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coly16

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Everything posted by coly16

  1. coly16

    Tinder...

    I want to say it's not a project. I don't want to fix him. I just don't want to be another person that walks out of his life. Maybe he's manipulating me, i dont know. But i feel like i'd be abandoning him which he deserves 100%. It just doesn't feel right to leave
  2. coly16

    Tinder...

    I never did look for projects. I broke it off with my last bf because I didn't want to be taking care of him. It's not that i'm trying to care for him that makes me stay, it's that I do love him. I know in theory I shouldn't trust him but something is making me want to stay. I've never had trouble dropping people before
  3. coly16

    Tinder...

    My friend found him. I made him show me his conversations
  4. coly16

    Tinder...

    I am dating someone with a lot of emotional trauma in his life. He had an abusive mother, a no show dad, and his foster family abandoned him (only a couple months ago). His friends aren't the greatest either and I've fallen in love with him. I have made my best effort to love him how he needs to be loved. I try to boost his self esteem and i try to convince him I'm not leaving since he's developed abandonment issues. In all, he has had a very rough life. He was a marine and is now in school for HVAC. All of this i think has ended up with him becoming clinically depressed. I found out he was on tinder and upon inspection, I saw he had talked to some girls but nothing past hello and how's your day. No number exchanges. no meet ups. nothing sexual. I tried leaving but he broke down and told me I was the only good thing in his life and he'd do whatever i asked. He'd change and go to therapy for the depression. He would return to the gym (something he loved and stopped doing) and he'd be more attentive. It's been a week and he's done all those things but I feel almost like an idiot for letting this go. I should leave in my mind but his past is so different and I do love him so it's hard seeing him broken, even harder feeling like I'm making it worse. His idea of love is so skewed. Am i evil if I leave? Am i an idiot if i stay? To be clear, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We've been official for 7 months. I do love him. I just don't know how to get past this or if i even can.
  5. I have been a calloused person in the past. Not allowing room for error. Not dealing with anybody who has hurt me. And it made me feel untouchable. But it also made me realize I have no forgiveness, regardless if this person shows remorse and effort to right their wrong. So, I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to allow vulnerability and I want to know I gave this relationship a second chance before letting it crumble. I'm just struggling to let go of this feeling because I've never had to let it go.
  6. I just fear becoming calloused. I don't want to isolate myself every time someone hurts me. He's expressed regret and made an effort to fix it. By all accounts, he's done everything he's had to, everything I asked. I just am struggling to let it go
  7. I see him at least once a week, usually more. Like I said he has been working really hard toward fixing it. And it encourages me. Rationally, he hasn't done anything since to break my trust. I just don't know why it's taking me so long.
  8. I guess I'm looking for advice on how to rebuild the trust
  9. Maybe I should have but I didn't. And I want to see this relationship through on my part. Since then, He's made every effort to fix the situation. And I want to trust him. I'm used to cutting out people that hurt me. But I'm here now. I told him I'd try to trust him and I am. And the majority of me wants to believe that he's sleeping but another part of me just needs reassurance
  10. No nothing like that. Honestly, I just can't tell if I'm over or under reacting to the situation. He's straight path kind of guy. I tend to cut people off very quickly and I decided not to do that with him. So, it's taking a lot for me to rebuild that trust
  11. No he's radio silent there too. If it wasn't for November, I would just assume he was telling the truth.
  12. So my boyfriend back in November would message girls on snapchat and tell them stuff like "Hi gorgeous" and basically just heart eye emojis. To clarify, he asked me to be his girlfriend in the beginning of october so this is about 2 months into the official relationship. I know that's not cheating and when I found out I said if I ever saw it again, I'd be done. It feels like it is taking me forever to regain that trust. I refuse to look through his phone because I'm trying to train myself to trust him but I can't help but think I'm getting fooled. He hasn't done anything to warrant any more concern. he's deleted his accounts and blocked all the girls. If i asked to use his phone he gives it right to me without asking questions. But the past couple days he's been inaccessible through the phone. Like, from 6pm-11:30pm just radio silence. He says he's been sleeping but that's a really long time. I just don't know what he could be doing for almost 6 hours and then all through the night. He does get up early for work but it just seems strange to me. Anyway, should I worry? How do I trust him again? Would you be weirded out? Any help is appreciated!
  13. So my boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. Everything has been going smoothly, if not perfect. The other day I got a weird feeling that I've never gotten before and I could tell he was hiding something. When I looked on his phone he had been calling different girls gorgeous, saying they "look good" and stuff. I know it's not technically cheating but now i don't know how to feel. I'm just confused. Any advice?
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