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  1. @abitbrokenI'm not 100% clear on the specifics (my wife would know a lot more than me since she deals directly with this), but I believe there's a differentiation between knowing that she normally has an N day cycle and actually tracking it (whether that be on an app or paper and pencil). @JibraltaI totally agree with you, that I need to work on my comfort level discussing this with my wife. I absolutely love @LunarUK's suggestion and having a start with the actual questions he/she posed is really helpful. And thank you for the kind words too! Orthodox culture can be very insular a
  2. @Wiseman2I think that's a good idea. @abitbrokenThe halacha [law] is what it is; you follow it if you want to stay in the community and believe in the religion. Tracking menstrual cycles is a definite no, since there's laws that if it's tracked like that she will always become in a state of niddah [impurity] at that time period no matter if she had a period or not (because it's assumed). The other forms of birth control she tried made her bleed constantly (months in a row even with pretty consistent communication with an OGBYN), which would mean no touching, ever. So this is really the on
  3. @Wiseman2It wasn't an arranged marriage; we met in college, had similar religious values, and the relationship grew from there. And arranged marriages aren't as much of a thing in the more modern circles of Orthodoxy; generally you'll go to a shadchun (matchmaker) and then go on a few dates with a person before committing (pending both people liking each other). I don't think insecurity in terms of beauty is an issue. We haven't really talked about sex much at all, and it feels extremely awkward to me when it it mentioned. It wasn't allowed for so long, and talking about it seems hon
  4. @abitbrokenWe want kids eventually, but not at the moment. Hence the IUD. IUD/pill/etc is the only form of permissible birth control, and even that is controversial in that some rabbis don't allow it. And while some rabbis may give full permission about certain things, that definitely doesn't hold in the Orthodox realm. Hugging and such definitely isn't allowed prior to marriage, and also during the two or so weeks after a period. If anyone's interested, here's a few links that explain the restrictions a lot clearer than I can: Prohibitions while a woman is on her period: http
  5. @Capricorn3People within my community generally do figure out how to navigate this type of situation (we haven't ceased to exist, after all :) ). I'm way more on the side of wanting to make my wife happy over remedying my own issues and I really, really dislike conflict. That sex was a taboo topic in my family and community growing up (much more so than my in my wife's family and community) just adds to the struggle with how to bring it up to her. Otherwise, we generally communicate decently. We are allowed to have marriage counseling (it's recommended even) and there are even sex therapists w
  6. @LunarUKThis sounds like a good plan, I'll have to pluck up the courage to go through with it! :) @Capricorn3 Orthodox Judaism. There's also a restriction that you can't have any physical contact at all during the 12-14 days after your wife gets her period each time she gets her period, which will suck, but that currently hasn't been an issue since my wife got her IUD. I was euphemistically referring to masturbation by "going solo"; that is not allowed before or after marriage, although I've struggled with it. @boltnrunYes, she does want children. And you are correct that some things
  7. She has been in contact with her doctor/gynecologist; she has an IUD so contraception isn't an issue. Despite growing up in a pretty religious environment, we both are pretty integrated into mainstream society (went to college, have normal jobs, etc). She had sex ed growing up, her parents in general didn't shy away from the topic with her while she was growing up, and her mom even recommended the therapist she spoke to. I think a major thing is that as soon as you have penetrative sex for the first time, you're prohibited from touching your partner for 2+ weeks per our religion (no way
  8. Hi everyone, Sorry if something is wrong with formatting or which forum in advance, this is my first post here. Anyway, my wife and I (24 and 25 respectively) have been together for about six years, and we eloped in the early stages of the COVID pandemic. We both grew up and remain religious, and our religion has pretty strict rules regarding physical touch between people of opposite genders prior to marriage (for example, we first held hands at our wedding after we got married). A lot of what made our relationship great has transitioned seamlessly into marriage and only been e
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