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  1. I am not trying to be difficult. Understand by the way I am coming from a place of hurt. So feeling like I'm not being heard isn't helping me with that hurt.
  2. We have different ideas of healing. Self improvement is healing for me. Not passive shrugging and continuing the same patterns.
  3. Ah, I wasn't looking for you guys to fix anything, that would be over your pay grade. I'm just venting and looking for comfort / listening on a website called enotalone.com. 😅
  4. I don't know why, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed at every person in this thread telling me that what I know is true (that I shut down with people and caused a rift) is not true and that it was just a lack of chemistry. "He just wasn't that into you" is not the amazing break up advice y'all think it is. 1. It makes me feel helpless, and this is just a thing that will continuously happen. There is no room for improvement or growth. 2. It makes me feel like the way I behaved in the relationship was completely fine and will work for the next person, when I know it isn't true.
  5. I want to clarify I am not trying to get him back - that trust exercise is over. I fell backward, was dropped, hit the floor. I am trying to work on my own behaviors for my own betterment.
  6. I want to thank you SooSad and Batya for actually hearing me and what I am saying. Telling this story, and having people respond with, "Well, there just wasn't chemistry" feels really like I am being belittled or condescended. I am telling my story and telling my experience, and I am telling you that we got on like fire in the beginning, talking on the phone for hours and hours... until I know I pulled away as he tried to get closer. If he tried to make eye contact with me, I couldn't. If he asked me, "Do you feel loved?" I froze up and wanted to push him away. Not completely, but I just let m
  7. I haven't dated very many people seriously in my life. I had one long term relationship in my 20s, that broke up due to distance and was long distance for a lot of it. (Started out in person with him having to leave to his home country.) It was intense but easy with the long distance because I could have my space when I needed it, even though we skyped about 3-6 hours almost every day. Then, I got into a bad situation in my later 20s with a man who started out as a fling (not a real relationship) and then turned into an on again off again (years between) abusive toxic partner. Temper, cheating
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