animatrix

I don't know if anyone would remember my posts. But I was recently in the Healing after a Breakup forum, trying to give people hope and taking about the new great guy I met. Well now I'm back like a fool! On this new great guy's phone mobile I found photo evidence (a picture of his willy!) that he has recently been having phone sex with his ex-girlfriend. He claims he never sent her the picture and that nothing happened between him and her but I don't believe it. I asked him why he took the pic, it was in his phone outbox with her name on it! He says he was angry with me at the time and she had tried to iniciate something, so to get back at me he obliged but never sent the pic. I feel so so so hurt! I can't even cry. He keeps begging me to forgive him but I feel I can't trust him anymore. He evens cries when he begs. I feel he is trying to wear me down and I feel weak because I really thought I had met someone special and AGAIN it's screwed up! He has poisoned our relationship!

Sub, I'll let you in on something that many women and probably many men do. Much like keeping a spare tire in the trunk they keep "spare" men as back ups in case things don't work with the current squeeze. It's sounds like she's been using you as her spare tire. Sorry if this sounds harsh. But she's been playing you big time. I'm sure you would want a woman that loves because you for who you are. Not because things didnt work out with her ex. Don't waste anymore of your time on this because things will not change.

Thank you DoorMouse! Best wishes to you too! I've just been reading all these posts and so many of the posters sound like me not so long ago. I want to stress that I am not happy only because I met a man I care about, but because I am happy with myself!!! I've proven many things to myself over the past few months! No one can truly make you happy, you make yourself happy guys. I know it seems so painful now, like you are physically ill and you want to get better but you feel like you can't. This isnt one of the those just get up and get it together pieces of advice, because there is no quick cure for how you feel. I just want you to know that you will get through this no matter how long it takes.

Hi folks, I posted on this thread last October after I really bad break up with my ex. He was pressuring me for sex when I wasnt ready. I basically gave in one day and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was physically painful and when I asked him to stop he barked "Either you do it or you don't!" He was very angry that we didnt go all the way so I broke up with him because frankly his behaviour scared me. He wasnt tender, patient or kind. I had never had sex before. I'll spare you the details but he was so rough during the act that he injured me up there. Stupid me felt guilty and thought the whole thing was my fault, so I tried to get back with him. But he blew me off, saying he would call but never did, called me "gorgeous" in his texts, then promised to call one night but sent me a mail instead saying he moving on and had met someone else. He was the one talking about marriage and kids only a month into the relationship,even though I kept imploring that we get to know each first before making such plans. I can't believe I didnt see this as a red flag. By the way we had only seen each other about 4 times at that point. We met over the internet and lived in different towns. I decided to start NC. I also had a feeling he was desperately looking for a wife would never contact me again. Well since then I have met a fantastic guy that I love so much! We have been seeing each other for about 6 months and I am so crazy about him! I am so happy I waited for him to come into my life. I had a few issues about our sex life, ironically, but it's gotten better, because we both worked at it and he makes me so comfortable! Last week guess who do I receive an e-mail from. My ex. He says he wants nothing from me but to know that I am ok and apologizes for what happened over 10 months ago. So I wrote him back a very short e-mail telling him how happy I am and ask him how he is doing. No response. The point of my post is. I was in the darkest place after my break up with him but I resolved not to call him or contact him in anyway. It was hard but I started to focus on my life. I found a new job and moved to another town, where I met my current love. At the time I felt so sad and never thought I would recover, but I did and I am so happy. Getting an e-mail from my ex only reinforced that feeling. Why he contacted me I don't know. I want you guys out there who are hurting to know that you will get better. Take it from me! I am not some spectacular person, just an average gal from around the way. If I can do it so can you!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you guys had a nice time! It sounds like things will work out! Good for you making the effort! All the best!

Hi, Sorry you are hurting. I didn't really understand parts of the post. Did he move in with you without telling his ex-girlfriend that he was leaving her? Or was it that he did indeed break it off with her but didnt tell her he was seeing someone else? I could understand that you may have been upset that she didnt know about you and that you may have felt he was decieving you and her, but it might have been very difficult for him to tell her. Some may disagree, but I think if they had truly broken up he doesnt really have to tell her what he doing in his romantic life anymore. However, him leaving to go back straight to his girlfriend is a bad sign. If he was truly unhappy with her he wouldnt be back there and he would be doing everything, eg. being on his own, to show you how much he loves and wants to be with you. My situation is similar to yours. I asked my bf to leave me after I began feeling that he had started a relationship with me too soon (one week) after he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, who also has his child. He didnt get back with her. He stayed on his own to work things out for himself. He wanted to show me that he really cared for me and that he was willing to take the time out to show me that I wasnt just his rebound relationship. It worked. So I think NC is a good idea, but I also think your guy should move out and be on his own a while before you consider anything with him.

