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odangdude

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Everything posted by odangdude

  1. I have a couple of situations I think she's gaslighting me in: 1. when we were dating, I owned a house a was renting a room out and my wife and I weren't living together. My roommate asked if his female friend could stay in our spare bedroom for a few days because she was getting kicked out of her house, so I said yes, and this was in person. When I talked to my wife (girlfriend at the time) said I should have called and asked her first, that we should be making decisions that affect both of us together, and that it's not smart to have another girl stay in my house; her thinking it could
  2. When we were engaged I had literally a week long panic attack. I've been so emotionally shutdown my whole life, and through our relationship I started feeling again, so I felt fears from past trauma and my brain didn't know what to do with it. I couldn't tell the difference between rational and irrational fears, and i ended up putting my wife (fiance at the time) in a scary situation because I couldn't tell the difference between a boundary and an ultimatum. It's a really long story. I don't resent her, im just starting to realize how i've given her control over my life, so im going to take co
  3. Yeah that's fine, and she has the same reasoning, and could probably help me be more organized. But I said I was willing to keep my stuff off the counter and in one drawer and the only way she was willing to compromise on that was to let me have my deoderant and shaving cream together, but the comb and hair gel had to stay with the hair stuff. I am not losing sleep over this bathroom thing.. the point is if she needs this much control over where i put my comb, how is she going to act when we disagree on more serious matters? She leaves her hair brush, contact case/solution, straighten
  4. Yeah it is and im not going to try to please her. I love her a lot and want to be with her, so if me being my authentic self doesn't meet her needs, she can decide to walk. I just need to keep setting boundaries and holding to them.
  5. It's the principle of it that matters. Why does where I keep my stuff affect her? I was willing to compromise and keep my stuff in one little bin in one HALF of the drawer, and she still objected to it because it didn't make sense for MY comb that she doesn't even use to not be with her hair brushes. I would understand if my stuff was taking up all the room and I wasn't giving her space for her stuff, but I was literally just asking to keep my shaving cream, razor, deoderant, nail clippers, and comb in like a 4x6" plastic bin, and she accused me of not liking change and not being willing to co
  6. No, the dilemma isn't whether or not I should apologize to this girl, in fact I do agree with everyone here that I don't need to apologize. And my wife's concern isn't whether or not I should apologize, her concern is that I'll be manipulated and she doesn't trust I won't cheat on her, so she wants to be in the phone call. When I let my roommates female friend (who goes to church with him, and who ive met before) stay in our house because she got kicked out of her own house, my (fiance at the time) said it crossed her boundary. And she said it's not smart to let a woman stay because it c
  7. Yeah i don't want to rehash all of these things, but yeah that's what im going to try to do, to set boundaries now and be firm in standing up for myself.
  8. Yeah we're in marriage couseling right now. We did pre-marital counseling; I just didn't realize how easily I was taking blame for things that aren't even wrong.
  9. Yeah, she see's me having this conversation with this girl as threatening to our marriage. She's afraid this girl will form some attachment to me and try to manipulate me into some kind of relationship. She wants to be in the phone call, not to support me, but to make sure im not going to be manipulated. Then she compares it to how her own mother started talking with a man from high school which led to her mom getting a divorce and marrying this man. What she doesn't see as important is how her mom/dad were separated because of her dad's porn addiction, so their marriage was already pretty muc
  10. I think im starting to recognize situations where my wife blamed me for being inconsiderate when it's really her own insecurity.. and I don't know what to do. When we were engaged and we were living separately, my roommate asked if his female friend could stay at my house because she was getting kicked out of her house. I met her once before and said yes. my now wife, said that crossed her boundary and I should have talked to her about it first. Two weeks ago I made a youtube video and was proud of it. I told her I posted it and she was upset that I didn't let her see if first before
  11. She's not concerned about whether or not I need to apologize. She's worried ill be manipulated. And I agree with everyone here I don't think I need to apologize anymore. Im not seeing that therapist anymore. But my wife's feelings about this hurt me because she doesn't trust me
  12. The point isn't whether or not I should apologize! I need help with my wife
  13. Well it is a bit more complicated than that too.. The past year has been crazy for me, ive been emotionally shut down for the past 15 years, and last june I broke through that and started to feel again, but this resulted in a week long panic attack. In this panic attack I started to learn about boundaries and protecting myself, but because I was in a panic attack couldn't tell the difference between an ultimatum and a boundary, and this resulted in a very scary situation for my wife. This is why she left the house, because she doesn't trust me to respect her boundaries. Being emotionally
  14. Yeah I think I agree with you on that.. but the question isn't whether or not I should apologize, its about my wife's feelings of it being a threat to our relationship if I did.
  15. When I was 9, I had some somewhat sexual interactions with a girl who was 12. It started off by her lifting her shirt and showing her bra to my friend and I. One day we were in a room, the three of us, and she layed down and closed her eyes, and my friend started to touch her breasts while she had her eyes closed, and I also started touching her chest. When someone walked into the room, she woke up immediately. This happened multiple times where she would "go to sleep" and we would touch her chest within like 30 seconds of her closing her eyes. This has messed me up a lot, and in therapy, my t
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