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lately

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  1. Oh yes I totally understand the pushiness! If I'm unable to provide the answer she wants or I'm unable to do it at that time or what she wants just isn't possible for me to do she gets very short and annoyed sounding with me. It just feels so upsetting that it's come to this. We've worked on some things together in the past, split the workload etc, and she would repeatedly request that I do things that she was responsible for and be funny with me if I said no and she would say things to make me feel as if it was my fault those tasks were not completed. I'd then feel bad (wrongly) and just ended up feeling totally manipulated. That's the thing I don't understand what has changed, if it has I would imagine the change is with her because I don't feel that I've behaved any differently. It just always feels like if I say no to something that is the worst possible thing to her, but if she says no to me that's ok in her mind if that makes sense. Not balanced at all. Also if I ever have a personal problem, no matter what she always turns the conversation to her and makes out that she has it worse every single time. I'm not dismissing her personal problems but it's like with her I would never have a platform to share and talk about my problems because it's like I'm not allowed to, like I'm just there to assist her. Sorry I feel like I'm ranting!
  2. thanks @gamon @Wiseman2, I'm definitely going to be taking more a step back you're right. I just end up feeling sapped of any friendship we once had! No she doesn't have a BF, and no I'm not attracted to her we've just been friends a good few years now.
  3. Hi everyone I just wanted to get a little perspective on something with one of my friends. I have a friend I've known for years now, in the past we've been really quite great friends (We are both in our 20s, I'm male, they're female). In the last year or so that relationship has felt different but it has been hard to put my finger on what the issue is. One thing that has upset me is that in recent months I came to the realisation that she was only contacting me when she needed something from me, e.g. a question, a favour, some advice etc. As well as that she sometimes would seem really interested to find things out from me only to become disinterested once she had heard what she wanted to find out/hear and stop talking until the next thing she needed. I got really disheartened by this and I finally woke up towards the end of last year and decided to just make no contact and wait it out to test what would happen. As predicted I received a text asking for something weeks later. I did reply because it was about something important but I just kept it short, no small talk. Afterwards they asked 'how are you?', I decided to reply and asked the same back only to be sat here weeks later with no reply to my 'how are you?' I sent back. I just don't get it. This person has ghosted me before for months on end while continuing to chat to my other friends, so as hard as it is for someone like me (I'm 'too nice' according to a good friend) I feel like I have to step away because it's causing me so much questioning of myself. It makes me feel like I do something wrong or that I'm not enough, and sometimes I almost feel like they relish in it seeing me confused by it all. If anyone has any comments or similar experiences I'd love to hear it. Thanks
  4. Hi lostandhurt, thank you so much for your comment, reading it has really helped put things into perspective so thank you 🙂 Absolutely yes it's rooted in a fear of anything I do turning into something negative. And yes I am a total perfectionist, sometimes to the point that it is so insanely exhausting. I feel almost upset when things don't go the exact way I want them to or things I do are not the way I envisaged. I do hold back from saying things in case I'm wrong, and that's in regards to every part of life really, the academic/career part of life, as well as the social part. This resonates with me so so much! Anything I do is not good enough to me. It is totally exhausting consistently trying to please myself with things but I'm never happy with it. It's like the past few years I've achieved and done some pretty good stuff and yet I feel not enough. I think you're right, I don't always give myself the opportunity to be in new situations out of fear and feeling uncomfortable. I like routine very much and the moment my routine is disrupted I become very on edge and anxious. But having said that I feel like my routine is boring at the same time so it's just this cycle of wanting to have a more exciting life and being afraid to change anything out of fear of everything crashing down. But yeah I think you're right I need to force myself out of the cycle and put myself out there. Exactly, thank you Jibralta I definitely will keep thinking of this. Yeah definitely, and now there's a third lockdown here so I think face to face is now not an option unless I waited for months! Definitely going to try and give myself a push with this.
  5. That makes sense thanks that's a good tip 🙂 It's been a while since we've seen each other in person because of everything going on, but even then and while we've been messaging during the pandemic she's very closed, not in a bad way, I just struggle to shift the conversation onto her even though I ask questions back. It could be that I'm just overthinking and there's actually nothing wrong with our conversation aha. It probably sounds strange but we've known each other for years now and the pandemic and other things have meant we've sort of drifted apart slightly as friends, not talking as frequently etc. but the last quarter of this year we've been chatting a lot more and actually it feels good because before I might have been afraid of the 'friendzone', but it's almost like we're getting to know each other again and yet we know so much already and to me it feels exciting but maybe she doesn't feel it, I'll have to see. I just have to say something sooner rather than later I think, New Year maybe.
