She said even if I started back gaming she wasn't leaving. I told her she didn't have to worry about that.
  10. I'm not trying to deflect. I take responsibility for what I did. The marriage wasn't perfect outside of the gaming and there were issues that lead me to asking for the divorce in the first place and reasons I kept gaming. But let me be clear, I shouldn't have asked for the divorce and I shouldn't have been gaming and these were both very poor decisions and coping mechanisms from me and I fully realize and accept that. I'm am trying to refocus because my issues don't come from the gaming or asking for the divorce, I imagine if my wife were on here then that would be what she would be focused on. What is preventing me from embracing the current situation is that she choose to leave and introduce people into the mix. Had she just left and not slept with other people or we had a trial separation or was willing to go to counseling or a myriad of other scenarios, I wouldn't be here with this anxiousness. As it is, I'm having panic attacks daily and am unable to be the person I need to be in this relationship because of these other men and what I am trying to find is some good advice on how to better handle the situation, accept it, be in the present, and not feel like I'm having a heart attack. Maybe this is true. I don't know. I do know that I didn't want her to leave and she did. Maybe it was her being serious about leaving that really opened my eyes. I don't know. There were a great deal of other issues outside the gaming during the marriage and I was frustrated and didn't know how to properly communicate. Whenever we tried to talk about anything that might be bothering me it lead to a full out nuclear war so I just generally avoided talking about things.
  11. Agreed, don't need a perfect "moment". Make your own moment, talk to her and lead the conversation to asking her out.
  12. Sorry, this isn't true and that's my fault for not explaining it better. I asked for the divorce and tried to back out of that the next day. I didn't know about any other guy or anything going on. It was an argument, it got heated and I went too far and tried to take it back but damage done I guess. I wanted her back from the beginning and I don't think of her as a possession. I did lose control and said something I didn't mean at a point of frustration and anger and yes it bit me in the ass and yes I'm having a hard time getting over it.
  13. I stopped the game shortly after she left. Sorry if I was unclear. I don't game anymore, like at all. I realized my wife and family was more important to me. Before she left, I took her the computer and said we could move it or place it out for the trash man for all I cared, that I only wanted her and our family. She left anyway. I think her having gone seen her ex had a great deal to do with this. When I said I want to let it go, I'm speaking to the anxiousness that she slept around while we were separated. She did some pretty mean and spiteful things during that time period outside of this as well.
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