You know hun? Some people, like your boyfriend, are just born losers period. Why? I don't know. It's like asking why did God let the tsumani happen and so many people died. It just happens. You say he was considerate and loving, maybe you were looking at him through those rose coloured glasses called love. Because in describing his life, he sounds anything but considerate or loving. Be happy he's gone. I have been heartbroken before and thought it would kill me but guess what? I'm still here and stronger for it. Take some time to heal. Keep writing in your journal, post notes to yourself on the wall reminding yourself how great you are, cry, talk to your family and friends, exercise. You will get over this and have a great life. And you'll eventually wonder "What the hell did I ever see in that loser?"

He sounds like a psycopath(forgot how to spell the word), since he has no remorse. He must be literally sick in the head. You are so lucky to have found out now before it was too late. You are still very very young and you will be stronger for it. You will learn from this and find a better partner in the future!

Yonik I am so glad not to be in your shoes. I actually don't feel that sorry for your wife. I believe it is a spouse's duty and responsibility to make their partner feel loved and desirable. I don't understand these people who get married and then won't have sex with their own husband or wife. That's screwed up! I question their motives for getting married in the first place! I think there are things she isnt telling you. If you still love her then try to work it out some more, if not....... I feel for your kids though, it's not their fault this is happening and I feel you have cheated more on them than on your wife. I would stop seeing the other lady until you figure out what you are going to do. Trust me your kids will disrespect you if they find out and that will really hurt. This is just another thought, maybe you are cheating to subconsiouly get back at your wife because her actions have hurt you?

I have a friend I met at university years ago. She has suffered from eating disoders and depression for many many years. She has been suicidal, hospitalized and on anti-depressants. WHY? Because when she was younger her brother was having sex with her. It has scarred her deeply FOR LIFE! They were close to the ages of the siblings we are talking about. Maybe there are people out there who don't think it's wrong to hook with a sibling, but there must be reasons why that the vast majority of us gay or straight don't. Whether we can verbally express it or not, we must know instinctively it's not right.

hang in there TT! Hugs! You will get through this!

Hi guys! Thank you for all your advice and suggestions. Well I've decided I won't leave him. I was pretty wound up when I wrote my post. I've cooled down. We've talked about it. We both decided that our relationship is worth it and that we are both going to work at this sex thing. I also think I need work on myself as well. I am better at giving than receiving, if that makes sense. For example I love going down on him but get embarrassed when he goes down on me and make him stop, which makes him feel like he is bad at it, then he gets worried and nervous etc. Thanks again for your help. Benevolent you mentioned breathing techniques and positions. Does anyone know where I could find more info about this? Thanks!

Hi all, I would appreciate some advice on this topic. This may shock you. I am 34 and recently started having sex for the first time with a man a started seeing about 4 months ago. As I don't have much experience this issue is quite difficult for me. I waited to have sex for so long because I wanted it to be with someone special. I thought I had finally found that person. He is so lovely in many ways, kind considerate and it also helps that I am very physically attracted to him. It's so ironic for someone who has waited for so long, to now enjoy sex so much. I love it and always want it. BUT I usually end up frustrated and unsatisfied. I never orgasm with him, because I don't get the time. He always ejaculates very quickly then falls asleep. He says this makes him feel very bad but he can't control it. I know he gets turned on very easily by me, even in public which is quite funny for me and a bit embarrassing for him. I can orgasm if he masturbates me, but usually if he has orgasmed before he will start falling asleep while touching me. That just turns me off. I give him as much oral sex as he wants and I enjoy giving it. I know I satisfy him well. He says he is worried that since I am not experienced but seem to enjoy sex so much I will eventually look for another lover who can satisfy me more. AND To be honest I am now seriously thinking about it. He's in the other room snoring away and am looking at the personal ads. Seriously I am so fed up. Maybe if I was 65 and we had been married for 40 years I wouldnt care so much. But this is just a right downer! What can I do? PS He's only 28!!!