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COCO

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  1. I'm 24 dating a military vet that does have PTSD from the military, as well as a troubled childhood/past. I come from a well off family and I am financially stable with a good job and I have my own business on the side as well. He, on the other hand, is going through a rough patch in life right now dealing with his PTSD and other life struggles. He brings a lot of his issues to me since we're together and I am tired of hearing the same negative things over and over. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Everything in my life is pretty perfect and at this point, he is the only stressor in my life. He knows this. He wants me to change some of my ways because he feels like the things I do triggers his PTSD. For instance, some days I come home from work and I don't want to talk about the all the negative things but he takes it as I don't care about him. He feels neglected and feels like I don't care enough about him. Most days I am exhausted from working my 9-5 and coming home to work on my business til late night. He is the first guy I've ever dated that has PTSD and I am struggling to understand what he's going through because I've never been through anything like that. I'm struggling to understand what more he needs from me. We are thinking about going to couples therapy just to find some common ground at this point. What should I do???
  2. He doesn’t feel like he matters... he feels alone in the relationship. He wants me to be more loving and compassionate which I know I need to work on but I really am doing everything I can... after speaking with you guys, it’s obvious now that I can do more and probably should start if I want to keep the relationship. We both have small businesses. We started them pretty much at the same time. Mines took off a whole lot faster than his did. He does a lot of YouTube work. He has a channel that’s about mental health and helping people get through their struggles. He uses a lot of his own life experiences to help others. Which is another reason why I feel I can’t just let him go... I know he’s doing his best. He does a lot more than most ppl think he does. I see it. his business literally takes maybe 2-3 hours of his day though. So once he’s done with that, he’s pretty much free all day and helping me with my business. Mine is pretty much an all day thing. I make hats. So the time it takes to get my material, actually make products, setting up shop, marketing, delivering orders etc. It really takes up the whole week. We do everything together tho so he’s always with me and pretty much tags along... so I guess it’s pretty obvious why he feels the way he does and like I said, we’ve talked about this before. He’s stated many times that I am getting better. I just need to do things the way he needs it done and not the way I like to do it anymore... this goes back to me knowing that I’m stubborn and controlling... so I admit that and I have been working on it. You guys honestly have helped me see things in a way I wasn’t seeing it before... so maybe I do need to put a little more time into our relationship... especially knowing that he still deals with his ptsd... And I still work a full time job on top of my business.... again like i said, this is my first time reaching out to someone outside of my immediate family. Maybe I should do that more often 😅.
  3. Thank you all for your help. We’re going to sit down later tonight and see what we can do. Well see if we can find a solution that works for both of us. As of right now things are fine. Like I said we’re both fighters and we’ll try everything we can before letting go. if we can’t find something that both of us feel comfortable with, then I agree and I’m sure he will too, that it’s probably best we go our separate ways... so again thank you all for your help. And thank you to the ones who take ptsd seriously. Before him, I would’ve never thought it could be this tough. So I’m definitely learning from it as well.
  4. Ok so maybe he needs more time in that area??? Hes always open to doing more to fix his issues. So what should I tell him? we don’t want to quit on each other and honestly I feel like we don’t have to. We know we need to work on each other and we’re both willing to.. so what exactly do you think he needs to work on? What should I tell him to bring up to his mental health counselor? what can we start doing now to fix that area of his life? im not being sarcastic. I’m genuinely asking..
  5. He feels like I’m neglecting him. He feels like he doesn’t matter in the relationship. He feels like I’m not compassionate enough about things that he is. Like other peoples feelings... like I said I’m aware that I can be stubborn and selfish at times. He’s helped me work with it and he said I have gotten better. I think because my business is taking off, and my life has change so much in the past year ( all for good reasons) I just don’t have the energy to full give him what he wants... I feel like I do. I seriously am doing eveything I know I can do to make him feel loved.. maybe I need to learn other ways of doing what I’m doing... also he’s been neglected his WHOLE life from family and close friends. Like I mentioned before, his past is very traumatic and depressing. He tells me all the time how I’m his breath of fresh air so to speak... so he does eveything for me to show me he appreciates it and I do the same.
