Unsure2021

Your friend sounds narcissistic and you’re very empathetic and considerate. Total mismatch and he won’t change. People rarely do because we ask them. Instead stand up for yourself and your needs by making like-minded friends who don’t drain you. You deserve better.

Sorry to say but your gf has likely been cheating on you with this woman for a while, emotionally, if not physically. I would not take her claim that this woman is not interested in her at face value. If she rejected her, as she says, why is this ‘friend’ still going camping solo with her and why is she spending time nurturing a potential affair? Your gf’s disregard of your feelings and inappropriate cheating behaviour should be enough for you to move on and date someone else.

This sounds like a sugarbaby-lite type arrangement to me. It doesn’t otherwise make sense to buy friendship, unless you are severely socially handicapped. Is she very attractive or much younger than you, to the point that you would have a hard time finding such a ‘friend’ in real life? If so, it’s easy to blur the lines and have outsized expectations. It sounds like she initially showed some personal interest in you, which maybe made you think it’s not just the money she’s interested in. Did she not display the expected level of interest in you this past trip? You sound put off and I doubt it’s the money. If you’re paying someone to spend time with you, be clear and realistic with your intentions and expectations and ensure the other person can meet them. She sounds strapped for cash and working three jobs, she is only in it for the money, whether it be cash or paid meals.

I agree with you that this feels off. If he were truly embarrassed about this, as he claims, he would have changed his cell phone plan a lot sooner. Two years is a long time to maintain financial ties to an ex. I should know, as I’m divorced. Give him a couple weeks to get this sorted. If he doesn’t follow through, that tells you he’s not sincere. Listen to your gut and always look at what people do, not what they say. You have nothing to apologize for here.

What a horrible discovery. I’m so sorry OP! Goes to show we rarely truly know who someone is. Give yourself big props for listening to your gut and checking for yourself. Never feel guilty about protecting yourself, especially when the other person is clearly deceptive, promising one thing and not delivering or communicating. This may also save your life, as unfortunately this man is likely gay (the only man I know who actively searched and watched gay porn more than once is gay). He may be engaging in gay sex, which is very high risk unprotected, and that may be also the reason he doesn’t seek you out for sex or loses his erection during the act. I would definitely not marry this man and put an end to the relationship as he is not who he claims to be. Also, even if he weren’t gay (big if), people’s sexual habits rarely change so even if he makes promises, he will likely continue to not deliver and waste your time. You deserve much better.

OP, you seem pretty self-aware and I don’t think you’re necessarily childish but maybe disappointed. This feeling can make us feel sad and even if logically you know it makes no sense, your feelings don’t need to make sense. Just listen to them and accept them. It’s normal to be disappointed when someone’s actions reveal to us that we may not know them as well as we thought or that maybe their feelings for us weren’t that deep. You obviously care a lot about this woman and it seems she moved on a bit quicker than you, or was a bit more experimental. This may also have to do with her condition. Maybe you feel gypped and like you lost out a bit sexually, and have some fomo. If it continues to bother you, try writing down why. What are you making it mean? Is this extra sex partner a symbol of an imbalance in the relationship for you or are you looking for something to sabotage this otherwise ‘perfect’ relationship? A therapist may also help. Try and relax and enjoy your relationship.

What was the nature of the texts and phone calls you shared with this woman? Were they mostly church related or personal exchanges? If they were mostly about church and she didn’t express excitement about meeting you, specifically, in person, I would be very cautious about revealing your intentions. You’ll likely make her uncomfortable and lead her to avoid you. I noticed a lot of men attending all sorts of events, talking to friendly women about the topic at hand and getting romantic ideas. It’s put me off attending meetups and other gatherings because a bunch of men kept asking me out, when I was just interested in the group activity. Now I only attend women-only events, to avoid this. This woman may not be into you or even into dating, which is totally fine, and should be respected. Be friendly and polite but if you sense she’s not interested in you, move on.

Am I to understand that you’re a 44 year old virgin? If so, I completely understand your concerns, but what has led to this and what are you doing to meet your sexual needs?

What romantic things are you yet to experience? I have a feeling this is the important part.

Lol you should put up a pic Tiny, you may have a shot 😉

If you were serious about moving, you would consider these states with plenty of women. Is it the political leanings (i.e democrat) of these states that make you think you’d hate it there? If you work from home now, can you move there temporarily to get a feel for the place? I know moving isn’t easy, as I’ve done it myself, all alone, with no family or friends. But I know that when we want something badly enough, we stop making excuses and do whatever’s necessary to chase our dreams. Best of luck, whichever way you go.

You sound really desperate and deciding to marry someone from this place of fear/desperation is likely a bad idea. I would suggest you keep looking for jobs anywhere in the US or even Canada, not just the few states you mentioned. You may not find the exact same job but if it’s similar and in a state that allows you to meet more women and still cover your financial needs, it will likely be worth it. You’re clinging onto this woman as if she’s your last hope for a relationship and that is not true. You seem to be convinced that you can’t find anyone else in your current circumstances, but I suggest you examine that very closely. There are matchmaking services out there and many areas where you could relocate to. It may be tempting to take on a readymade family like this, but the relationship is already rocky and she’ll likely leave you as soon as she gets permanent residency. What does your gut tell you?