Rachaeljay27

Thank you for all of your replies, I really appreciate it. I just want to clarify. I did not have a baby because of anything to do with my past. For a very long time I was against having children. But The reason I wanted to have a baby was because I was ready and genuinely wanted to have my own family with my partner. She is my world. I just meant that I am very conscious about not repeating history and things that may have been OK in the past are not now. I did everything with my own life and power to remove anyone who I felt would be bad for her and have spent over a decade learning forgiveness, doing therapy but also taking responsibility for mistakes I experienced as a result of bad parenting and knowing it stops with me. I thought I had learnt enough about my partners family to know that I was bringing her into a healthy situation. I was just not prepared at all to receive this treatment, I was looking but there were no signs until now. Generally she's a very kind hearted woman and has been before this. It's just so massively intense and that's alien to me. I am trying to take responsibility for the fact that some hormones may be at play. But I mean it when I say in these first few months I'm still getting to know myself as a mother and I'm not always sure of my footing. Having a baby has knocked ten bells out of me and it was only 3 months ago. I'm just trying to do my best I just feel I'm failing her by not being more vocal every time.

I feel like I've driven him nuts about it. She has said herself she thinks her son is a proper mummy's boy. I expect him to have loyalty to her. But I feel like when I talk about these situation and how I've dealt with them, he gets really frustrated. He tells me to speak to her as its better coming from me, they're at logger heads a lot and he will back what I say and he understands where I'm coming from, this is just isn't the way he expect having a baby to go. I think its a bit conflicted and him and his sister compete for his mum and he does get left out by his sister a lot. they're both having babies within 6 months of each other. I can tell he thinks he is going to loose his moment in the sun soon and I do feel bad about that,

My mother in law is a very lovely lovely helpful woman. We have always had a good relationship and I've treasured that. However since I have had a baby, I feel like our relationship isn't going too well. Unfortunately, I don't have any parents and she had lost her partner too. So this is a new lease of life for her and I was excited about us all sharing that. In some cases it has become a bit over bearing. As soon as I had come out of theatre (from my emergency c section) My partners mother said she was going to come into the hospital and chase a fuss if she wasn't allowed. Restrictions were in place and I had to explain that my partner takes priority for visiting hours in the nicu ward. As soon as I'd gotten home I could finally wash myself! But I couldn't stand up. I was very sore and didn't have the bottle to look at my stitches. But I could hear my phone constantly going off with his mum saying she couldn't bare to wait any longer. My partner took the reigns and said we needed a couple of days to settle in. As soon as she rushed through the door kissed me, said well done and grabbed my newborn saying "now give me my baby" I'd never felt such a horrible feeling before. But stayed silent. My partner and his mum were crying and thought it best to let them have this moment. I didn't hold my baby for 4 hours and nobody asked if I wanted her back. It then become intense. Everytime she came which as 3 times a week, she took her straight off me and when I needed to change her, would take over what I'm doing and walk away with her. Whenever I was holding her she would come and sit next to me saying "look at nanny over and over again"this happened for weeks. Our house was like a nightclub and none of my family were getting a look in. Then we all got sick, baby included and we shut the doors and said no to visitors. By the time we were better she came round telling me she was sick because we hadn't vaccinated her yet and I needed to get up and take her out as she had done with hers 30 years ago. I still had stitches in my stomach and it had barely been a month since the op. Maybe she would calm down with alone time with her new grandchild, so from 8 weeks old I set up once a week for me to do some admin work and she could have her for the day. But I never heard from her at all. Radio silence. Is my baby OK? Yes she's fine. When my family did get a look in, I would tell her I had seen them and she would say she needed to spend more time with us so when her other grandaughter comes in 3 months then then will be close. I just feel a bit like when we are all together she doesn't allow me to be a mum without inter fearing but qhen I give her time alone she doesn't let me know anything for hours and then I see photos go up on Facebook. I need to let her know she is loved and her grandchild isn't going anywhere but I need to grow my confidence as a mother and have the space to do so and I feel like she's monopolising my child. I have been independent since I was 18 with an abusive mother. My whole life has even leading up to being a mum so can expwri3nce unconditional love and right the q wrongs for the next generation and I just feel so depressed about ever thinking having a baby was a good idea 😓