  6. Yeah definitely. I struggle to find time to find a hobby because I have to study a lot, nothing interests me at the moment I wish I could break out of the cycle! I could always try and be more engaging, I just have this fear of saying something stupid and embarrassing myself. It probably sounds silly but I almost have a phobia of conversation, I just never know how to keep it flowing and it's embarrassing. I could, I just still don't know what to say I don't want to mess it up 😅 Thank you sadchick83 for your comments 🙂 I can imagine the climate is so much more pleasant than in the cold! Sometimes I wish I could just get up and go away somewhere but unfortunately I'm a student so I'm kind of bound to where I am for the next few years. I'd love to go out to live in the countryside or something right now For sure! It has been so tough for everyone hasn't it, I feel like I do the same routine every single day. My diet is good I think, I'm pretty fit, probably too skinny if anything. It's like my body won't allow me to build any strength and muscle at all which is frustrating haha. But everything is fine I guess, I go for walks every now and then and avoid the junk food. Thank you that's good advice, I'm completely head over heels about this girl. I know I really really like her but the issue is because of lockdown and having all that thinking time I've almost allowed my myself to believe that it's going to be happily ever after when in reality she could say no, which is absolutely fine and I'd respect that 100% but I'd be pretty crushed. It's the first time I've felt in love so it's all new to me I guess. Thank you for all the great advice I really appreciate it 🙂
  7. Thanks both for your comments I think you're right about depression, the pandemic may have added to it but to be honest I've felt a lot like this even before it began. The sad thing is I realised how lonely I really was because when the lockdown started it didn't feel any different to me. I have two friends, one is the one I have feelings for. They're both great people but we're not the kind of friends to talk all the time or everyday and they have other friends whereas I don't so that can be difficult. Thank you greendots you're totally right about this, I think I've gotten so hung up on comparing myself to everyone else that I feel boring. I need to start appreciating the small things in life. I keep trying to do the same things and expect to suddenly feel satisfied when what I should probably do is either see them in a different way or just try something new even if it's small. This is really helpful. I get in a cycle of 'what if what if what if' and it's totally exhausting. It's almost like my brain wants me to panic about every possible problem with something. The issue is I'm totally irrational. I'll convince myself I did something or said something or have something that I never did. It's mostly about social situations because I have a really big problem connecting with people, I feel very socially awkward. It has entered health anxiety too more recently (not covid related). She is single yes, she's incredible and I don't think she realises how great she is. Yeah lockdown has made it difficult, plus we live in different towns/cities and so while we live in towns relatively close to each other it isn't easy with everything going on. The social awkwardness aspect doesn't help, I find it hard to say what I want to say on the spot. I also feel like a text is a bit impersonal so I'm just thinking about it everyday and driving myself crazy. Thank you I really appreciate your advice 🙂
  8. I'm in the UK so no health insurance needed, it's just face-to-face contact is being avoided as much as possible right now. I also find it very hard to talk about my problems out loud and I find it difficult to put it into words that make sense in the moment. I have my own room and everything, I just still can never guarantee any privacy or that I won't be disturbed. Even if I go for a walk it just isn't easy to be alone. But no worries I'll have to look for other ways of coping with everything.
  9. I haven't no. It's been difficult with the pandemic, everything is telephone or video consultation and I don't get any privacy at home anymore to talk freely.
  10. Hi I'm from the UK, in my early 20s and male. I've wanted to try and reach out about how I've been feeling for a long time now but never quite found the courage. The main feeling is just of a never-ending sadness and just feeling lost and lonely. My life has no direction, sure I have a career ahead of me and that's great but the rest of my life, the personal side, there's just nothing. I never have anything to look forward to, there's never anything exciting happening, I'm uninterested in everything and every conversation and I'm always worrying and worrying about the tiniest of problems and overthinking to the extreme where I fabricate social scenarios in my head that never will and never do happen. I'm agitated and upset when I don't feel in control of everything happening in my life, and I get upset when other people try to takeover things or reorganise things or try to tell me how I should do something. I've never been in a relationship but I'm in love with a friend but I don't even have the confidence to address my feelings with her. My confidence is rock-bottom I hate the way I feel and just seeing everyone else around me doing so well while I just struggle to keep up and I'm just so sick of feeling this way. I just feel like every time I try to be better I always fail. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right topic/forum but I wondered if anyone ever felt this way and got through it or maybe if anyone has any advice or comments. thank you.
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