weirdsituati

I'm going to bed now. Thanks so much for all your insight everyone. The quality of insight and perspectives offered here by you people is the absolute best out there. Just reading and replying to your posts is extremely therapeutic, and forces me to have better clarity of the situation I'm so happy I found this forum 10 years ago when I went through my first breakup

Yes I did end contact with her. I was just saying I'd prefer if she ended contact with me. This is exactly what I realized. I think you're 100% correct If you mean my motives in helping her weren't completely selfless, as I was satisfying my own insecurities, you're correct. If you're saying I wanted her for a proper relationship, I genuinely need to disagree. There's no way I'd be comfortable with her as a girlfriend or something like that. I should have just ended contact when I felt feelings for her, knowing that there's no way it could work. That's completely on me b

I'm going to seriously work on my self worth issues. It's become clear that's what's the main issue here, thanks to the help from the people on here. I will take that money and invest it in fixing my own issues and whatever is driving this behavior of mine Yes that's very accurate. It wouldn't be pleasant if she was the one to end contact, but yes I need to admit it would be better without the guilt. I do want her to see me as a positive influence. I think she will, even despite this Again true, my desire to help her was not selfless. I enjoyed the delusion of helping some

You probably won't believe me but I would prefer her to end contact with me, then I wouldn't have the guilt of taking away her best friend. But I also am a self acknowledged unhealthy individual

Lol thank you. I don't really see the point in lying to myself and people offering help to me on here. Thanks

Thank you. But I genuinely don't see how I'm coming from a place of her-reckoning. I explicitly state multiple times that everything bad that occurred in this situation is due to my own deficiencies, and she had literally no wrong-doing in the entire situation. The only criticism I make of her is that she's prone to abusive relationships, which is hardly even a criticism as it's a result of circumstances which she had no control over I do see the arrogance in it. I'm looking at the poster's short thread, and using it to infer from that that I believe them to be a competent leader

Lol maybe if I start watching some edgy horrors it will take the edge off to do this again. Hhaha Exactly agreed. It's not just covid - I'm generally pretty anti-social. I don't need to be, there are some groups who share the same interests as me. I'll need to start forcing myself to be more social Yes. Her boyfriend was cheating on her and I started talking to her about that. I say quasi relationship because it's functionally a relationship although no labels are there. But yes we were effectively both in relationships when we started talking. I genuinely did not see

Very good suggestions thank you. I've started some self-therapy by doing some emotional literacy work. The core issue is definitely with self worth I think. Honestly I didn't find this situation dull. I really don't understand why lol I think this is exactly what happened. I was feeling dull, wanted something edgy, and suddenly -- from my perspective -- I was dealing with a train wreck

Agreed 100% thank you

I don't need to work, I just work for enjoyment when I'm motivated. I have a good amount of free time due to that. So yes that's a good point, lack of purpose for myself is also an issue. Thanks for that

Makes a lot of sense. I think I have the opposite problem. When I see something I don't like in someone I have a hard time accepting it 100%. You'll feel more invisible when you can be seen but aren't acknowledged You're a very smart and insightful individual. It's highly likely that things will work out for your benefit in the long-term

Also a really good point. I guess it's feeling a bit dull which caused me to get distracted and eventually started talking to her. So if there's something wrong with it, it's that it's dull

Very good point. Looking back at it logically, it sounds ridiculous

This is amazing thank you. I agree people shouldn't be projects I know she wouldn't rip me off for the therapy money - and using money to get people indebted to you has the opposite effect in my experience. Most people will become distant and turned off when you buy them things. And I'd 100% never expect someone to return a favor to me because I bought them something It has a lot to do with self worth for sure

I definitely do prefer to have control in relationships yes. As to whether that's preferred to make myself less vulnerable is likely I respect her a lot. She's very smart, creative, energetic. I think you make amazing points, it has a lot to do with me needing to feel needed and superior and avoiding vulnerability