  6. I understand and agree with eveything you’re saying about ptsd and the seriousness of it. My BF has taught me a lot and has said exactly what you’re saying. He actually fights with the staff a lot because they don’t take ptsd seriously. So trust me I’m aware of what you’re saying. but he doesn’t suffer from the usual ptsd issues anymore. Like I said, he’s been going to therapy way before we met. He still goes religiously... he doesn’t have those nightmares or any attitude issues ... he has honestly overcame a lot of the normal issues. the only issues he has now is the fact that I don’t know how to love him the way he’d like me to. But he’s always stated that he knows it’s going to take time. He works with me every step of the way. Like I also said, we have gotten much better together as well as individually... he’s done a lot of work on himself in all those areas... I hope that make it a little more clear. I’m not disagreeing with what you’re saying about ptsd. I’m just saying that’s not the issue here.
  7. When I say we’ve been making it work, I don’t mean we constantly have issues and keep fighting... in our two years of being together, we’ve probably only had 4 serious arguments and honestly things always get better after each one. He’s changed in ways to help me and I’ve also changed some things for him. Our relationship is really magical in many positive ways lol. I guess I’m just trying to make it clear that we’re not constantly arguing... We’re each other’s best friends. We’ve done things for each other that nobody has ever had. We have a lot more positive memories than negative. That’s for sure. it’s just that when we do have those tough moments, it’s REALLY tough for me lol I’m assuming it’s because I’ve never really had to stress about anything in my life. So being with him kind of introduced me to the “negative” side of life I guess. Something my parents did a great job at keeping me away from... So you see why I haven’t left. I don’t want to give up at all I just need to know if there’s other ways of doing things. We’re both fighters and we’re aware of ourselves enough to not blame each other for our own obvious issues... and he IS in mental health therapy he’s been in it before we met almost 4-5 years now. he goes regularly. I hope that adds a little more context to the situation.
  8. Also I’d like to add, I am aware that I can be stubborn and controlling lol we’ve talked about this before and I have been working on it. He’s even told me that I have made improvements... i just think I’m not improving fast enough for him or in the ways that he wants... This is my first time speaking out about this. I usually just go with what I know or ask someone in my immediate family.. but they can’t really relate to my situation so it’s kind of hard to take what they say and run with it...
  9. He is in a mental health program. He’s been in it before we ever met. Almost 4-5 years now. He’s made a lot of changes for himself and me. He constantly goes to his mental health sessions 2-3 times a month. A lot less now since the pandemic started but he still sees her through Skype.
  10. No he never guilts me. He actually helps me do everything. He understands that things are difficult but he never backs down from trying to help. He even told me that if I decided to leave, he would never use it against me because he understands that he comes with a lot of baggage. so yes he’s always calm and reasonably explains things to me.
  11. So I’m 24 years old and my BF is 30. I come from a pretty well off family. My life’s been pretty perfect. My boyfriend on the other hand, his life has been a rough ride. He comes from a family with lots of unresolved trauma, plus he also deals with ptsd from deploying with the Army. So as you can see, we both come from two different worlds, but somehow we’ve been able to make it work for almost two years now. Long story short, I started a small business and it ended up taking off about 5 months in! My boyfriends been helping me along the way the whole time. It wasn’t easy though, starting my business and dealing with the immediate success of it, while also dealing with my boyfriends issues, was a lot more than I thought it would be, but we managed to make it work so far. But as of right now, we’ve reached a point where what we’ve been doing no longer works. He feels like he needs more attention from me I’m certain areas of his life. But I feel like the things he needs from me are holding me back from focusing on my business. I don’t want to break up because I do love him. But I don’t want to really give up focusing on my business either. We’re planning on going to couples therapy through his VA mental health program. But that could take while to start and our arguments are starting to become draining... What do you guys think I should do? What would you do?
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